soserious1 Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 I've taken some bold steps.... first.. I have donated and thrown away my entire wardrobe,pushup bras? shapers? all those garments designed to conceal the fact that menopause has changed my body? gone, right in the trash! High heeled shoes? gone,replaced with flat shoes with roomy boxed toes,better for elderly feet. I've got a nice selection of plain slacks with elastic waists in dark colors, plain blouses, conservative blazers Manicures? forget them, my nails have been clipped quite short and coated with clear polish. Flashy jewels? placed in the safety deposit box.. nothing looks worse than a gorgous ring on gnarled,veiny liver spotted hands. Makeup? like troweling the stuff on fools anybody.. into the trash with it,along with all the fancy useless skin creams. My hair? I've an appointment for Sat.. it will be cropped into a super short cut more appropriate for a matronly woman.I've also decided to cease coloring. I am going to dress and to act my age and maybe find freedom
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 And it is done! my hair which reached to the bra strap in back is totally shorn into an ultra sensible no nonsense cut. The Goodwill truck came yesterday and picked up all the clothing and shoes that are suitable for younger women. All spandex shapers and push up bras are safely in a trash can, as is all makeup, all perfume.All artifical tricks and tools used by elderly women in a foolhardy attempt to disguise their true age have been thrown out. Oh and I've also thrown away my HRT tablets! the only beauty tools I need are simple shampoo and conditioner, unscented soap,skin lotion, deodorant, toothpaste,mouthwash and a nail buffer, clear polish. No more denying,no more pretending I'm something I'm not.
norajane Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 You sound happy, so congratulations! I don't think I could ever throw away perfume. I have some favorite scents that I wouldn't want to be without.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 You sound happy, so congratulations! I don't think I could ever throw away perfume. I have some favorite scents that I wouldn't want to be without. I look totally like a different person!! I am going to be dumping my contact lenses next week, I've got an appointment for glasses, I want the thickest,ugliest pair money can buy!
norajane Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Thick glasses are heavy. Your nose will hurt. Don't toss the lenses - maybe just put them away for a while and see if you change your mind later.
BannaBee57 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Oh and I've also thrown away my HRT tablets! You should probably fish those out of the trash. That stuff gets into the water and messes up the younger population. ps. I'm assuming this thread is tongue in cheek. If not, my apologies
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Thick glasses are heavy. Your nose will hurt. Don't toss the lenses - maybe just put them away for a while and see if you change your mind later. They are colored contacts so they've got to go, they aren't in keeping with embracing my age. btw, the HRT got tossed via an RN friend,they've got a special disposal system for certain medications at the hospital.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Have you always had this self hatred, or was it something that became a part of you through your relationships?
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Have you always had this self hatred, or was it something that became a part of you through your relationships? I'm going to be paying for my soon to be ex-husbands online porn subscriptions, I'm going to be funding his expenses for condoms and lube,his dinner dates with the young,nubile women he's already out banging. Cutting out all frills in my lifestyle will ensure I can write that alimony check every month!'
child_of_isis Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I think you will come out of this. But better. I remember telling one of my friends when the ex & I split, that I had started to feel old & ugly around him. And I did. I felt old & ugly!!! But, that went away. I too am out of the game. I have no desire for a relationship. Let the younger generation do the cooking & cleaning, ego boosting & servicing... ya know? I have watched my life and my work become important now that I have refocused. The most surprising part of all of this...is I found my femininity....my true femininity. And it shows in my work, my life & in my dress. Yes, gone are the heels, the manicures, the push ups, & yes! The diamonds too. I can so relate. But all of that has been replaced... with lovely flowered flowing skirts, my favorite antique ring... my beautifully cut white blouses that I love so well, ( I can wear these everyday if I please!!). Oh...and finding the perfect flats to match my favorite bag is the highlight of my weekend...(along with my favorite chocolate treat) Yes sweets...you are on your way to freedom. And true femininity. Trust me on this one. I wouldn't go back to 30 again for no amount of money. I know what's back there...and they can have it. I don't envy them a bit.
spookie Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I don't think you're looking for advice, and it's hard to formulate a proper response to this level of bitterness and self-hatred, but I hope you come out of this stronger. You did get fcvked in life by the douche of a husband you married. But there is a bright side, always. You're not yet dead. And crap experiences are what make us wiser. Personally if I were you I'd liquidate all my assets and flee the country. Spend the rest of my life somewhere warm, doing whatever the f I pleased.
almost famous Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I'm going to be paying for my soon to be ex-husbands online porn subscriptions, I'm going to be funding his expenses for condoms and lube,his dinner dates with the young,nubile women he's already out banging. Cutting out all frills in my lifestyle will ensure I can write that alimony check every month!' No women are going to want a man who is supported by his exwife and also he is addicted to porn, he is not an attractive prospect at all to women, particularly young ones.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 I think you will come out of this. But better. I remember telling one of my friends when the ex & I split, that I had started to feel old & ugly around him. And I did. I felt old & ugly!!! But, that went away. I too am out of the game. I have no desire for a relationship. Let the younger generation do the cooking & cleaning, ego boosting & servicing... ya know? I have watched my life and my work become important now that I have refocused. The most surprising part of all of this...is I found my femininity....my true femininity. And it shows in my work, my life & in my dress. Yes, gone are the heels, the manicures, the push ups, & yes! The diamonds too. I can so relate. But all of that has been replaced... with lovely flowered flowing skirts, my favorite antique ring... my beautifully cut white blouses that I love so well, ( I can wear these everyday if I please!!). Oh...and finding the perfect flats to match my favorite bag is the highlight of my weekend...(along with my favorite chocolate treat) Yes sweets...you are on your way to freedom. And true femininity. Trust me on this one. I wouldn't go back to 30 again for no amount of money. I know what's back there...and they can have it. I don't envy them a bit. I am quite invested in my work and get a lot of satisfaction from it. I also have a lot of different interests and passions. I love tools, fixing things and have signed up for a course in refinishing furniture, something I've wanted to do for a very long time. I'm starting to work on putting a good workshop into my basement where I can tinker away at restoring beauty and grace to neglected, forgotten,furniture... there's a poetic justice in that that is satisfying somehow.
