norajane Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I'm going to be paying for my soon to be ex-husbands online porn subscriptions, I'm going to be funding his expenses for condoms and lube,his dinner dates with the young,nubile women he's already out banging. Cutting out all frills in my lifestyle will ensure I can write that alimony check every month!' You know what they say, divorce is so expensive, but it's worth it. It's worth it to be free and have the opportunity to start fresh.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Didn't you say that he didn't work a real job because he had medical conditions? Now how attractive can this be to the young ladies? ANd it's not like he's rich, right? If there is anything legally you can do, I would do this, as Woggle has suggested. He's been out on the town literally since the day he was served with the papers, he's got listings all over the place online, one woman's even picked him up from here a couple of times.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 You know what they say, divorce is so expensive, but it's worth it. It's worth it to be free and have the opportunity to start fresh. Yeah, right. I'm going to do what I have to do to meet my obligations and stay afloat.I'm not interested in "starting fresh" I basically want to be left to live out my days quietly alone.
child_of_isis Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Most likely my ex is dating also...and you know something, I don't even care. I wouldn't trade places with any of them. I spend nice quiet weekends alone. And I love it. Never have I been so fulfilled. I know this sounds cliche...but what you are needing, is within yourself. You are about to meet the most amazing woman ever...yourself. It's a rocky road & you will be bitter & angry for a while. But it is sooooo worth it. One day, you'll be sitting where I am sitting. And you will look back. You will realize that half of your fortune was a very small price to pay. And I do believe that you will get there because you have already made a big leap in deciding that you are no longer in the game. I think that makes all the difference. You'll find yourself living for you. Dressing for you. Cooking & eating for you. Taking luxurious long bubble baths...for you & you alone. This is where you get to the point of thinking ...NEVER HAVE I FELT SO LOVED. . He's already out there dating up a storm.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Most likely my ex is dating also...and you know something, I don't even care. I wouldn't trade places with any of them. I spend nice quiet weekends alone. And I love it. Never have I been so fulfilled. I know this sounds cliche...but what you are needing, is within yourself. You are about to meet the most amazing woman ever...yourself. It's a rocky road & you will be bitter & angry for a while. But it is sooooo worth it. One day, you'll be sitting where I am sitting. And you will look back. You will realize that half of your fortune was a very small price to pay. And I do believe that you will get there because you have already made a big leap in deciding that you are no longer in the game. I think that makes all the difference. You'll find yourself living for you. Dressing for you. Cooking & eating for you. Taking luxurious long bubble baths...for you & you alone. This is where you get to the point of thinking ...NEVER HAVE I FELT SO LOVED. I actually tend in normal times to be a cheerful person. I think things will get much better once he's finally out of the house.Having him here is really grating on my nerves. I took a look at the online dating sites, what I saw there depressed me. I'd rather be on my own than groveling and competing for scraps of attention all the while having to atone for not being 30. I've always been rather self-contained and know very clearly that choosing to be alone is very different from being lonely.I also know there isn't a more desolate,lonely feeling in this world than going thru the motions of living with just anybody in order to say you've got a man. That life isn't for me at all:)
norajane Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I actually tend in normal times to be a cheerful person. I think things will get much better once he's finally out of the house.Having him here is really grating on my nerves. Can you get out of there for a few days? Stay with a friend or family?
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Can you get out of there for a few days? Stay with a friend or family? My lawyer's advised me to sit tight here till he's gone and the locks are changed. He's brazen enough at this point that I wouldn't put it past him to bring strangers here if I wasn't around.
child_of_isis Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 You are going to be just fine. What I see out there is desperation...people get out of a relationship & then spend 99.9% of their time trying to get back into another one. They think if they only change partners, then things will be hunky dory. But, the truth is, they can change partners every year & the same issues will resurface. Because they are taking themselves with them. It's sad to watch. No way will I ever get into that mess again. I'd rather be on my own than groveling and competing for scraps of attention all the while having to atone for not being 30. I've always been rather self-contained and know very clearly that choosing to be alone is very different from being lonely.I also know there isn't a more desolate,lonely feeling in this world than going thru the motions of living with just anybody in order to say you've got a man. That life isn't for me at all:)
Walk Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I think you're smart for tossing all that old garbage. You don't need it. All that crap was to cover insecurities, and now that you're free (except financially) you can finally focus on the real things in life... like doing something you're good at and doing it damn well! I've read some of your other posts on here, and you strike me as a really strong woman who's been put through a living hell. I'm confident you'll find your feet quickly and it won't take you long to re-establish a happy life for yourself (sans man). I have a friend who's H nearly killed, literally. He slipped her hormone replacements to turn her into a man. He cut brake lines on her car. He was severely mentally ill. While she was with him, she was a wreck. There was no trace of who she was as a person. The transformation after her divorce was amazing. She stopped living her life for other people (except her kids) and took back control of her future. She's now a strong, vibrant woman who loves her life again. I see the aspects that made my friend stong enough to make it to a better place in you. Side note: I don't understand why you would have to pay alimony to a man (or woman for that matter) who broke their marriage vows. When I left my exH I paid half the mortgage ($600/mnth) and his insurance ($200/mnth). I stipulated in the divorce that he wouldnt' get a dime from me after the divorce. Even though he got the house ($250,000) and all the cars, and well.. everything we owned that was of value. But at least I never had to pay him another dime past the day of the divorce.
