When did you know it was love?

[cp3]

So the question is does your heart like her just a little bit? Because if you entered the relationship without the slightest of affections then the relationship was doomed to begin with.

 

Yes, my heart is absolutely involved. Just not all the time... There are times when Im with her that I dont even have to think about our relationship, I just react, and that I know is my heart being completely involved.. But there are also times when I seem to have to re-convince myself that I really like her. There have even been times that I have gone over everything about her that I like, and it kinda re-confirms what I thought I felt.

 

I guess my basic confusion comes from me having doubts at all. I always figured that when I would fall in love it that I would have no doubts.. That I would just know with certainty that they were the perfect person for me. The fact that Im on here posting about this at all leads me to being confused. I figured when people were with the person they wanted to marry, they knew it from the start... Im 6 months into my relationship and I still have no idea. I dont know if thats because she's not the right person, or because Im afraid of commitment and being with the same woman forever, or if I just need to give it more time.

[pandagirl]

Yes, my heart is absolutely involved. Just not all the time... There are times when Im with her that I dont even have to think about our relationship, I just react, and that I know is my heart being completely involved.. But there are also times when I seem to have to re-convince myself that I really like her. There have even been times that I have gone over everything about her that I like, and it kinda re-confirms what I thought I felt.

 

I guess my basic confusion comes from me having doubts at all. I always figured that when I would fall in love it that I would have no doubts.. That I would just know with certainty that they were the perfect person for me. The fact that Im on here posting about this at all leads me to being confused. I figured when people were with the person they wanted to marry, they knew it from the start... Im 6 months into my relationship and I still have no idea. I dont know if thats because she's not the right person, or because Im afraid of commitment and being with the same woman forever, or if I just need to give it more time.

 

Love doesn't happen in just ONE way. I think we all believe in the fairytale love at first sight stuff, the romance in movies, and love stories we read and are fed. Sure, this can happen, but more often than not it doesn't.

 

Now that I'm older, I realize -- if the basic, important ingredients are there -- love is a choice. You choose to love someone. A friend once broke up with her boyfriend for pretty much the reasons you are stating here, but after some time apart, she asked herself: "Could I be any happier than I am with him?" And her answer was, "No." Now they are engaged!

 

I think what you're talking about here is totally fair though. I think it's normal to have these doubts; it means you are human.

 

You need to stop thinking so much and just let your heart open up!

[Trialbyfire]

cp3, love happens to people in many different ways. Some, it strikes like lightening, others, it's a slow, slow build.

 

Each time I've fallen in love, it's been different. The one thing I knew for certain, was that I was in love. Whether that person was the right person for me, was an entirely different story.

[spookie]

I think we all have doubts. There is a big difference though between your head doubting your heart and your heart doubting your head.

 

Head doubting heart is a good thing. If your heart says "I lover her" then your head needs to decide if that is a good thing or not. Some people simply aren't good for us no matter how much we love them.

 

It sound to me that your heart is doubting your head in this case. Does your head think you should be in love with her, but your heart is in doubt? I personally wouldn't go forward in a relationship like that ever again... the hurt caused by a relationship where one partner is in love and the other partner really isn't is awful.

 

This is one of the best ways I've ever read to describe that.

 

I think people get into relationships for different reasons, though, and we all want different things out of them. For me, while I appreciate stability, it's the spark that's most important, because stability I can provide for myself: isn't that what going to college and landing a high-paying job and learning to stand on your own two feet in all situations is all about? It's nice to have someone who's great relationship material - supportive, there for you, compatible with you, trustworthy, etc. - but if you're not nauseous with stomach butterflies all the reciprocation IMO just ain't worth it. Plus I like my alone time.

 

But everyone's different. Some people can sustain long happy healthy R's with very few cartwheels of the heart at all, IMO. (My parents have even recommended this.)

