gummybear Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Anyone ever successfully done that? Under what circumstances? Did it actually work out?
rod_in_gtown Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I'm now friends with one of my exes. We weren't able to do this until many years after our break up. I started dating her in 1997 and then I got back in touch with her after my divorce in 2007. I went to visit her back early 2007 and though there was still attraction I got over it pretty quickly (She's dating someone semi-seriously) and now we talk relatively often. I can see my ex-wife every now and then but I wouldn't consider her my friend. I definitely don't discuss with her aspects of my private life. I don't feel I can really trust her after all the shenanigans she pulled during our separation and divorce.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I have been friends with my last ex for the last two years. He calls me now and then, and we e-mail from time to time. But I was starting to think he was holding on to old feelings, and I started pulling back on the friendship and decreasing contact. Then recently, when I admitted my current boyfriend and I are having some problems, my ex said, "Do you think we'll get back together again someday? I think we might." Guess that confirms my suspicion that he's interested in being more than just friends! I e-mail with another ex maybe two or three times a year. I saw his mom last Christmas (she and my ex's dad live in my hometown, and I got along really well with them). She told me that every one of his girlfriends since we broke up has complained to her that he constantly compares them to me. I admit I found some small satisfaction in that, but I also realized he's as dumb as ever and felt sorry for his girlfriends. So, to answer your question, no, I have never done it successfully.
Lishy Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 You can only be friends when absolutely ZERO feelings are involved on both parts!
CaliGuy Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 My question is WHY?! What can your ex give you as a friend that you can't have/find in another friend whom you haven't dated? See what I am getting at here? What is the point?
Author gummybear Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 My question is WHY?! What can your ex give you as a friend that you can't have/find in another friend whom you haven't dated? See what I am getting at here? What is the point? What I realize is that I often only date guys who I find to be special and that I really admire. They are also very nice. My ex and I didn't end due to arguing etc but rather because I moved away. We got along great and there was no bad stuff ever. Currently he can't talk to me because he is somewhat bitter about the breakup and he has feelings for me. But I wonder perhaps months later whether we can be friends again because like I said it's not often I find someone I really like as a person and when I do I end up dating them and when the relationship ends it's a real shame. My last 2 exes are both also really special people and it's a shame they are no longer in my life but I wonder if there are exceptions to that.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 What I realize is that I often only date guys who I find to be special and that I really admire. They are also very nice. My ex and I didn't end due to arguing etc but rather because I moved away. We got along great and there was no bad stuff ever. Currently he can't talk to me because he is somewhat bitter about the breakup and he has feelings for me. But I wonder perhaps months later whether we can be friends again because like I said it's not often I find someone I really like as a person and when I do I end up dating them and when the relationship ends it's a real shame. My last 2 exes are both also really special people and it's a shame they are no longer in my life but I wonder if there are exceptions to that. Gummybear only chance of exes becoming friends is if they learn to let go of their bitterness or they're entirely comfortable being around the same person they once had sex with. There are exceptions, but chances are you won't find alot of them here on LS. Personally I can't be friends with any guy that I've been involved with. I have no need to be friends with someone that I once had feelings for. That is why it's important to set boundaries between friends and (ex) boyfriends.
djhall Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 My question is WHY?! What can your ex give you as a friend that you can't have/find in another friend whom you haven't dated? See what I am getting at here? What is the point? You probably saw something oher than just physical attraction in the person when you were dating them, and that doesn't change just because you are aren't sexual anymore. So you have this person whom you like, you know each other well, you have a shared history together... assuming you didn't grow to hate each other while you were dating, what would be the point of throwing that away?
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 In the past I've only been friends with someone that when the breakup happened splitting was mutual. Those are the best type of breakups too.. where you just both agree that it isn't working out and truly wish each other the best and mean it. If one person dumps the other then you cannot be friends unless both parties move on and no longer want anything romantic with the other. Today.. being married I am not friends with any ex's.. I wouldn't want to disrespect my relationship with my wife
CaliGuy Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 You probably saw something oher than just physical attraction in the person when you were dating them, and that doesn't change just because you are aren't sexual anymore. So you have this person whom you like, you know each other well, you have a shared history together... assuming you didn't grow to hate each other while you were dating, what would be the point of throwing that away? As long as one or the other has romantic interest in an ex, friendship won't work and all it will do is keep you down. Like I said, what is the point? Hang out with your real friends. That is what they're for. Not your exs.
djhall Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Hang out with your real friends. That is what they're for. Not your exs. I guess I just must be really strange... With the exception of my "best friend", all my friends are female and are people I was involved with at one point or another in the past. No one else really knows me well enough or has spent enough time with me to be considered a friend. Those are the best type of breakups too.. where you just both agree that it isn't working out and truly wish each other the best and mean it. I suppose my experience is unusual is that I can't think of anyone I dated for longer than two or three weeks where that isn't the case.
sunshinegirl Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I am friends with only one ex. We were on NC after our breakup so I could move on (he dumped me). Got back in touch when I was in my last relationship (my boyfriend at the time had no prob with it and I wanted to signal to the ex that I didn't have romantic interest - it actually helped that I was dating someone else). All seemed fine until a few weeks ago when the ex ex admitted he still had feelings for me. (After dumping me two years ago!) I said I didn't want to date him again, he said okay let's not talk about this again, then. And we seem to be back on track for a regular friendship.
pandagirl Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I am friendly with a few people I dated. It's not like we're hanging out weekly, but we'll see each other a few times a year and exchange emails. If both people are truly over the other, then I think being friends can work out! I think it's silly that so many people are against it.
girlygirl25 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I am friends with one of my exes who I went out with in college. We had only dated about a month before we realized that it wasn't really going anywhere. I think it's like Lishy said though, being freinds with the ex only really works if neither party has ANY feelings for each other. Otherwise, the situation could get a little messy.
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 I'm civil or friends with all my exes. Of course this is after a period of respectful distance.
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