badnewsbeers Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer yesterday, I'm a 22 year old in great shape and very athletic. It's malignant melanoma, but they're removing lymph nodes because it's quite deep. Needless to say, this is a terrifying time for me. I sent the ex a quick text to let her know what was going on (we haven't spoken in 2 months, after a 2 year relationship). I figured at the very least I'd get a phone call wishing me well or something... I don't know, I just wanted comfort I suppose, there's a good chance this will kill me. Anyway, I get a couple of texts spaced several hours apart and that's it. This girl claims to have never loved anyone more than me, when we broke up she said she would always be there for me and hoped I'd always be there for her, etc etc all the usual stuff. I've mostly moved on and am seeing a couple of other people, but I mean good grief. If this was reversed I'd be doing whatever I could to help her out! Just needed to vent a bit, not only am I dealing with this and my last term of uni, I've also got the cancer to worry about.
BCCA Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer yesterday, I'm a 22 year old in great shape and very athletic. It's malignant melanoma, but they're removing lymph nodes because it's quite deep. Needless to say, this is a terrifying time for me. I sent the ex a quick text to let her know what was going on (we haven't spoken in 2 months, after a 2 year relationship). I figured at the very least I'd get a phone call wishing me well or something... I don't know, I just wanted comfort I suppose, there's a good chance this will kill me. Anyway, I get a couple of texts spaced several hours apart and that's it. This girl claims to have never loved anyone more than me, when we broke up she said she would always be there for me and hoped I'd always be there for her, etc etc all the usual stuff. I've mostly moved on and am seeing a couple of other people, but I mean good grief. If this was reversed I'd be doing whatever I could to help her out! Just needed to vent a bit, not only am I dealing with this and my last term of uni, I've also got the cancer to worry about. I'll tell you the same thing my friends tell me when I have issues like this with my ex: What did you expect? She probably just feels guilty about it, and even though ANYONE would feel for you after your diagnosis, she probably doesnt want to get too involved. You can pretty much chalk up whatever she said when you broke up to complete BS...it always is. Everyone says they love you more than anything, will always be there, youre the best they ever met, etc. But if any of that was true, why would they leave? Doesnt make a lot of sense. I feel for you here, and I hope you come out alright after the treatment. Who cares what she thinks or why she does what she does. You cant control her. Worry about getting better! Take care of yourself!
gd26 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Hey there, I am sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I'm sure you must be numb and going through a lot right now. I noticed from your old threads that you broke up with your girlfriend. I'm sure she is trying to recover and move forward with her life. That doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you... I'm sure she does. However, trying to guilt-induce her to communicate with you won't help her heart to move on. Although I cannot speak for her, I would imagine that she would be really tempted to communicate with you and try to be there for you... but at the same time, chatting with you might set her back on her own healing process. I agree with BCCA. Right now is the time to take care of YOU and focus on getting better and spending time with your own family and friends. Reach out to them for support, not your ex.
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I was diagnosed with cancer yesterday, I'm a 22 year old in great shape and very athletic. It's malignant melanoma, but they're removing lymph nodes because it's quite deep. Needless to say, this is a terrifying time for me. I sent the ex a quick text to let her know what was going on (we haven't spoken in 2 months, after a 2 year relationship). I figured at the very least I'd get a phone call wishing me well or something... I don't know, I just wanted comfort I suppose, there's a good chance this will kill me. Anyway, I get a couple of texts spaced several hours apart and that's it. This girl claims to have never loved anyone more than me, when we broke up she said she would always be there for me and hoped I'd always be there for her, etc etc all the usual stuff. I've mostly moved on and am seeing a couple of other people, but I mean good grief. If this was reversed I'd be doing whatever I could to help her out! Just needed to vent a bit, not only am I dealing with this and my last term of uni, I've also got the cancer to worry about. My Sister IL and Son IL both had some removed on their forehead.. skin cancer is easy to spot and easy to cure.. I wouldn't worry too much about it.. But, please don't use that for your 'pity party' ... move on.. she's an 'ex' right! Don't try to make her feel guilty.. geezz..
citizen67 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Lizzie - Malignant melonama is actually the serious kind of skin cancer - they arent removing lymph nodes b/c its nothing to worry about. BadNews Bear - my dad had a malignant melanoma with lymph node involvement - it was 5 years ago and he is 100% cancer free today. He underwent an experimental regime involving a vaccine @ Sloane Kettering. Once you get your surgery, explore all your options in terms of your next steps - shop doctors until you find one you trust completely. You are young and this is very scary, but you are strong and you will come out of this OK. I'll be thinking of you. To everyone on here - wear sunscreen
citizen67 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Oh and another thing bad news beers - maybe the ex doesnt know how serious it is - and maybe she does and doesnt know how to deal with it, what to say etc., which is not a defense just a possible explanation. Regardless, her reaction doesn't reflect very well on her, but you need to worry about you right now.
Author badnewsbeers Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Thank you all. First of all, cancer of any kind is scary. Skin cancer that has progressed to the point that mine has is far more scary, because it could now be anywhere in my body causing more cancer. So yes, this is a very serious thing. I wasn't calling her for a pity party, I was calling to let her know that a loved one now has cancer. In no way was this a plot to get the relationship going - what kind of a sick bastard would use cancer as an in? The good news is, she called today and we talked for about 5 hours. She was incredibly upset and in tears about the cancer (I hadn't made it very clear the first time in retrospect), and it was therapuetic for me to try to cheer someone else up. The we moved onto talking about the rest of the relationsihp and had an amazing talk. We apologized for our problems, talked about what we learned, reminisced a little and then went our seperate ways. I've never felt better about the break up and neither has she, and she told me she'd like to be informed about news regarding the situation, and that still can come to her whenever I need, and obviously vice versa. So I correct my original rushed and flawed judgement, my ex gf is an incredible person and one that should aspire to be.
Author badnewsbeers Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 Lizzie - Malignant melonama is actually the serious kind of skin cancer - they arent removing lymph nodes b/c its nothing to worry about. BadNews Bear - my dad had a malignant melanoma with lymph node involvement - it was 5 years ago and he is 100% cancer free today. He underwent an experimental regime involving a vaccine @ Sloane Kettering. Once you get your surgery, explore all your options in terms of your next steps - shop doctors until you find one you trust completely. You are young and this is very scary, but you are strong and you will come out of this OK. I'll be thinking of you. To everyone on here - wear sunscreen Thank you very much, I've got an excellent surgeon in Hamilton and things are looking good. There ar ea lot of doctors/surgeons/pathologists in my family so they're pulling strings and getting thins moving. I will have the surgery hopefully within 2 weeks and I literally cannot wait. Oddly enough, although I do live on a beach town, I rarely let myself get sunburned (and it's on my hip, not a frequent burn location). But thank you again for sharing your experience with me, that helps immeasureably.
Jono Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Hey pal, I hope you're holding in there. Good luck with the treatment, I hope you recover quickly. Just so you know I think your ex is a bitch for not giving you a call to see how you're doing. I mean, I understand everyone moves on and she doesn't want to feel like your guilt tripping her into talking to you, but for f-cks sake, you've been diagnosed with a very serious ailment and she won't even check to see if you're ok. I'm sure she's not a bad person but she should show some humanity. If an ex told me she had cancer I would do my best to help her out, anything less would be wrong and totally self-centred. Not to mention cold as f-ck.
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