[LionLover]

Well I dont think there is a correct blueprint of “love”. Everyone experiences it differently. I guess it boils down to what your vision of love is/how it applies to her. It’s normal to have some doubts, but those doubts should begin to decrease versus increase and/or remain stagnant if/when you have found what you consider to be the “right person” for you.

 

A person should not have to “convince” themselves to “feel” a certain way about a person, it is something you either feel in the pit of your stomach or you don’t. I do think there are people who can grow to love someone but I also think people should know after a certain period of time whether or not they “could” grow to love that person. If after 6 months you still have doubts, then perhaps she does not fit into what your interpretation of love “is” or what you see “it” as. Especially if you are also considering the possibility that there may be someone else out there for you who is a better fit for you.

[konfuzd]

I told my bf I loved him after 11 months. I had been thinking about it for a couple months before, but I wasn't entirely sure. The day I told him and knew for sure was when I had gone with him to help move his sister out of her apartment. I didn't know she had a cat, and I am horribly allergic. By the time we finished the move, my eyes were all bloodshot, my nose running like a tap. I looked and felt like crap. He kept assuring me that I looked beautiful.

 

I was feeling so bad, I had to cancel our plans for that evening, and instead we stayed in and rented a movie. I ended up falling asleep and when I woke up, he looked at me and said, "you're so cute when you snore". Right then I knew this was a man who was going to accept me for the good and the bad.

 

He told his friends immediately after our first date that he met the woman he was going to marry. Everyone works on their own timeline.

 

If you really do have doubts, you should discuss them with her, because if you two aren't going to go the distance together, you should give time and space for both of you to explore other options.

[Mako482]

"The one" exists people, it is the last person you end up in a relationship with before you croak lol. That is all it is.

 

Think about this, how old are you? I'm 37 years old and have been divorced and am currently single. This means I have not had one, not one successful relationship or I would be with her now. Every relationship I have had ended, can't call that success right? Pretty depressing huh? So no I haven't found "the one" either. But I imagine it will just be the last person I'm with when I kick the bucket.

[LionLover]

But this statement does not make sense:

 

It sound to me that your heart is doubting your head in this case.

 

A heart cannot doubt anything, let alone your head.

 

Logic (your mind) causes “doubts”, "hesitation" and/or “questions”, not the other way around.

[djhall]

A heart cannot doubt anything, let alone your head.

 

Logic (your mind) causes “doubts”, "hesitation" and/or “questions”, not the other way around.

 

By "heart" I am referfing to the center of intuition, feeling, and emotion as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect, thought, and logic. When I say his heart doubts his head, I mean that intellectually and logically he believes, or wants to believe, that what he feels is love, or should be love, but when he stops trying to think about it and just lets himself feel what he feels without intellectual interference, his intuition and emotions aren't saying the same thing.

[LionLover]

I understand what you meant, I was just thrown off by that statement in conjunction with the OP’s following response of “my heart is doubting my head” (which I forgot to include in my previous post). Anywho, my experience in that for some people, it is something you just feel in the pit of your soul. There is no logic to it at all and it cannot be explained through rationale.

[djhall]

Your thread has really brought up a lot of memories and emotions for me today, so I thought I would take a couple minutes and share a little of them.

 

I don't know that anyone can say for certain what love is for everyone, as we are all different and only get to experience what it is like to be ourselves. Even if someone could tell you exactly what love is, I think it is one of those things that really has to be experienced personally before you can truly understand it.

 

As far as my own experience, I will always remember the exact moment I absolutely knew I was in love. I was driving down the street on a clear summer day. Sara was sitting in my passeger seat, her hair was shining in the sun, and we were singing along to a Collective Soul CD. I was stealing glances at her when she wasn't looking, but this time she happened to catch me looking and gave me one of those smiles that always made me wonder if my heart would ever start beating again. At that exact moment, everything I had been thinking, everything I had been feeling, everything I had been questioning and wondering about for weeks just slammed into place with complete clarity.