Ariadne Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I am going to dress and to act my age and maybe find freedom Yey! Sounds wonderful!!! Free to be natural! I love it.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Side note: I don't understand why you would have to pay alimony to a man (or woman for that matter) who broke their marriage vows. When I left my exH I paid half the mortgage ($600/mnth) and his insurance ($200/mnth). I stipulated in the divorce that he wouldnt' get a dime from me after the divorce. Even though he got the house ($250,000) and all the cars, and well.. everything we owned that was of value. But at least I never had to pay him another dime past the day of the divorce. For starters my STBX did nothing wrong from a legal standpoint.. he never laid a hand on me, he didn't drink to excess, he didn't drug, no gambling addictions, no affairs or actual stepping out till he'd been formally served. This is a no fault state. He is over age 55 the age at which social security disability says a worker is too old to be forced into retraining (the standard used here to decide on the duration of an alimony award) My husband simply decided that we had reached the age that a sexual relationship was ackward, undignified and unseemly, a POV believe it or not shared by more than a few people. My husband did not want out of the marriage.. I did and no judge is going to allow me to dump an older,penniless man onto the streets to possible end up the responsibility of the state, to quote my lawyer ït won't be happening" My lawyer advised me to stay married and to just step out discretely when the need arose.
OpenBook Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I think you're smart for tossing all that old garbage. I agree. Especially throwing out the HRT. You definitely don't need the complications that come from THAT!! Also, it will give you a good excuse (and another chance) to "buy smart" next time, only the beauty products that actually work for you. When you get your mojo back. And it will come back. Trust me.
OpenBook Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 My lawyer advised me to stay married and to just step out discretely when the need arose. I think you need to get another lawyer.
child_of_isis Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 This is what I have noticed in my friends. After divorce, they just shine. Then as soon as their light gets so bright, they light up the whole room when they walk in.....someone nabs them. Back into the abyss they go. Sometimes reluctantly. But pressure from guys, society, family, friends, etc. eventually over rides her own personal decision of staying alone. My family was after me to meet this guy, so I did. Man...he was pretty close to perfect. I wobbled a little. While discussing it with my mother, she said..."well, you are going to have to get back in the game sooner or later!" A big light bulb went off in my head and I told her...No! No I don't! And I didn't. I knew many years before this R ended, that once over it, I would not do it again. To me, it is an absolute relief not to be 30. I think I read where the OP was sleeping on the couch. She needs to reclaim her bedroom or create a sleeping sanctuary of her own in another bedroom. New luxurious sheets are in order. The finest of white coverlets. Down pillows fit for a queen. It all begins there. The transformation after her divorce was amazing. She stopped living her life for other people (except her kids) and took back control of her future. She's now a strong, vibrant woman who loves her life again. .
child_of_isis Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Do tell. I'm all a quiver here. Also, it will give you a good excuse (and another chance) to "buy smart" next time, only the beauty products that actually work for you. When you get your mojo back. And it will come back. Trust me.
child_of_isis Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I would think it would be neglect or something. I don't know if I am buying that he did nothing wrong from a legal standpoint. What would they be telling guys if the wife was refusing sex? How does he get his money to date? For starters my STBX did nothing wrong from a legal standpoint.. he never laid a hand on me, he didn't drink to excess, he didn't drug, no gambling addictions, no affairs or actual stepping out till he'd been formally served. This is a no fault state. He is over age 55 the age at which social security disability says a worker is too old to be forced into retraining (the standard used here to decide on the duration of an alimony award) My husband simply decided that we had reached the age that a sexual relationship was ackward, undignified and unseemly, a POV believe it or not shared by more than a few people. My husband did not want out of the marriage.. I did and no judge is going to allow me to dump an older,penniless man onto the streets to possible end up the responsibility of the state, to quote my lawyer ït won't be happening" My lawyer advised me to stay married and to just step out discretely when the need arose.
almost famous Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 He's been out on the town literally since the day he was served with the papers, he's got listings all over the place online, one woman's even picked him up from here a couple of times. You should document this and revisit the lawyer. If this guy has the energy to go out every night, he has the energy to get a job and go through training.
OpenBook Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 You should document this and revisit the lawyer. If this guy has the energy to go out every night, he has the energy to get a job and go through training. That's exactly what I was thinking. He sure doesn't sound like he has a disability to me.
Author soserious1 Posted September 14, 2008 Author Posted September 14, 2008 That's exactly what I was thinking. He sure doesn't sound like he has a disability to me. He's got MRI's proving problems, that coupled with his age and the fact that I want out means the judge's final orders are going to be pretty standard,bottom line,I will not be allowed to walk away from the marriage leaving a penniless man who might become dependent on the state. His movers are slated to be here tomorow at 10am, locksmith will be here at 2pm. I can't wait,things have gotten really,really horrid around here, it'll be a relief once he's finally packed and gone.
Kamille Posted September 14, 2008 Posted September 14, 2008 His movers are slated to be here tomorow at 10am, locksmith will be here at 2pm. I can't wait,things have gotten really,really horrid around here, it'll be a relief once he's finally packed and gone. It will get better and I totally support your romance cleanse. What you need right now is to feel in control of your life and resetting your priorities through an esthetic ritual is a great way to do it. One more day and your space will be all your own to unromance in. (PS: I'm 32 and soap, shampoo and conditionner are the only daily part of my routine... I wear make up for occasions. And I can't wear heels because of a back condition... And, I don't feel like bothering with dating right now. Guess I've already reached midlife! Happy to be here.)
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