Bells Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 This was funny, I was talking to a guy who said, that he was marrying his "Wife" in a year from now. That they were engaged to be married. Don't you find it kind of wierd a man, who is merely engaged, calling his fiance' his "wife". Esp when the wedding day is in a year?
konfuzd Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Nope. I don't think it's strange. My bf introduces me as "the wifey" sometimes, and I'll call him "my hubby". We're not officially engaged, but he's already told me he plans on proposing, and we will be married in 2 years. I think it's adorable. We also refer to eachother's parents as the in-laws. I don't see any problem with it. Why does it bother you so much?
Jilly Bean Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 What do you care what he calls her, Hiitsme? Whatever you do, please don't post his pictures or profile or anything personal like you did the other lady. We all know how you get when you are confused on intentions...
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Don't you find it kind of wierd a man, who is merely engaged, calling his fiance' his "wife". Not really. My b/f and I have been living together for 5 months, and I noticed he referred to me as his "wife" last week, sometime. We've been dating for 10 years. We haven't had a single conversation about getting married. I think it's just an easier label to use, at some point. (Yeah...same with calling each other's families "in-laws" -- simpler explanation.) And then b/f was talking to his friend who got married 4 weeks ago. B/f said, "Well, now that you're married, you can always ask your girlfriend to <what they were talking about>." So...who knows? Either my b/f is a freak...OR...for some guys (and gals) the commitment is in their hearts, not a piece of paper that makes what's in their hearts "legal".
porter218 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Nope. I don't think it's strange. My bf introduces me as "the wifey" sometimes, and I'll call him "my hubby". We're not officially engaged, but he's already told me he plans on proposing, and we will be married in 2 years. I think it's adorable. We also refer to eachother's parents as the in-laws. I don't see any problem with it. Why does it bother you so much? I really hate it when people do this....especially when they aren't even engaged. I feel like the people who do this don't understand the difference between bf/gf and H/W. Its a huge difference... When guys tried to do this with me before I got married I would correct them...I didn't want to make a mockery of those vows I had yet to take.
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I didn't want to make a mockery of those vows I had yet to take. Marriage vows are definitely significant and meaningful. For me, the terms 'wife' and 'husband' speak to the commitment and love that are present between the two people, with or without external blessing or knowledge -- kind of, those had to exist (or, ought to have) before the individuals ever agreed to offer their vows to each other. Maybe it goes to personal beliefs about what part of the marriage ceremony and institution is heart/spiritual, and what part of it is societal/legal?
vonerik012 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Not really. My b/f and I have been living together for 5 months, and I noticed he referred to me as his "wife" last week, sometime. We've been dating for 10 years. We haven't had a single conversation about getting married. I think it's just an easier label to use, at some point. (Yeah...same with calling each other's families "in-laws" -- simpler explanation.) And then b/f was talking to his friend who got married 4 weeks ago. B/f said, "Well, now that you're married, you can always ask your girlfriend to <what they were talking about>." So...who knows? Either my b/f is a freak...OR...for some guys (and gals) the commitment is in their hearts, not a piece of paper that makes what's in their hearts "legal". Or some guys do not want to get married when they do not have to, and some women are satisfied with just being called a wife without actually being one..
konfuzd Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I really hate it when people do this....especially when they aren't even engaged. I feel like the people who do this don't understand the difference between bf/gf and H/W. Its a huge difference... When guys tried to do this with me before I got married I would correct them...I didn't want to make a mockery of those vows I had yet to take. I understand if you hate it in your own situation, but what business is it of yours if others do it and they are happy?? My man and I are going to get married, we have made a commitment to spend the rest of our lives together, just because we don't have the time nor the finances to make it official, doesn't mean we are less committed to eachother. I know that by law, he's not my husband yet, and I would never call myself "Mrs. _____". It's all done in fun and only in certain situations when we are with close friends who know where he and I are in our relationship or when it's he and I alone.
jadedone Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Depending on where you live, 2 people of opposite sex living together for a certain period of time qualifies them for common law marriage
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Or some guys do not want to get married when they do not have to, and some women are satisfied with just being called a wife without actually being one.. Yes, exactly! Who wants to do what they do not HAVE to do...and who would not be satisfied with what they ARE satisfied? Regardless of gender, needless to add.
vonerik012 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 OR.. What if I just have a FWB, and play around that she is my girlfriend, yet she really is not. Would that make her happy too? lol
porter218 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I understand if you hate it in your own situation, but what business is it of yours if others do it and they are happy?? . It is none of my business, but non the less this is how I feel about it. My man and I are going to get married, we have made a commitment to spend the rest of our lives together, just because we don't have the time nor the finances to make it official, doesn't mean we are less committed to each other. I just can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say exactly what you said here then 5 years down the road they are saying the same thing with someone else. But to each their own... just stating my opinion..I just find it silly.
