xpaperxcutx Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Sorry I missed this when I was posting. I find this to be quite dismissive on your doctor's part. My sister is a gyno and she takes sexual discomfort quite seriously. My physiotherapist even specializes in women's complaints. I don't know what to tell you other then another doctor might have given you advice that was more supportive. Obviously you need to relax... The question is, why aren't you relaxing? Because she tends to overthink alot of things regarding men. You should've read her other threads.
Author so gutted Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 If you've only had sex twice, then your vagina hasn't been penetrated enough to stretch it out. That is why it's important to practice on yourself so as to reduce any vaginal pains when you actually do the deed. Also, it could also be a psychological problem. Considering your last few threads, it seems you have alot of issues. They need to be addressed as they could be affecting why you're not comfortable with sex. byt practicing on myself doesnt work well coz i am scared of hurting myself so dont go to far....
xpaperxcutx Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 i also dry up when a guy wants to come and doesnt care about how i feel. Were these the guys you were dating at the time? Have you told them that it was hurting you and that you would prefer if they didn't thrust too hard?
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 byt practicing on myself doesnt work well coz i am scared of hurting myself so dont go to far.... May I ask you how old you are?
Author so gutted Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Did he actually made a physical exam? or were you just 'talking' about it.. it was after a conversation about an encounter which left me with issues - the doc was concerned that i was so poorly sexually educated.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 byt practicing on myself doesnt work well coz i am scared of hurting myself so dont go to far.... So_gutted, you need to let go of your misconceptions. Because having sex caused you pain that one time, you've now convinced yourself that any kind of penetration is going to hurt. And practicing on yourself does help. At least you're in control of how far you want to go. You can always start off without going too deep until you're at least comfortable, then you can go further.
portcitykitty Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 How do you know that? Have you seen her hole? It could be too small even for a baby.. first off .. the baby comes out from the other way.. and it's all 'naturally' prepared to come out.. BUT sometimes the 'passage' is too small and the mother needs a C-section.. so she could be too small down there.. maybe she should have the doctor examine her.. OK, maybe you're right...I misunderstood...brainfart!
Author so gutted Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Were these the guys you were dating at the time? Have you told them that it was hurting you and that you would prefer if they didn't thrust too hard? it was with a guy - we didnt have sex but he wanted too - and got pssd at me when i was stopping it....
Kamille Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Because she tends to overthink alot of things regarding men. You should've read her other threads. I have read those threads and from where I sit, I opine, like you do, that the cause is most likely psychological (and good doctors consider psychological problems to be real health problems). I think it is important that So Gutted learns to seek support for these kinds of issues. She said that she's met with therapist but that she didn't click with them. I am thinking perhaps a good doctor and physiotherapist could help her understand her body better. Seriously So Gutted, my sister and I live in a midsize town and she started a revolution when she managed to convince a physiotherapist to delve into sexual discomforts. Physio-therapy and other kinds of kino-therapy help a lot of people who aren't ready to face psychological concerns.
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 it was after a conversation about an encounter which left me with issues - the doc was concerned that i was so poorly sexually educated. So he didn't do any physical exam.. he just told you to relax.. geeezzz.. what a dork!!!
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 so gutted, it's like you're a virgin and in many ways, you are one through being traumatized. Is it possible to hold off on having sex until you're with someone you're completely turned on with, someone who cares about you the way you do them? If the guy cares about you and you've communicated your fear, he will be as slow and as gentle as if it's your very first time. In building up this trust, you're going to find that there's nothing to fear and everything to look forward to. You'll be asking for more plse, just like Oliver Twist! Errrr....that sounds so wrong about Oliver Twist, nvm...
Potatocakes Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I had this problem for a long time, it wasnt until I was pregnant and the ob had a VERY hard time inserting the vaginal ultrasound/doing the pap smear that she sent me told me I was perfectly healthy physically and that the pain was all in my head. I told my self sex would hurt and it did, it wasnt until I convinced myself otherwise that I enjoyed it.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Can my hole be too small? The "hole" is stretchy so can't be too small. If your going into it thinking it's going to hurt, then it will (assuming that there is nothing medically wrong). You need to relax, go slowly, have him insert it a little at a time to stretch it and you should be fine. When you worry it's going to hurt your going to tighten your whole body, including your hole! Next time don't worry so much, talk about it with his first and ask him to take his time. (get him to cum alone first so that he he will be able to take his time) Relax, think about the pleasuring parts and enjoy yourself. Go into it thinking about the pleasure and not the pain. Relax!