 

Some people say that love is more about the other person than is about you, and I understant that more now. With Sara I knew that her happiness, her well being, was as important to me, if not more important to me, than my own. Or perhaps another way to put it is that my happiness was just my happiness, but her happiness was OUR happiness, because knowing she was happy made me happy too.

 

I realized I had been lacking something in my life. I had a hole in myself that I didn't even know was there until that moment. Ultimately, everything I did, every accomplishment, every achievement, every happiness and pleasure, past and future, was ultimately less than fully satisfying, a empty shell of happiness rather than the true substance of it, if it served nothing more meaningful than my own personal pleasure. As John Stuart Mill put it, "Those only are happy. . .who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others. . . followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end." Some people find greater meaning in religion. I found it in love. My life lived only for myself could ultimately never be as fulfilling, as satisfying, as rewarding, or as worthwhile as my life lived for us. With her, my life had meaning and purpose. I had something I knew in my heart I was meant to do and I had a place in the world where I knew I belonged. (Wow... it turns out I can't write this without crying.)

 

I said the head has to rule the heart because some people aren't good for us no matter how much we love them. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way. The story of what happened between us is longer than I suspect anyone here wants to read, so I'll simply say that the other lesson I learned is that you can't save someone who isn't ready to be saved. I almost killed myself both physically and emotionally before I really understood that lesson. Ironically, I think in the end she was ready to give me a chance at everyting I wanted, but by the time came I had so thoroughly destroyed myself trying to save her that I could no longer save myself.

 

I haven't had any contact with her in over 10 years now, and I have nothing to carry with me of her other than my memories and two blurry photographs, but I still think about her often. Mostly it is to smile at her memory, wonder what her life has been like, and to offer what a religious person would describe as a silent prayer that she is still out there somewhere and has found peace, happiness, and love in her life.

 

I guess this puts me in the same camp as those who say, "If it is love, you'll know. I'm sure you'll still have doubts, but your heart will know.

 

That said, I really have to stress that this is only MY experience, and it didn't turn out too well. I know a few people who have what they describe as wonderful, happy, and fulfilling long-term relationships with people who they love, but in a manner they describe as less emotional and more intellectual (good wife, good mother, takes care of our home, always supportive, etc). They have relationships that seem to work, so I'm certainly not going to knock it. For myself, I suspect I would always feel a relationship like that was just a little less than what could be. Worse, I could never be certain that I would never find another person who I felt that strongly for. While I wouldn't want to leave a perfectly good LTR for someone my heart felt more strongly about, I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship while knowing I felt more strongly in my heart for someone other than my partner. It may be a long and ultimately lonely road, but we never know what life has waiting for us around the corner.

[mousse]

I know it's love when I can't stop thinking about the person.

[LionLover]

Your thread has really brought up a lot of memories and emotions for me today, so I thought I would take a couple minutes and share a little of them.

 

I don't know that anyone can say for certain what love is for everyone, as we are all different and only get to experience what it is like to be ourselves. Even if someone could tell you exactly what love is, I think it is one of those things that really has to be experienced personally before you can truly understand it.

 

As far as my own experience, I will always remember the exact moment I absolutely knew I was in love. I was driving down the street on a clear summer day. Sara was sitting in my passeger seat, her hair was shining in the sun, and we were singing along to a Collective Soul CD. I was stealing glances at her when she wasn't looking, but this time she happened to catch me looking and gave me one of those smiles that always made me wonder if my heart would ever start beating again. At that exact moment, everything I had been thinking, everything I had been feeling, everything I had been questioning and wondering about for weeks just slammed into place with complete clarity.

 

Some people say that love is more about the other person than is about you, and I understant that more now. With Sara I knew that her happiness, her well being, was as important to me, if not more important to me, than my own. Or perhaps another way to put it is that my happiness was just my happiness, but her happiness was OUR happiness, because knowing she was happy made me happy too.

