oceangrl Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I was curious because my mom has given me so much advice (most of which I didn't want to hear)....and later I found that she was right....she could somehow pick up subtle hints in certain guys that would alarm her and shed warn me--even if she didnt know anything about them! She just had to be in the same room with them and she would just know.... So how much do you think your parents (or family's) opinion shape who you ended up with? Have your parents ever been accurate with their judgments of your gf/bf?
HokeyReligions Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Yes. Don't forget our parents lived through our ages and most likely had very similar experiences; and faced the same challenges. And since they raised you, you will likley have the same morals and decision-making processed they had, and experience the same passions and doubts - only they are on the other side of the emotions and can see the logistics. It's OK to learn from others mistakes and experiences.
Angel1111 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 With age comes experience and with experience comes a person who isn't easily fooled and who sees the signs in words and behaviors. I wouldn't say that all parents know best but most of them do. My family didn't have much influence over who I ended up with because they rarely said anything because my family thinks that it's best to learn from your own mistakes. There was one guy they weren't nuts about because he irritated them but they never told me that until I ended things with him. And the most recent guy I was in a serious relationship with they didn't like at all, nor did my friends, and I should've paid attention to that because it was a big clue. What your mother picks up on are tone, attitude, behavior and a multitude of other things all at once. People's words and comments alone carry a lot of signals and say a lot about a person's thoughts and character. It would be good to listen to your mom because it sounds like she's a good judge of character.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Though at the same time my Mum still wants to meet the guy I am dating even before I know if we are going to be a couple. Thinks that anyone who is worth dating me can see me before 10pm in the week. lol And so on. Did I mention I am 30 and don't give her details on my personal life? Yet she still asks me if I am going to see a guy again if she happens to find out I was on a date.
vonerik012 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Sweet, I actually think thats cute, and sweet when a mom takes such an interest. I love meeting parents. It actually makes me think she comes from a good place, and would be a good catch.
Author oceangrl Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 I've asked her why she favors my bf now over the previous...she said this one has college education and the others didnt. It makes it seems as if she wants me to end up with someone who will take care of me instead of someone who truly cares for me. I can support myself financially...I dont need a man for that....but she thinks that a guy should provide a good living for a woman....thats why she married my father....but it turns out he didnt have any money and she was left to work very hard because his income alone couldnt support a family. I dont think she ever loved my dad but they are still together maybe out of convience... So It makes me wonder if her judgment of my bf is really accurate or if shes blinded by his credentials.
Author oceangrl Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 Did I mention I am 30 and don't give her details on my personal life? Yet she still asks me if I am going to see a guy again if she happens to find out I was on a date. I do that now too!
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Sweet, I actually think thats cute, and sweet when a mom takes such an interest. I love meeting parents. It actually makes me think she comes from a good place, and would be a good catch. Don't get me wrong I don't appreciate it sometimes. But she is also the type of person who thinks this is her opinion therefore that is the only way. So if she hears I was out on a weeknight late (usually from my sister) she tells me what she things and therefore if he were a respectable man he would want to date me before nightfall on a week night! lol Also she doesn't understand that I want to figure out what is happening with the guy before she meets him!
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 LOL, How old is your mom? American? She is 55 and Canadian (Scottish born)
rod_in_gtown Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 My parents have always been right about the women and situations I've been in. Many times they're wary to tell me because I'm very independent and they don't want me to make my decisions based on their opinions. But they love me very much and have my best interests at heart. Do listen to them, take their advise into consideration and know that they'll love you and respect you for making your own decisions (at least that's my case) And yes, they generally know best. They have experience that we do not. College education is not only about financial security, it's about interests and growing as a person, it exposes you to a wealth of information and cultures that people without it seldom have. However, this is a generalization because not all college educated guys are worth the time of the day and not all HS dropouts are challenged culturally/financially. I think character and moral fiber are key and that's usually what parents pick up on.
lovestruck818 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I was curious because my mom has given me so much advice (most of which I didn't want to hear)....and later I found that she was right....she could somehow pick up subtle hints in certain guys that would alarm her and shed warn me--even if she didnt know anything about them! She just had to be in the same room with them and she would just know.... So how much do you think your parents (or family's) opinion shape who you ended up with? Have your parents ever been accurate with their judgments of your gf/bf? My mom knows everything. My mom knew Adam wasn't good for me months before I knew it. I needed to see for myself though. Moms know- they've been through it all before. I used to think knowing everything was a requirement to becoming a mom- lol.
jerbear Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 My mom knows everything. My mom knew Adam wasn't good for me months before I knew it. I needed to see for myself though. Moms know- they've been through it all before. I used to think knowing everything was a requirement to becoming a mom- lol. That is the truth! My mom knew things before I even experienced them. After going through the experience, my parents told me about it. On the flip side: After college, she had no clue what happened in my life and were surprised that I was able to do certain things, figure things out, and somethings went way over them.:lmao:
LionLover Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Well, I don't think it's that they necessarily "know" for sure what's best for you per se, but I think what needs to be behind it (depending on if they are good parents with genuine concern), is that they only have your best interest at heart. They have your best interests at heart, will give you their opinion, but will also give you the flexibility to make your own decision. They will help guide you in the right direction, not tell you which direction you should go. Also, what about your father? For examplel, my father took on the authorative/disciplinary role whereas my Mom was the "advicey" one. Just wondering if your Mom is the main one to give the advise & be the disciplinary one.
