thatdude Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I'm dating this girl who is pretty, intelligent, very understanding, works out regularly, great temperament, we've never fought, has a great career, no bad habits, comes from a great family, and seems like the complete package! We even support the same candidate for President and have several common interests. I'm lucky to be dating her in so many ways. So what could possibly be wrong? Unfortunately she's a total "plain jane" and "goody two shoes". She doesn't have any sense of style. She wears clothes that make her look way older than her age. She reminds me of my aunts. I've never seen her in a tank top or shorts or anything sexy.She doesn't care for things like designer purses or any kind of makeup. This may seem odd, but she is too "LOW maintenance" for a woman in my opinion. (I want to be able to spoil a girl sometimes)She has obviously never visited a decent hair salon because her hair looks like an Amish woman. Even though she could do great things with it.She doesn't seem to enjoy any form of music (live, radio, CD etc), never goes to bars or clubs, and if I want to go dancing with good friends she would decline. She does not drink, dance, or do anything mildly risque.She is in her late 20's, almost 30 and still a virgin. She refuses to have sex until marriage or until she is "100% sure about the guy" (whatever that means).For all the above reasons, I am frankly bored of her. I'm not the most adventurous/outgoing/social guy in the world, but I do like to have fun and go a little crazy sometimes. She just isn't ever up for anything. We've known each other for a year and dated steadily for about 3 months. The virginity thing is also creating a huge problem for me, because I believe sexual compatibility is crucial in a relationship. She says she's willing to make small changes, but I don't have the energy or patience to keep changing her into something she's not. On the other hand, I'd like to get married within the next couple of years and someone like her would make perfect "wife material". She's emotionally very stable, will make a great mom and raise kids right, always be around, never even think about cheating, make a great living, never throw fits, basically keep a family together. She's the quintessential "safe bet". What should I do? Take a chance with her and hope she changes into someone more fun? Or walk away because we have a fundamental incompatibility? please advice.
Angel1111 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 You want a woman/wife that goes through a little trouble to look appealing to you, who has some sexual energy, some class, esteem, etc. There's nothing wrong with that but I'm curious about what attracted you to her in the first place. Did she look like she looks now? No, you should not take a chance on her just because she's a safe bet. You never know, she may not be a safe bet. She may discover herself at age 35 and it could all blow apart. Also, don't ever be with someone hoping that they'll change. Usually what you see will magnify itself 10x when you're married. Now visualize that.
itgirlragdoll Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Sexual chemistry being important to you (and I understand, it is to me as well), what if you get married and don't find out till then that there is none? Someone so plain and conservative in every other aspect isn't exactly a guaranteed spitfire in the sack. Sure, you never know, but I personally wouldn't marry a person with no idea of their sexual nature. And given her rather plain appearance and not-quite-exhilarating lifestyle, regardless of how good of a wife she'd make, it's worthless if you'd be desiring something/someone else the entire time you're married.
MinusTwo Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I wouldn't settle for her if you're already looking at all of those negative aspects. And I don't think they're petty at all. A sense of style is HUGE. If she isn't putting out the effort to make herself look good while shes young and can pull of dressing terribly, imagine her in her 30's/40's/50's? Especially if she has terrible hair (i'm a hairdresser, so forgive me, but that's a huge turn-off). Also, to not have any musical interest is pretty boring. There goes going to concerts together, etc. I don't know, she sounds like a really boring person. I don't care if she was the most naturally beautiful woman in the world, if she had no sense of style or music, I would definitely NOT be interested!
MinusTwo Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I would also like to add this. Are you a pretty sexual person? Because if she doesn't even bother to take care of her hair, can you imagine her grooming down there? I'm being serious.
JoeNewbie Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 First, never expect people to change. They don't. Second, you've been dating for three months only. You know very little about her. Don't make the mistake of thinking that the first three months are representative. The rest is up to your judgment. She's almost 30 and still a virgin - are you truly surprised by the rest?
Angel1111 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I would also like to add this. Are you a pretty sexual person? Because if she doesn't even bother to take care of her hair, can you imagine her grooming down there? I'm being serious. LMAO!!!! Good one!
rod_in_gtown Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 It sounds to me like she's built a pretty good wall. she's a masonry expert and the building looks wonderful and solid from the outside. "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably isn't", <selfAgrandizingStatement>trust me, I'm the exception that PROVES the rule</selfAgrandizingStatement>. I smell a trojan horse, I'm sure there is something that she is too afraid to show anyone else, and this probably will come out when her life hits her and by then you'll be in the middle of a marriage. Take caution. from what you're saying, there is something else going on under the hood.
a4a Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I doubt you will get much more sex when married to her... sounds like she has some serious sexual issues. You could marry her and keep a whore on the side. Spoil the hot whore!!! Just give the wife small appliances and dish towels.
stillafool Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 She doesn't care for things like designer purses or any kind of makeup. This may seem odd, but she is too "LOW maintenance" for a woman in my opinion. (I want to be able to spoil a girl sometimes) What do you mean by spoil her? On the other hand, I'd like to get married within the next couple of years and someone like her would make perfect "wife material". She's emotionally very stable, will make a great mom and raise kids right, always be around, never even think about cheating, make a great living, never throw fits, basically keep a family together. She's the quintessential "safe bet". The one thing you didn't say above is you'd like to marry her because you love her. Why do guys go for a "safe bet" instead of a girl who will rock their world?
Shygirl15 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Yes, break up with her, if you're not sexually attracted to her.
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