 

I realized I had been lacking something in my life. I had a hole in myself that I didn't even know was there until that moment. Ultimately, everything I did, every accomplishment, every achievement, every happiness and pleasure, past and future, was ultimately less than fully satisfying, a empty shell of happiness rather than the true substance of it, if it served nothing more meaningful than my own personal pleasure. As John Stuart Mill put it, "Those only are happy. . .who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others. . . followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end." Some people find greater meaning in religion. I found it in love. My life lived only for myself could ultimately never be as fulfilling, as satisfying, as rewarding, or as worthwhile as my life lived for us. With her, my life had meaning and purpose. I had something I knew in my heart I was meant to do and I had a place in the world where I knew I belonged. (Wow... it turns out I can't write this without crying.)

 

I said the head has to rule the heart because some people aren't good for us no matter how much we love them. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way. The story of what happened between us is longer than I suspect anyone here wants to read, so I'll simply say that the other lesson I learned is that you can't save someone who isn't ready to be saved. I almost killed myself both physically and emotionally before I really understood that lesson. Ironically, I think in the end she was ready to give me a chance at everyting I wanted, but by the time came I had so thoroughly destroyed myself trying to save her that I could no longer save myself.

 

I haven't had any contact with her in over 10 years now, and I have nothing to carry with me of her other than my memories and two blurry photographs, but I still think about her often. Mostly it is to smile at her memory, wonder what her life has been like, and to offer what a religious person would describe as a silent prayer that she is still out there somewhere and has found peace, happiness, and love in her life.

 

I guess this puts me in the same camp as those who say, "If it is love, you'll know. I'm sure you'll still have doubts, but your heart will know.

 

That said, I really have to stress that this is only MY experience, and it didn't turn out too well. I know a few people who have what they describe as wonderful, happy, and fulfilling long-term relationships with people who they love, but in a manner they describe as less emotional and more intellectual (good wife, good mother, takes care of our home, always supportive, etc). They have relationships that seem to work, so I'm certainly not going to knock it. For myself, I suspect I would always feel a relationship like that was just a little less than what could be. Worse, I could never be certain that I would never find another person who I felt that strongly for. While I wouldn't want to leave a perfectly good LTR for someone my heart felt more strongly about, I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship while knowing I felt more strongly in my heart for someone other than my partner. It may be a long and ultimately lonely road, but we never know what life has waiting for us around the corner.

 

Beautiful.

 

From what you described in your situation, there seemed to be no "rhyme or reason" except that when you looked at her, you viewed her from the inside-out. You saw her internally, not externally. And you made your "choice", because of it. And I do believe that part of it occurs when you meet that certain "someone" & the other part of it is based on a choice.

 

And your choice is unique, because is was made without reservation. It was based on pureness & goodness, whether or not it you knew it would or could be reciprocated. That is what withstands throughout & above all everything else. You care about her, genuinely & with every single part of you and you still find great comfort in her memory. And what you've described can go on to be discussed in so many different ways. Because, it is endless. It is very rare experience & not many people can/will fully understand it unless they've experienced it themselves.

[audrey_1]

Your thread has really brought up a lot of memories and emotions for me today, so I thought I would take a couple minutes and share a little of them.

 

I don't know that anyone can say for certain what love is for everyone, as we are all different and only get to experience what it is like to be ourselves. Even if someone could tell you exactly what love is, I think it is one of those things that really has to be experienced personally before you can truly understand it.

 

As far as my own experience, I will always remember the exact moment I absolutely knew I was in love. I was driving down the street on a clear summer day. Sara was sitting in my passeger seat, her hair was shining in the sun, and we were singing along to a Collective Soul CD. I was stealing glances at her when she wasn't looking, but this time she happened to catch me looking and gave me one of those smiles that always made me wonder if my heart would ever start beating again. At that exact moment, everything I had been thinking, everything I had been feeling, everything I had been questioning and wondering about for weeks just slammed into place with complete clarity.