CommitmentPhobe Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 No, you should be able to outhink your parents at some point, otherwise you haven't evolved.
audrey_1 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Well, I don't think it's that they necessarily "know" for sure what's best for you per se, but I think what needs to be behind it (depending on if they are good parents with genuine concern), is that they only have your best interest at heart. They have your best interests at heart, will give you their opinion, but will also give you the flexibility to make your own decision. They will help guide you in the right direction, not tell you which direction you should go. Also, what about your father? For examplel, my father took on the authorative/disciplinary role whereas my Mom was the "advicey" one. Just wondering if your Mom is the main one to give the advise & be the disciplinary one. My mom has always been opinionated about who I've dated, and she's been dead-on with most. She adored my ex-fiancee; I did, too, just not enough to marry him. She is less than thrilled with my current situation. She liked him when we were in elementary school; he was quiet. Lol. But now she just thinks he lacks character and won't be there for me when I need him. She's probably right. On the other hand, my dad has never been that involved; except there is a time, when my high school boyfriend came to pick me up; he sat outside my house and honked the horn. I could see dad seething....he walked outside, made him roll down his car window, and said if he didn't come to the door to get me, I wasn't ever leaving with him again, to show some respect. :lmao: But in my current situation, he keeps telling me to be patient. He likes him and his family, and thinks he may be taking it slow to improve our chances of working out long term.
Lucky_One Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Does she mean "pick you up before 10" or "have you home by 10"? I totally agree with picking you up at a reasonable time, or not wanting to meet you at 10 or 11 in some bar. That makes you look easy and desparate. Having you home by 10 on a week night is a bit much for an adult. If you live on your own, you don't have a curfew. If you live at home, then she might like knowing that you are home safe and sound for her own mental health and ease of sleeping. However, 10 is appropriate for an 18 year old.
CommitmentPhobe Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 However, 10 is appropriate for an 18 year old. Say what? At 18 you can do what you want, you're a fully grown adult.
spookie Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 If my parents had it their way, I'd be a stay at home mom at 22 raising 4 children. They honestly stopped having any kind of influence over my decisions when I was 14, though I don't claim to have made the right ones.
Author oceangrl Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 And yes, they generally know best. They have experience that we do not. College education is not only about financial security, it's about interests and growing as a person, it exposes you to a wealth of information and cultures that people without it seldom have. Yeah, good point! Also, what about your father? For examplel, my father took on the authorative/disciplinary role whereas my Mom was the "advicey" one. Just wondering if your Mom is the main one to give the advise & be the disciplinary one. My dad doesn't have as much authority as my mother. But that didn't stop my dad from disapproving either. My dad is very old-fashioned....and if he had it his way, I would be single until I'm 40 and only date asian guys. He doesn't like the idea of interracial dating. The first time I was out with my bf (hes white) we came home at midnight. Keep in mind--I live at home until I graduate from the university because I don't make enough money to move out while paying for school. So when he dropped me off at midnight, my dad walked to his car. My bf rolled down the window....and my dad let him have it! It was something like "I don't like you, I dont want you to date my daughter!" :mad: That was the most embarrassing moment of my life. I wanted to die. But hey....if that didn't scare my bf away, then that must mean hes a keeper right ? hahaha!
spookie Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I also wanted to add that my parents not only don't advise me re: the people I date, but they also don't want to hear about anything related to my relationships. In their opinion if you date someone for too long before marriage you're basically a slut, so having had numerous boyfriends AND sex I'm a giant whore, which they prefer to avoid having to think about.
sweetbutcheeky Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I also wanted to add that my parents not only don't advise me re: the people I date, but they also don't want to hear about anything related to my relationships. In their opinion if you date someone for too long before marriage you're basically a slut, so having had numerous boyfriends AND sex I'm a giant whore, which they prefer to avoid having to think about. I was just thinking about generation differences, which is what my mum usually fight about because she comes from one and thinks she is right. I come from another, know myself and know what life is like for people my age. (I know people go out after dark during the week! lol) Having sex before marriage is different from when they were are age. Also living together before marriage. In my first long term, to whom I was engaged to, my Mum called his Mum to make sure we weren't sleeping in the same room!! I found out after I was broken up with him from my sister that my Grandfather was not happy about the fact that I was living with my ex before marriage.
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