arghwhatt Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Basically dated this guy for 2 years.. he was my first love but I wasn't so great with handling him. I kept breaking his heart for short periods of time because I just wasn't sure if he really loved me, he just seemed way too obsessed with having sex ALL the time so I'd take short breaks from him.. he'd always assume it was over and get really cut up about it... beg for me back for a little while and then drop contact. But as soon as he dropped contact I'd always find a way back into his arms again. He never did anything to hurt me.. until last August when we were on a break. When I came back to him he told me there were still feelings but he'd met someone else and was sick of being hurt by me. I knew the girl.. she was model material and really sweet. I couldn't compete, I couldn't convince him to give us another try. I just made things worse by hanging around and trying to win him back. I did little things I knew he couldn't resist and he'd just put me in my place. Then I went NC. I was devastated but I knew it was over. We spoke a few times over the space of 13 months. I'd ask about her and things were always perfect between them. Now suddenly... he starts messaging me on facebook. First time he's made the effort to contact me in the entire time. Whenever I end a conversation, he starts a new one. I told him not to get any ideas. He admits he's been thinking about it. A week later, suddenly he breaks down telling me he loves me and the entire thing was a stupid mistake and she never satisfied him like I did. He has started begging for me back, for another chance. I still love him... but I just don't think I have the time or the patience for it anymore... I really don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful
0hpenelope Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 A week later, suddenly he breaks down telling me he loves me and the entire thing was a stupid mistake and she never satisfied him like I did. He has started begging for me back, for another chance. I still love him... but I just don't think I have the time or the patience for it anymore... I really don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful Have both of you guys changed enough that you'd be willing to try again? There's so many factors that go into this whole second chance thing... are these changes between you guys for good? Or you'd find yourselves reverting to your old selves like the first time around after the relationship becomes comfortable again? 13 months is a long time, sure. I keep going back to this, though.... I just don't think I have the time or the patience for it anymore... So... What's the dilemma? You want him back, but you "know better"? Or you don't want him back, it's just you don't really know how to say it? Do you want him back because you have someone who wants to be in a relationship with you after a considerable amount of time of not being with anyone? Perhaps you've changed in a way that you have a feeling you shouldn't try again. Or you can start by asking why would you want to try again with him. Self-reflection. You have to take care of yourself first before you take care of other people.
Angel1111 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 One thing I've learned is that the dynamics between two people almost never change. And don't get too focused on that word 'almost'. I just don't like to make absolute statements but this is very nearly an absolute statement. So if you're mostly over him and are no longer hurting over this, don't go there. Whatever it is in his personality that makes you bolt, will come back to haunt you. The truth is that, whatever it is about him that bugged you, may have ended up bugging the model girl too much, too. The issues between the two of you will most likely not end. I've seen this over and over again. I don't recommend investing any more time into this.
BackonTrack Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 weren't you the one who would take short breaks from him all the time and leave him wondering if he would ever see you again?? maybe its all your fault while he found someone else more stable, he probably didn't want to do it but your the one who kept dumping him. give it another go, this time, don't take small breaks.
Author arghwhatt Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 I've talked to him and I think I'm willing to give him another chance, just not right away. Through everything, I really feel like he's a jerk. Told me he'd always be there for me, and then when I came back to him, he wasn't there. Maybe you're right Angel1111. But I just really did care about him through all the problems we had. I just felt no matter how much time we spent together, I never knew him. The ironic thing is he told me the relationship wasn't working between him and the other girl for the same reasons I had problems with him, but vice versa. Maybe he learned something.
EllaDerSpin Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Perhaps you have also learned to communicate with him more instead of taking breaks when you feel insecure.
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