 

Some people say that love is more about the other person than is about you, and I understant that more now. With Sara I knew that her happiness, her well being, was as important to me, if not more important to me, than my own. Or perhaps another way to put it is that my happiness was just my happiness, but her happiness was OUR happiness, because knowing she was happy made me happy too.

 

I realized I had been lacking something in my life. I had a hole in myself that I didn't even know was there until that moment. Ultimately, everything I did, every accomplishment, every achievement, every happiness and pleasure, past and future, was ultimately less than fully satisfying, a empty shell of happiness rather than the true substance of it, if it served nothing more meaningful than my own personal pleasure. As John Stuart Mill put it, "Those only are happy. . .who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others. . . followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end." Some people find greater meaning in religion. I found it in love. My life lived only for myself could ultimately never be as fulfilling, as satisfying, as rewarding, or as worthwhile as my life lived for us. With her, my life had meaning and purpose. I had something I knew in my heart I was meant to do and I had a place in the world where I knew I belonged. (Wow... it turns out I can't write this without crying.)

 

I said the head has to rule the heart because some people aren't good for us no matter how much we love them. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way. The story of what happened between us is longer than I suspect anyone here wants to read, so I'll simply say that the other lesson I learned is that you can't save someone who isn't ready to be saved. I almost killed myself both physically and emotionally before I really understood that lesson. Ironically, I think in the end she was ready to give me a chance at everyting I wanted, but by the time came I had so thoroughly destroyed myself trying to save her that I could no longer save myself.

 

I haven't had any contact with her in over 10 years now, and I have nothing to carry with me of her other than my memories and two blurry photographs, but I still think about her often. Mostly it is to smile at her memory, wonder what her life has been like, and to offer what a religious person would describe as a silent prayer that she is still out there somewhere and has found peace, happiness, and love in her life.

 

I guess this puts me in the same camp as those who say, "If it is love, you'll know. I'm sure you'll still have doubts, but your heart will know.

 

That said, I really have to stress that this is only MY experience, and it didn't turn out too well. I know a few people who have what they describe as wonderful, happy, and fulfilling long-term relationships with people who they love, but in a manner they describe as less emotional and more intellectual (good wife, good mother, takes care of our home, always supportive, etc). They have relationships that seem to work, so I'm certainly not going to knock it. For myself, I suspect I would always feel a relationship like that was just a little less than what could be. Worse, I could never be certain that I would never find another person who I felt that strongly for. While I wouldn't want to leave a perfectly good LTR for someone my heart felt more strongly about, I also wouldn't want to be in a relationship while knowing I felt more strongly in my heart for someone other than my partner. It may be a long and ultimately lonely road, but we never know what life has waiting for us around the corner.

 

Wow. Did you ever tell her how you felt? That's the hardest part about relationships. No matter what goes on in heart or mind, how is it meaningful unless the other person knows?

[LionLover]

Wow. Did you ever tell her how you felt? That's the hardest part about relationships. No matter what goes on in heart or mind, how is it meaningful unless the other person knows?

 

I think it was neither here nor there in his particular situation, given this:

 

I said the head has to rule the heart because some people aren't good for us no matter how much we love them. Unfortunately, I learned that lesson the hard way. The story of what happened between us is longer than I suspect anyone here wants to read, so I'll simply say that the other lesson I learned is that you can't save someone who isn't ready to be saved. I almost killed myself both physically and emotionally before I really understood that lesson. Ironically, I think in the end she was ready to give me a chance at everyting I wanted, but by the time came I had so thoroughly destroyed myself trying to save her that I could no longer save myself.

[CommitmentPhobe]

no-one can give you an answer to this

 

you have to decide for yourself, sometimes you can realise in an evening, sometimes a few months, sometimes when you breakup

 

sometimes not at all

[audrey_1]

I think it was neither here nor there in his particular situation, given this:

 

Good point. That's such a hard thing, and makes this debate on mind vs. heart all the more real. Which wins out is anyone's guess, but having them in sync would make things so much more bearable.

