corizon Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler?
soda Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler? Yes. To be honest, I would never speak to my mom again if she burdened me with her betrayal of someone who dedicated his life to the armed forces. If you're going to pick a role model, pick your DAD. I've been there. His cheating was many years ago, I never forgave him, and I won't ever speak to him again.
lkjh Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Man she cheated on your dad with your best friend!!! That doesn't sound like much of a mother. First off don't let that punk anywhere near your family and maybe its time you let your mother know how much she is hurting your family. It's not right for her to do this to your dad
Bryanp Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Yes you are enabling your mother to continue to cheat, disrespect and humiliate your father. You need to tell him. When it comes out later about her cheating and your dad finds out that you knew all; he will be devastated that you did not have enough respect for him to tell him and allowed your mother to continue cheating on him. You need to tell him. The fact that she would cheat with your best friend also tells you how little respect she has for you. I wish you luck.
2sure Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Whoa! Enabler implies that you are somewhat at Fault. Regardless of your age, you are the child in this scenerio. You Mom is the Adult - the decison maker. This is in NO WAY your fault. You have been put in a terrible position. You are not hurting your Dad - this is not your responsibility and there is no right way to fix this. It sounds like your Mom is "hanging" out with you and your friends. While a close & fairly open relationship with our children and their peers is important in good parenting - "hanging" out with your kid and their friends is not good. There must be a line between child and parent when it comes to that. I wonder if your Mom also smokes pot or drinks with you? Just curious. This is NOT your Fault - but you need to draw the line that she will not. Your family is in crisis and you cant fix it but you can protect yourself. Tell her you don't like this, it isnt right. Distance yourself from this, even if it only means not "hanging out" with her with friends. Tell your friend you will not tolerate this and that you will tell your Dad if you feel you need to. Tell her the same thing. See what happens, and if your Mom doesnt solve this problem - you may at some point have to ask your Dad to solve it (AFTER he gets home). Honey, dont help your Mom screw you up. Love what is good about your Mom and reject what is not. Don't take it all on.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler? What do you mean it would destroy him? Doesn't he deserve to know whats going on? How can you hide that from him and look him in the eye?
bish Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler? Yes. What a helluva gal. Not only does she cheat on your dad, but does it while he is off doing his duty and putting his life in danger. Thats some mother you got there. No offense, as if cheating isn't bad enough, people who cheat on their spouses when they are off risking their lives need to be waterboarded.
Darth Vader Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler? Lady, I would tell your dad about your mom screwing around on your dad, after all, you dad deserves to find someone who will love him and be faithful to him. This is not your fault, it's your MOM's fault! If it were me, I'd present it up to both of them together at the same time, just beware though, as cheaters will almost always try to blameshift the affair, either onto your DAD, or even onto you! She'll probably just say "why don't you mind your own business"!? Well, Lady, it IS your business! Your MOM is hurting your DAD and YOU! Yes, your mom is cheating on you too! This is also not good for your heart, I got that from your other post. Anyway, how do you know so much about your mom's affair/s, did you see or hear anything odd?
theobserver Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 There comes a time when we all realise are parents are not saints or the angels we would wish them to me. Especially as you become an adult you realised they are as flawed as everyone else but they should always try their best to be respectable humans. I don't know much about your father but it is comendable he is serving his country (although for all we knew he could be abusive etc etc at home) this is however no excuse for your mother to sleep around disrespecting her husband who she can choose to leave at any time and worse of all disrespecting you. Sleeping with your friend is just about as low as you can get and Im sure her response to you as with most parents who somehow sleep with a childs friend is; "we're both consenting adults we can do what we want it's none of your business" Well you can tell your mother this one, she still has a promise to your father (unless they allow this and you're not aware) and she's broken it, worse off regardless IF your dad and her allow sleeping around she's abused your trust and potentially ruined your friendship but then again what kind of friend does this? merely ego points and bragging rights of which you are the laughing stock. I Would say tell your father save him the heartache, you can debate deep down if you want to tell him while he's away or when he returns(IF he does ) Personally I would tell him while he's away. I'll tell you why, so he can stop money being sent to your mum god knows what she's spending it on, probably her new men perhaps it can even be sent to you. Not to mention I don't think he'd want any support to go to your mother now if anything should happen to him rather it goes to his children because right now it's obvious she does not have your best interests at heart.
nicki Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 How about telling her that she must tell your father or you will? Tell her she has two days to do it. If she doesn't, then you tell him. He does have the right to know. And your friend is no friend to you. Your mom was wrong to cheat with him, but he was wrong to take her up on it. A true friend never would have done that to you. Don't keep this secret. Consider it doing your mother and father a favor. Your mom needs to stop this behavior and deal with the consequences, or she will get worse. Your dad has the right to information to make choices about his life. It's his choice if he wants to stay or go once he knows. Right now, your mother has taken away his choice. Big hug to you. What do you want to do?
