smile711 Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 So to recap quickly...had an A with MM for 2 1/2 years...left wife once 6 months ago and went back after 2 days because his family wanted him to try counseling. Two weeks later, we were back together in the A. He left again in April...NO ONE in his family would speak to him, answer his calls, or return his calls for 4 months. He lived with me for 4 months...made plans for a home and life together...went on beach vacation for a week...he packed up and went back while I was at the gym a couple weeks ago. Said he can't be without his family and they would never accept me. Wanted NC with me (but would still answer if I called). We have been NC for 12 days. I guess every day I wonder if he will call and I wonder if he wonders if I will call. I'm doing good with not calling-it's a struggle but I'm doing it. I really miss the friendship part of the relationship. As days pass, does it make it more or less likely that he will try to contact me? I know that some people I've read about have gone for a long time NC and then the MM calls out of the blue. What's everyone's opinion?
Owl Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 I'd suggest you not speculate on whether or not he'll call you. I'd suggest instead that you focus on living your own life without him. He might call...he might not. If he DOES call, will you resume the affair? Or will you tell him to buzz off because you're tired of being his backup plan? Trying to figure out what he is doing, what he might do, what he's going through...negates the value of NC. It keeps him "in your mind", and just delays your personal recovery from all of this.
Author smile711 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 Thanks, Owl! I guess my problem is that I don't know how to stop thinking about him. When he pops into my mind (which is quite often), it's like he's stuck there! And to be quite honest with you, I don't know what I would do if he did call. Either tell him I love him and miss him or try to strangle him!
norajane Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Thanks, Owl! I guess my problem is that I don't know how to stop thinking about him. When he pops into my mind (which is quite often), it's like he's stuck there! And to be quite honest with you, I don't know what I would do if he did call. Either tell him I love him and miss him or try to strangle him! That's because you have been thinking about him and twisting your life to accommodate him for the last 2 and 1/2 years. It's time to start thinking of YOU and what you want for your life. NC will get easier over time. Not over a few weeks time, but over a longer period of time. Time really works.
LoveHowTo Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 An A with a MM is a no-win situation. As seductive as it is, heartbreak is inevitable, no matter what you've heard about alleged exceptions. There's no easy way to speed up the healing process, but keeping busy helps greatly. Now is the time to call on your friends for some extra companionship. Throw yourself into your work. Call your mother (unless she's the I-told-you-so type). Register for an online dating site and start looking for someone new. Anything but sitting by the phone. Laura www.LoveHowTo.com
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