me007 Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 This post over at the Breaks and Breaking up got me thinking more what my ex might be thinking. The last time I talked to him he said I should know him well enough that he doesn't look back, but I think he could of just been saying that so I leave him alone. He moved to the current place he's at now for me, so we could be live and be together. We picked out the apartment together, I did most of the decorating. The furniture was mine. We picked out a queen size mattress (because he had a full before) since we'd be sleeping together. His grandmother give him an heirloom that was supposed to be a surprise handed down to me when him and me got married. Well, I did a little snooping (shhh) and it was a nice gold, diamond necklace. He'll probably give it back to his family, since I'd think he'd feel weird giving it to another girl. I guess I'm wondering how he can not be thinking about me everyday, whether he wants to or not. Just looking around at the place I'd think he'd think about me a little bit. Sadly, most of our bad times happened when we moved in together so when he does think about me it's probably not missing me, but thinking about our arguments and bad times. Most of our good times were before moving in together when we'd just see each other on the weekend. I guess there's nothing around to remind him of those times, although he does have alot of pictures from a couple of vacations and a few places we went to. He'll probably move when the lease is up, and when he's packing up and moving out I wonder if he'll think about us moving in how we helped each other bring our stuff up 3 flights of stairs. I wonder if he'll miss me or feel bad that something that might have been good with a little talking is now gone? Since he's living in the place/image of our negative times, I'm thinking it's going to be a real challenge to try and convince him to try again with me. Like he might walk in the new kitchen and think of the argument we had there, but if he lived where we had good memories he'd remember us havign sex in the kitchen. Do dumpers look back at memories or think things like this?
nickelinadime Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Of course they do. It takes a long time for anyone to fall out of love. He could possibly be downplaying it (that's what my ex does), or is in denial (which my ex is in). It's hard for the dumper and the dumpee, but sometimes it has to happen. Go no contact and it'll get better. I promise! When times are hard, you know where to find us. Believe me, I'm a month into a breakup and this site helps me a lot.
CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 He told you he doesn't look back. Why are you wondering all of this. This doesn't help you heal and move on. Doing what you are doing is merely going to keep you down and in the dumps and pining over someone who doesn't want to be with you. Why would you waste any of your energy on someone who doesn't want to be with you? That is such a huge waste of your time. Focus on YOU and moving on. Focus on being happy and care free. Focus on having fun and living life. Whatever happens with your ex, there is NOTHING you can do. Your hands are tied. For whatever reason, he wants to move on. The best thing you can do right now is to do the same.
Ronni_W Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I agree with Cali...focus on you. Listen to what your ex is telling you. He doesn't look back. That is a fact for him, AND also a fact that he hopes like heck will make you leave him alone. (He's not using it as an excuse, and it's not just a fabrication, for him.) So...he likely is NOT thinking about you "every day" or nearly as often as you are wanting to think. According to your ex, he's NOT the kind who is going to bother too much over old memories and vacation pics. My guess is that he probably does think about you once in a while, but not necessarily with "romance, regret and reconciliation" on his mind. That family heirloom will go to his wife, whomever she may be. Those things don't have names and personalities attached to them, just the 'entity' that will hold whatever title on his family tree. So, no need to even think about that. It's a piece of his family's history that has nothing to do with you. Cali is right that the only person over whom you have total control is yourself, and so you may as well be creating a life that will make YOU happy and peaceful.
Author me007 Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 But he might not help but to look back in this case because the place he is living in right now he's there because of me. There are things around to remind him of me.. not deliberately, like my bedroom set had to be left there because it would of pain to rent a truck and bring it back down 3 flights of stairs. His grandmother gave him the necklace when we went to TX because he was telling all his family we'd be getting engaged in this past Spring/Summer and probably married in the next year or 2..so she wanted me to have something from them when it happened since they didn't have much money. not that it's a material thing..just symbolizing he was serious about me at one time, and not too long ago. It's like giving a gift meant for me to someone else..I guess I'm thinking it might feel awkward giving it to someone else. When he broke up with me he said it was a painful and difficult decision... I know part of him was doubting the decision. He even said to me at one point the harder I try to hold on to it (the relationship) the more I'm losing him, and I didn't really understand it when he said it..I thought if I kept telling him I loved him and was sorry it would be pulling him in closer. I wish I knew all the things I know now then... the begging, saying I'll change, spilling all my love and feelings out on letters thinking it was romantic was really putting more pressure on him and confirming his decision. I have been focusing on myself, and I actually think the breakup was the best thing that could of happened to me. It was a wake up call to look at what I need to improve with myself and my life. Just wish I could do it with him by my side... wish there was another chance to do things right and be a good girlfriend to him.
