Cobain82 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 This summer, I had the great opportunity of running into one of the most remarkable girls I've met up to this point in my life. I really hit it off with this girl on an intellectual level -- something that doesn't happen very often for me. When we first started hanging out, she cautioned me that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend. She was only going to be here for the summer (she lives here, but goes to school an hour away), and told me she was only looking for a "fling." That's fine and understandable, but it doesn't add up... when we hung out, it was very much like a traditional boyfriend-girlfriend type thing (dinner / movie dates, hand-holding on walks, etc). Furthermore, we didn't really do the things that are associated with a fling (there wasn't any physical interaction beyond some moderate kissing). It really confused me, and so I didn't know what to make of it. She even conceded that it was starting to feel like a relationship, but wasn't sure if that's what she wanted. She ended up leaving for the summer, and she had really left her mark on me, so I was hoping to continue things. When I asked where we went from here, she told me that she wasn't sure, and suggested we just kind of go along with it and see what happens. She wasn't interested in committing to anything, but said that when she comes back into town, she would want to hang out. Similarly, she suggested that I go down there every once in a while to meet up. Within a few days of leaving, she called me and we ended up having a talk. I've been very explicit with her the whole time, and explained that I am interested in her as more than just someone to fool around with. I want to pursue a relationship with her, and made my intentions very clear. I asked her if she viewed me as a potential boyfriend, and she said that she didn't know. She was very complimentary of me intellectually, but said that she has trouble being intimate with me. It wasn't a lack of physical attraction, though. I know what she's talking about -- I do have trouble opening up and being intimate with her, because she fails to commit to me. It's difficult to throw your heart out there to someone when you know a girl is hanging out with other guys. Quite simply, it makes their words and actions feel tainted and disingenuous. I'm basically at this crosswords right now. I have one of two options: I can continue to keep in touch with her (eg: a "just to let you know I'm here" text or a phone call her and there), and hang out with her and have the time of my life every 3 weeks / month or so. The downside of this, though, is that the time in between is really agonizing and depressing. I'll have to accept that part of the reason that I don't see / hear from her that often is because she is hanging out with other guys (more than likely just as guys to have fun with, probably not 'love interests'). Another problem is that this isn't necessarily just a "pay your dues" type thing. It's not just riding out the storm until she is ready to settle down, because she doesn't know if I am a potential boyfriend or not. If I keep hanging out with her, I could get really emotionally invested for nothing. I want to add that I do try and not get hung up on it from this standpoint, and I don't let it stop me from pursuing other girls or anything... but, let's face it, that's much easier said than done. The other option would be to just try and get her out of my life and just try to move on. This would probably be more difficult at first, but in the end would probably leave me more sane after I got over it. But then I'd have to live with knowing that I am possibly forgoing the closest thing to a potential serious, long-term relationship with a girl I absolutely adore. This is a long post, and I apologize. I'm just trying to be very clear. I'll try and elaborate or explain things if something doesn't add up or doesn't make sense. Thank you very much for reading and for any responses...
EllaDerSpin Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 If you want something that the relationship is not giving you then your options are: A) Walking away B) Accepting it as it is without hoping it will change
Author Cobain82 Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 If you want something that the relationship is not giving you then your options are: A) Walking away B) Accepting it as it is without hoping it will change Thanks for the reply. Anyone else have any thoughts? I think about this a lot and would really appreciate some more objective opinions.
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