Trimmer Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler? How old are you?
whichwayisup Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 including wiht my best friend Your mom slept with your bestfriend???? You tell your mom she has to come clean to your father and either divorce him or stop cheating.
Trimmer Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 How old are you? I found in another thread she's 31... Characterizing you as an "enabler" would imply that you have a reasonable responsibility to take action that you are avoiding, thus enabling the behavior to continue. Does an adult child have a responsibility to bring a parent's infidelity to the attention of the other parent? What is your relationship like with your dad, and do you feel that responsibility to him? Irrespective of that, your mom seems like quite a piece of work...
Lizzie60 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 My dad is a soldier and was off to war , my mom cheated on him many times , including wiht my best friend , if itold my dad it woudl destroy him , so i wont , does this make me my moms enabler? No.. I wouldn't say anything.. I don't think that it's your 'duty' to tell your dad.. it's not your business... If I were you, I would have a serious talk with her.. not him.. What she does is none of your business.. simple as that. Are you dependant of your parents?
Trimmer Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 If I were you, I would have a serious talk with her.. not him.. What she does is none of your business.. simple as that. Then if it's as simple as that, why have a serious talk?
Lizzie60 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Then if it's as simple as that, why have a serious talk? Because from what I read, she isn't quite sure what to do.. she feels guilty.. then to release the 'pressure' she could talk to her mom.. but to cause any problem in the family is NOT her 'duty' nor her business..
Trialbyfire Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Because from what I read, she isn't quite sure what to do.. she feels guilty.. then to release the 'pressure' she could talk to her mom.. but to cause any problem in the family is NOT her 'duty' nor her business.. I beg to differ. Her mother and her best friend have caused the problem in the family, not her. In discussing this issue with her father, he gets to make an informed decision about what to do with a cheating spouse. This puts both mother and father on even ground.
Trialbyfire Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I'm going to throw another example of something similar your way Lizzie. Let's pretend that her father sexually abused a friend of hers. Would she be causing trouble in the family by telling her mother or should she be having a serious talk with her father, hiding this from her mother?
Darth Vader Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 No.. I wouldn't say anything.. I don't think that it's your 'duty' to tell your dad.. it's not your business... If I were you, I would have a serious talk with her.. not him.. What she does is none of your business.. simple as that. Are you dependant of your parents? Shut up Lizzy! It IS her business!
Lizzie60 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Shut up Lizzy! It IS her business! Shut up yourself... No it's not the children's business what the parents do behind closed doors.. sorry..
Lizzie60 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 I'm going to throw another example of something similar your way Lizzie. Let's pretend that her father sexually abused a friend of hers. Would she be causing trouble in the family by telling her mother or should she be having a serious talk with her father, hiding this from her mother? Whooaaa we're not talking about sexual abuse here.. that I know... He's not a criminal.. geezzz.. get down your high horses for a second.. we don't even know this friend's age.. or even the OP's age.. I presume she is a young adult.. that has no business in her parents' personal life.. and I presume the 'best friend' is also a young adult therefore there is no sexual abuse..
Trialbyfire Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 Whooaaa we're not talking about sexual abuse here.. that I know... He's not a criminal.. geezzz.. get down your high horses for a second.. we don't even know this friend's age.. or even the OP's age.. I presume she is a young adult.. that has no business in her parents' personal life.. and I presume the 'best friend' is also a young adult therefore there is no sexual abuse.. When one parent cheats, they cheat on the family unit. If you haven't figured that out, you never will.
redfathom Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 It's not really behind closed doors it it. Not only is the mom having affairs in the open but she made it more personal by doing it with their BF. That's not cool. If their mom didn't want it to be public she should have kept it private, but she didn't.
Lizzie60 Posted September 5, 2008 Posted September 5, 2008 It's not really behind closed doors it it. Not only is the mom having affairs in the open but she made it more personal by doing it with their BF. That's not cool. If their mom didn't want it to be public she should have kept it private, but she didn't. I'm not saying it's cool... I'm just saying that it's not any adult child's business what their parents are doing.. simple.. The OP is an adult, from what I can understand.. I don't know if she's still living at home or not.. maybe if she doesn't like what her mother does in her free time.. it's time for her to move out..
Trialbyfire Posted September 6, 2008 Posted September 6, 2008 If I ever caught either one of my parents cheating, I wouldn't even hesitate for one split second, to tell the other about it. Both parents deserve the respect they earn.
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