[cp3]

I appreciated your story djhall... It was touching.

 

But after reading over everyone's posts again, and thinking about it for awhile, I think there is a much needed balance between what you feel in your heart, and what your head tells you. Because I think too many people have fell in love with someone that just wasnt right for them, and they became miserable. So what good did that do them? I think you need to have both feelings... Both that love from the heart, but also you have to know mentally that they're right for you. Which I think can be a tough challenge if you get too emotionally involved early.

 

Anyway, I was with my gf last night, and after thinking about what everyone said... I decided I was going to stop thinking and analyzing everything so much and just enjoy my time with her and see how I feel, instead of what I think. And it went really well... When I left, I couldnt stop thinking about her. I realize that I have been over-thinking things way too much, and I havent given my heart a chance to fall for her. So my new gameplan is to STOP OVERTHINKING - START FEELING.

 

And thanks again guys.. I appreciate all your help.

[CommitmentPhobe]

STOP OVERTHINKING - START FEELING.

 

Hey that's a great plan. If you can develop and rely on your intuition and feeling functions more then you'll find it's easier to trust your own judgement about people and situations

[djhall]

Wow. Did you ever tell her how you felt?

 

Oh yes, I told her. I suppose I should have clarified that. We were close friends in a way that is hard to describe... undeniably romantically charged and way beyond any normal limits of platonic friends... "we can't actaully have sex" was pretty much the unspoken line, though even that got crossed on a couple occasions.

 

She was in a relationship with someone I knew was an ass, but she made excuses for him because of a few unjustified self-esteem issues. I was more than willing to wait it out, even if it took years. I knew he wasn't right for her and she would figure it out eventually. Unfortunately he took up a serious meth additction, the reationship became extremely abusive, he played mind games with her self-esteeem issues to tear her down completely and keep her coming back, and for a long time she was not ready to save herself yet. Looking back, I am sure I unintentionally made it easier for her to stay in that relationship longer by giving her unconditional support, a safety zone to retreat to when she couldn't take anymore, and an escape mechanism for when things got too bad and she needed to be pulled out. And she called to be pulled out of insanely bad situations more often than I care to admit. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, I was in a place in my life where I was in a position to do it, and when I came for her I was not going to be stopped. I even knocked over a few drug dealers' houses when he tried giving her to them as collateral when he couldn't pay for his drugs for a few days. After a while, people knew about her "protector" and it became a pretty routine thing... when the guy who looks like the SWAT team shows up, just give him Sara and he'll go away. I'd take her home, give her a bath, brush her hair, hold her while she cried, cuddle her in bed until she slept, and guard her 24/7 to give her the comfort of safety and security until she was ready to go out on her own again. This went on for years.

 

Ultimately I did the same thing to myself that she did to herself. I set no limits to protect myself and I let the emotional toll tear me down psychologically and push me toward depression. With the time and energy I was investing into trying to save her, and the psychological toll it was taking on me, I began a downward spiral and was fired from my main job, I dropped out of school, I couldn't keep my apartment, I lost the engine in my car and couldn't afford to replace it, and I ended up letting her go and just trying to keep myself from being completely homeless and jobless. After I quit trying to "save her", she got herself out of the relationship on her own, and after several months outside the relationship she came looking for me. What she found was a depressed person sharing a one room studio in the ghetto with a roommate, no phone, no transportation, a dead end job, no future, and no confidence or self-esteem left to pull myself back up or to be a true partner in a relationship. I think she came looking for me because she was finally ready to give the love I had offered her a chance, but I had destroyed myself too thouroghly at that point to make it possible.

[LionLover]

Damn! Yeah, def should have excerised boundaries & resistance with that relationship. But I give you a lot of credit. That's something I personally could not go into, knowing that was what I'd be going into. I guess since you two were already friends that made it easier to transition into romantic, but ooof ouch!