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 What if I just have a FWB, and play around that she is my girlfriend, yet she really is not. Would that make her happy too? You'd need to ask each and every FWB -- some of them will be fine with it and some of them won't. But it's the same principle, yes...if one person IS happy with it, then that person IS happy with it. (Not sure what you're not getting -- it's really just logic: One IS one. Happy is happy. Satisfied is satisfied. It depends on each individual. So, just ask your FWBs...or start a thread, maybe, if you're still confused as to how you should proceed?) OP was asking, I think, if there is a general consensus that calling your unmarried partner 'husband' or 'wife' is weird. I think it is an individual call -- some people will think it's weird, and some people won't.
vonerik012 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I was being sarcastic. I guess if it is done in a joking manner, and both laugh, what's the problem. If some are trying to say that being boyfriend and girlfriend is the same, so why not just call each other husband and wife, then I disagree.
konfuzd Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 It is none of my business, but non the less this is how I feel about it. I just can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say exactly what you said here then 5 years down the road they are saying the same thing with someone else. But to each their own... just stating my opinion..I just find it silly. What about people who get married more than once? They vow to stay together through good times and bad, 'till death do them part and all that... so when they say those vows are they just silly?
whichwayisup Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Don't you find it kind of wierd a man, who is merely engaged, calling his fiance' his "wife". Esp when the wedding day is in a year? Nope not at all. He obviously thinks of her now as his wife and getting married just makes it official legally.
porter218 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 What about people who get married more than once? They vow to stay together through good times and bad, 'till death do them part and all that... so when they say those vows are they just silly? Yes..... Getting divorced I understand. But remarrying, some people more then once is ridiculous. It may work for some but I wouldn't do that. If my M doesn't work out , well then thats it. I am not going to go on and pledge my undying love again to some other man. That just sounds like dating not really marriage.
Crestfallen_KH Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Wow, porter, usually I agree with you but saying something like "remarrying is...ridiculous" is really judgmental. There are those of us who FOUGHT for our marriages, but had spouses just check out. I meant "til death do us part" - he didn't. So I should be penalized or "give up" trying again because my husband checked out? I guess I don't see it so black and white or see myself as a failure who should just quit. I think I'd be selling myself short. You're definitely entitled to your opinion, but considering what you've been through in your own marriage (and the judgments you've faced for staying in it) I guess I'd expected more of an open mind.
porter218 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Wow, porter, usually I agree with you but saying something like "remarrying is...ridiculous" is really judgmental. There are those of us who FOUGHT for our marriages, but had spouses just check out. I meant "til death do us part" - he didn't. So I should be penalized or "give up" trying again because my husband checked out? I guess I don't see it so black and white or see myself as a failure who should just quit. I think I'd be selling myself short. You're definitely entitled to your opinion, but considering what you've been through in your own marriage (and the judgments you've faced for staying in it) I guess I'd expected more of an open mind. It isn't a blanket statement. I said it works for some. But most of the people I know who did it seem to have just run out to marry the next man in line just to posses that title "Mrs.". That is what is ridiculous. Or more so people like my paternal grandmother who married 5 times...3 of which was to the same man over and over again. That is why I pointed out remarrying 'more then once'. (meaning more then a total of 2 marriages). I am of an open mind. But for me I have gotten all I need from M. I have 1 kid and one on the way. If my M doesn't work out I don't see the need for another. Sure I have received some judgement from people about trying to save my M, but I never really cared what anyone thinks except for myself.
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I am not going to go on and pledge my undying love again My marriage didn't work out, and that part used to have me puzzled, too. I have no plans to remarry but, if that came up, I'd resolve my own dilemma by saying vows that are more authentic and meaningful for my current stage of life (which, I really ought to have spent more time on them before, anyway.) I wouldn't let mere words and phrases stop me from remarrying, though...to me, that would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. And that's not something I want to be known for .
porter218 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 My marriage didn't work out, and that part used to have me puzzled, too. I have no plans to remarry but, if that came up, I'd resolve my own dilemma by saying vows that are more authentic and meaningful for my current stage of life (which, I really ought to have spent more time on them before, anyway.) I wouldn't let mere words and phrases stop me from remarrying, though...to me, that would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. And that's not something I want to be known for . That is an interesting idea. Like what?? I don't consider mere words standing in my way. I just don't see the point in marrying again. What benefit would that have??
rod_in_gtown Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Not strange at all. they've made the commitment, but haven't exchanged vows yet. what happens in the minds and hearts of people when they choose to live together for the rest of their lives does not have to match the day they actually have the ceremony and get married. Mostly the reson people have long engagements is to allow for everyone else to act acordingly. My sister and her man are getting married today (civil wedding) but they won't have a religious celebration until may next year to allow for everyone to come to town and partake in the celebration.
Shygirl15 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Don't you find it kind of wierd a man, who is merely engaged, calling his fiance' his "wife". Esp when the wedding day is in a year? No, it's not weird. What's weird is you finding that weird enough to make a thread out of it.
Author Bells Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 It is none of my business, but non the less this is how I feel about it. I just can't tell you how many times I have heard someone say exactly what you said here then 5 years down the road they are saying the same thing with someone else. But to each their own... just stating my opinion..I just find it silly. What's so funny is....I talk to a woman, she has an engagement ring on....talks about her fiance. Then when I ask them when's the date..t.hey say, "Eh, we're in no rush" I sometimes feel like retracting the congrats. ...because they aren't really commiting, just delaying it. lol.
Author Bells Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 Not strange at all. they've made the commitment, but haven't exchanged vows yet. what happens in the minds and hearts of people when they choose to live together for the rest of their lives does not have to match the day they actually have the ceremony and get married. Mostly the reson people have long engagements is to allow for everyone else to act acordingly. My sister and her man are getting married today (civil wedding) but they won't have a religious celebration until may next year to allow for everyone to come to town and partake in the celebration. What's funny is I bet a good percentage of engagements wind up broken anyways. Calling your "fiance'" your wife is a bit pre-mature. Much less referring to your girlfriend as the wife.
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