JooLee Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 i totally understand how you feel. you are living your life but at the same time, feeling the emptiness of his presence and missing what used to be. i get that way too... i miss the times when we used to be good and he used to think i was the best thing happened. but that person is now gone- he is not longer him who he was. right now, he is a stranger. A stranger that doesnt care about you anymore. im sure he does think of you time to time, but i doubt it affects him much. for some reason he chose to be away and if he were regretting it, he would be back by now. so i suggest you to do the same... to stop obsessing and dont let him affect you. Dont let him control your mind. about the necklace thing, let your own mind do the trick for you. if knowing that no one else is to get the necklace, leave it at that.. for i know for sure if word gets out that he gave it to someone else it wud jus kill you. dont bother so much about that. wish you all the best
EllaDerSpin Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 nobody can possibly tell you what is going on in his mind. you cannot know it either. the only thing you can know, is that if he wanted to be back together with you, he would be telling you about it. he would be making sure he told you about it and going out of his way to tell you about it right now, not a few weeks ago, but now. so unless that day comes there really is no point in trying to work it out. your mind is trying to figure out something impossible. it will never solve it. try to redirect your focus.
Author me007 Posted September 6, 2008 Author Posted September 6, 2008 The last time I seen him was a little over a month ago to pick up some mail I got there. I asked him if we could go out to dinner and talk and he said he'll think about it. One of those days before I went there he wasn't picking up my calls and I must of called him about 10 times that night..and that seemed to have annoyed him enough to be the deal buster. When I did see him he said "you know I was going to talk to you, but now I just don't want to after the other night" and later in the conversation he said "but you messed up in the process of getting me back". Should I look at that as maybe he was thinking of trying to work things out? Wish I found this forum and all the stuff I read before then... probably if I knew all this months ago when he was in the process of just thinking about breaking up I could done things better and different to turn it all around for the better.
JooLee Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 never forget that everything happens for a reason... so there's a reason why you didnt find this site earlier n how things got messed up. its not fair for him to blame the mess on you.. it takes two person for things to go haywire... for someone to say things like dat is really immature. and does he think he's the King to tell you "but you messed up in the process of getting me back"? when someone doesnt want to fight for you, there's no point fighting. he's stepping over your heart n spitting at yr heart. i hope you'll realise soon that it is not your fault and that you will love again. you will find someone else who will love you more and dat you will love more as well. the right one will come along. dont give up on yourself. what caliguy said "Why would you waste any of your energy on someone who doesn't want to be with you? That is such a huge waste of your time." is so true- in fact i remember he has repeated the exact words in other threads and it was one of the things that helped me to move on and it hope it helps you too. It's time to stop obsessing about someone else and start looking out for yourself. im sure you're one heck of a girl so go out there and show the world (and him) what you're made of!
EllaDerSpin Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 When I did see him he said "you know I was going to talk to you, but now I just don't want to after the other night" and later in the conversation he said "but you messed up in the process of getting me back". Should I look at that as maybe he was thinking of trying to work things out? It's possible, but you are forgetting something. He ended the relationship already and most people don't end relationships without giving it some thought. He wanted out of the relationship already. He may miss you and momentarily the thought of getting back together might have crossed his mind, but he still wanted out of the relationship in the first place and it is likely he had given that some thought.
sid3 Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 Wow, if an ex called me ten times in one nite she'd be labeled crazy/obsessed. Sorry to sound harsh but put yourself in the other person's shoes. To answer the question in your thread title, yes many people really can just forget about someone and easily move on. That is just the harsh reality and part of the risk we all take when getting emotionally invovled with another.There comes a point where you have to let go for your own self preservation.
0hpenelope Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 ...most people don't end relationships without giving it some thought. I guess Lawrence isn't like most people. OP, he won't forget you. He's given you some thought from time to time. ...But you shouldn't worry about that. No, really. You should stop worrying about whether he's thought of you or not. Another poster's already said this, but I'll say it again: you don't know what's going on in his head. No one knows. The only reason why I say he won't forget you is because you're an ex. Plain and simple. Don't think about whether or not he's forgotten you. That stuff will just drive you crazy + detract you from things that you should worry about.
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