2sunny Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 choosing to give up on romance is different than basic maintenance and upkeep for a woman. you are intermingling different philosophies here regarding age, aging, romance, enhancements, beauty styles and fashion. not to mention bare necessities. one can look and feel naturally beautiful without lots of "fluff." to keep things simple is very freeing and can be done in a very elegant and classic manner. one can use bare minimum to enhance an already beautiful feature (features) - like mascara and lipstick only for basic makeup. if your newfound cleaning out and new personal style involves defiance and revenge on your xH - then just say so... if the new style makes you feel better - then i hope it works for you. do what makes you happy - not bitter. i would look for balance.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 No women are going to want a man who is supported by his exwife and also he is addicted to porn, he is not an attractive prospect at all to women, particularly young ones. Really ? he's walking away with $$$ and an iron clad guarantee of a lifetime of more $$ flowing into his hands every month, that makes him more than attractive to a considerable number of women. He's already out there dating up a storm.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 I don't think you're looking for advice, and it's hard to formulate a proper response to this level of bitterness and self-hatred, but I hope you come out of this stronger. You did get fcvked in life by the douche of a husband you married. But there is a bright side, always. You're not yet dead. And crap experiences are what make us wiser. Personally if I were you I'd liquidate all my assets and flee the country. Spend the rest of my life somewhere warm, doing whatever the f I pleased. Fleeing the country is not an option for a person of honor and integrity. The fact that my soon to be has neither does not mean I will allow my morals to be stripped away from me. My dignity is and good name are all I have left, I won't cheapen either by pulling a scum stunt.
spookie Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Fleeing the country is not an option for a person of honor and integrity. The fact that my soon to be has neither does not mean I will allow my morals to be stripped away from me. My dignity is and good name are all I have left, I won't cheapen either by pulling a scum stunt. If that's the way you see it, that's understandable. I'd see it as getting the last laugh.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 If that's the way you see it, that's understandable. I'd see it as getting the last laugh. I have other family here, connections that are very strong, I also have obligations here. I won't hurt innocent 3rd parties in order to get the last laugh.
spookie Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 I have other family here, connections that are very strong, I also have obligations here. I won't hurt innocent 3rd parties in order to get the last laugh. Alright. Then try thinking about the past and its consequences as something that's done with, that you have no longer have any control over. Once you accept your situation for what it is, you can start looking forward to brighter times instead of beating yourself up for any mistakes you have made or thinking bitterly about your douche of a husband.
Woggle Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 You can always have your ex knocked off. Just kidding but if I were you I would get a lawyer and fight this.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Alright. Then try thinking about the past and its consequences as something that's done with, that you have no longer have any control over. Once you accept your situation for what it is, you can start looking forward to brighter times instead of beating yourself up for any mistakes you have made or thinking bitterly about your douche of a husband. What my situation means is that I am immediately cutting my net worth in half and will be making ongoing payments monthly as well as having to make sure he's got health insurance and that my life insurance is kept in order so that he will get his checks if I should die first. The past is not "done with" as I will be paying for my past mistake in cash each and every month.
spookie Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 What my situation means is that I am immediately cutting my net worth in half and will be making ongoing payments monthly as well as having to make sure he's got health insurance and that my life insurance is kept in order so that he will get his checks if I should die first. The past is not "done with" as I will be paying for my past mistake in cash each and every month. Yes but if there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, then it IS in the past. You may have to pay every month, but it's something you have no control over, so stop letting this fact control YOU and your emotional well-being. Accept that you're half as wealthy and single, and work from there.
almost famous Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Really ? he's walking away with $$$ and an iron clad guarantee of a lifetime of more $$ flowing into his hands every month, that makes him more than attractive to a considerable number of women. He's already out there dating up a storm. Didn't you say that he didn't work a real job because he had medical conditions? Now how attractive can this be to the young ladies? ANd it's not like he's rich, right? If there is anything legally you can do, I would do this, as Woggle has suggested.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 You can always have your ex knocked off. Just kidding but if I were you I would get a lawyer and fight this. I've got a good lawyer, the situation is quite clear though, this is a no fault state, he was a stay at home spouse who is beyond the age of being expected to retrain. He will receive half of the assets and he will be entitled to a considerable alimony check each month. No judge here is going to allow me to thrust an unemployed man over age 55 penniless into the streets simply because he doesn't love me anymore.
Author soserious1 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 Yes but if there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, then it IS in the past. You may have to pay every month, but it's something you have no control over, so stop letting this fact control YOU and your emotional well-being. Accept that you're half as wealthy and single, and work from there. I intend to "work from there" I will pay my alimony and take a second job and honor my obligations.
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