[gummybear]

Yes, my heart is absolutely involved. Just not all the time... There are times when Im with her that I dont even have to think about our relationship, I just react, and that I know is my heart being completely involved.. But there are also times when I seem to have to re-convince myself that I really like her. There have even been times that I have gone over everything about her that I like, and it kinda re-confirms what I thought I felt.

 

I guess my basic confusion comes from me having doubts at all. I always figured that when I would fall in love it that I would have no doubts.. That I would just know with certainty that they were the perfect person for me. The fact that Im on here posting about this at all leads me to being confused. I figured when people were with the person they wanted to marry, they knew it from the start... Im 6 months into my relationship and I still have no idea. I dont know if thats because she's not the right person, or because Im afraid of commitment and being with the same woman forever, or if I just need to give it more time.

 

It's interesting you said this is your longest relationship and it's only 6 months long. How many other relationships did you have and how long were they? I find that you have alot of similarties to me. I've had 3 relationships -- my first one lasted 6 months and it was the one where I didnt' realize he was the one until it was too late, while the other 2 were only 2 months each and I felt little when it ended. But I think they all ended because I often doubted if they were the one. Obviously I haven't overcame this yet. My therapist did tell you to 'stop taking relationships so seriously' lol and I think he's right...often in life you just got to go with the flow and not leave until you really really just don't want to be with the person anymore. I think uncertainty 6 months into the relationship is very very normal because it's like the turning points in many relationships are 3 months, 6 months and 12 months, etc. My advice to you (which I wish I'd taken myself) is to stop thinking and start enjoying the relatinship for what it is.

[pandagirl]

I appreciated your story djhall... It was touching.

 

But after reading over everyone's posts again, and thinking about it for awhile, I think there is a much needed balance between what you feel in your heart, and what your head tells you. Because I think too many people have fell in love with someone that just wasnt right for them, and they became miserable. So what good did that do them? I think you need to have both feelings... Both that love from the heart, but also you have to know mentally that they're right for you. Which I think can be a tough challenge if you get too emotionally involved early.

 

Anyway, I was with my gf last night, and after thinking about what everyone said... I decided I was going to stop thinking and analyzing everything so much and just enjoy my time with her and see how I feel, instead of what I think. And it went really well... When I left, I couldnt stop thinking about her. I realize that I have been over-thinking things way too much, and I havent given my heart a chance to fall for her. So my new gameplan is to STOP OVERTHINKING - START FEELING.

 

And thanks again guys.. I appreciate all your help.

 

Yay! Sounds like you are on the right track.

[audrey_1]

 

But after reading over everyone's posts again, and thinking about it for awhile, I think there is a much needed balance between what you feel in your heart, and what your head tells you. Because I think too many people have fell in love with someone that just wasnt right for them, and they became miserable. So what good did that do them? I think you need to have both feelings... Both that love from the heart, but also you have to know mentally that they're right for you. Which I think can be a tough challenge if you get too emotionally involved early.

 

Anyway, I was with my gf last night, and after thinking about what everyone said... I decided I was going to stop thinking and analyzing everything so much and just enjoy my time with her and see how I feel, instead of what I think. And it went really well... When I left, I couldnt stop thinking about her. I realize that I have been over-thinking things way too much, and I havent given my heart a chance to fall for her. So my new gameplan is to STOP OVERTHINKING - START FEELING.

 

And thanks again guys.. I appreciate all your help.

 

Yay! Sounds like you are on the right track.

 

I agree. I wish the guy I'm currently dating would come to this realization.

[mohaakilla51]

Personally, I believe it's love when you can look at her and truly believe that she is worth more to you than you are yourself. That she could break your heart into a million pieces, and you would still want her to be happy. you would still do ANYTHING to make her happy. Love is unconditional. Love is the only true feeling.