gummybear Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 When I first tried having sex penetration was impossible...it was painful even putting in a finger. Well I went to the gyno and she told me to go to this site and order the books on vaginismus as well as the dilators and alot of KY jelly. I think this will solve your problem. I panicked in the beginning thinking if it hurts just putting in a q tip how the hell do i put in a huge ****! Well this book and dilators works wonders! You can't have a huge thing go inside you at once...you HAVE to start small with dilators and build your way up. good luck! http://www.vaginismus.com/products/vaginismus_kit_dvd
spookie Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Get yourself a vibe. But more importantly chill out about this, chill out guys not calling you back, and focus on building actual relationships with people. Not necessarily relationship-relationships, not necessarily sexual ones, either. Just learn to get to that point with someone where you really trust them. Then when the right guy comes along you'll have the skills necessary for things to progress naturally and smoothly until he's your best friend and you know he woudln't hurt you and he turns you on. THEN I don't think sex would hurt. I don't think "practicing" is the solution here at all.
gummybear Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Get yourself a vibe. But more importantly chill out about this, chill out guys not calling you back, and focus on building actual relationships with people. Not necessarily relationship-relationships, not necessarily sexual ones, either. Just learn to get to that point with someone where you really trust them. Then when the right guy comes along you'll have the skills necessary for things to progress naturally and smoothly until he's your best friend and you know he woudln't hurt you and he turns you on. THEN I don't think sex would hurt. I don't think "practicing" is the solution here at all. Very good point. Do NOT and i say do NOT ever have sex with random people just to get experience. When I got my first bf who I first had sex with, I was scared that he'd think I was weird for being inexperienced but he was actually very very supportive. I cried when I couldn't have sex with him cuz I felt that I let him down and he always reassured me and made me feel loved. It took about 6 tries and when we finally did th deed it took me literally 30 minutes of slowly putting him inside me. He remained sooo patient and loving throughout.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Get yourself a vibe. Good idea! Have some fun by yourself! You can practice penetration while your in control. Also you can find out how to pleasure yourself, cause you can't expect anyone else to pleasure you if you can't please yourself/if you don't know where your special spots are!
Author so gutted Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 No never used a tampon. I just get into in the heat of the moment situations and then the guy isnt willing to be patient and wait it through. The guy i did have sex with was the only one that was "patient" - probablybecause he was getting it elsewhere - so he could afford to be patient. This guy - sort of tried but as i wasnt sure and was nervous i was backing off...mentally and physically. it was awkward. i wonder if this will seem not worth it for him now.
Author so gutted Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Good idea! Have some fun by yourself! You can practice penetration while your in control. Also you can find out how to pleasure yourself, cause you can't expect anyone else to pleasure you if you can't please yourself/if you don't know where your special spots are! does the vibe act as a substitute sausage!??! this is just it - he did ask me to "Guide it in" - now how the fkkkkkk am i supposed to do that - when im scared of it going in...shouldnt the man take control?
Lucky_One Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 How old are you? Learn to use tampons before you start going with a guy. Buy some basic old K-Y to lube them, if your natural blood isn't enough. Lay on the floor with a mirror and read all the directions in the Tampax box. Learn about your body. Making love is more than about getting a sausage in a hole. Until you figure that part out, you have no business having sex. Your body is giving you signals that you are ignoring.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 does the vibe act as a substitute sausage!??! this is just it - he did ask me to "Guide it in" - now how the fkkkkkk am i supposed to do that - when im scared of it going in...shouldnt the man take control? Well for one many are the same shape and size, so that would give you a chance to experiment on your own. Figure out what hurts and what doesn't (vibe or dildo). Your the one controling it so you can play around. If your scared of it going in, your going to tense up, make the hole tight and smaller, dry up and then it will hurt. Just like guys if they are stressed and worried it will be limp! If you are on top then you have the control and can guide it in, you put it in as much and as fast as you want. If he is then you could still lift your pelvis and push towards him, to some extent anyway. But being on the bottom he has most of the control. If you do want to have sex/make love it's a 2 person experience, you have to work with him. But it doesn't sound like your going into it because you want to. As others have said there is more to it and more to enjoy than getting it in the hole.
djhall Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 does the vibe act as a substitute sausage!??! Yes, so you get used to having something that shape and size inserted. when im scared of it going in...shouldnt the man take control? In my experience, it sometimes works better if the woman is on top and in control how fast things go. This makes both partners more comfortable, because you don't spend the whole time worrying about what he is going to do next and he doesn't spend the whole time worrying about hurting you.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 does the vibe act as a substitute sausage!??! this is just it - he did ask me to "Guide it in" - now how the fkkkkkk am i supposed to do that - when im scared of it going in...shouldnt the man take control? Actually sex isn't always about the man taking control. Guiding him into your vagina helps lessen the pain you're feeling because only you know how far or hard he should push into you. So he was quite understanding.
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