just had my heart ripped out again

[sultry33]

yeah but not according to him for reasons to do with us

 

yeah right lol.. said it was traveln to work too much stress, kids.. but not us

 

otherwise id have kicked his butt to kerb months ago

im actually a bit angry but its a 1st for me.

 

i get through this x

[0hpenelope]

hi pen,

im actually feeling upset today had a night of crap dreams..

 

dont know which way to turn .. my heart is saying he is not with her or anyone .. or why would he message me?

meet me? why would he call her SHE who cleaned his car...

my head is saying forget him.. an yes he is havin his cake an eating it too.

 

i want so much to be over him but at same time i want him so much.. want what was going to be, the dreams we had the plans we made y,know..

 

but even if they are just friends i dont know if i could look at him now an just see him..

i think the damage is done.

 

if we meet its going be goodbye from me if i dont believe him..

 

we are not together but it felt like we was on same page

in not wanting the living together bit but missin each other an keeping the door open for when time was right.

he has i think slammed it in my face:mad:

 

He's got you caught in a mindf**k....

 

I don't know what to say to you sultry, but I can't help but feel sad when I read this.

 

If you're saying you want to say goodbye, then I think you want to move on much more than you want to get back with him. In my initial dealings with my emotions concerning Lawrence and saying goodbye "forever", wanting him back and wanting him gone were at equal footing... except I just made the choice to, you know... leave. The way you're choosing to leave now.

 

There's really nowhere to go for you two if you don't believe him, you know? That's what I'm telling myself, too. I don't believe in Lawrence anymore. The moment when I felt sad while around him should have been my signal to make a run for it... but I didn't. I was too in love.

 

The day that I initiated NC for good (I hope it's for good) was the first time I understood how people can say "a part of me died". I hope I never meet him again in the future, even though I've said before I do. Pharmacy here in the U.S. is a small profession, yet I hope we won't cross paths.

[sultry33]

well i asked for honesty as i said i dont want to be around if he wants someone or is interested in someone else..

 

he replied he is interested... loosley as he is complicated so others tell him... lol

 

i said

 

well yes honesty is best so good luck and goodbye.. im done with complications.

 

i do feel better:laugh:

 

talked to my best friend tonight an she said why do you chase him.. he is not good enough for you only thing about him was his car lol

said he is ugly compared to the guys i walk away from every weekend:love:

 

she is right tbh.. but then feelings go deeper than looks an material things

 

but he dont deserve me and i sure as hell deserve better

i am done with complications... nc all the way;)

[sultry33]

He's got you caught in a mindf**k....

 

I don't know what to say to you sultry, but I can't help but feel sad when I read this.

 

If you're saying you want to say goodbye, then I think you want to move on much more than you want to get back with him. In my initial dealings with my emotions concerning Lawrence and saying goodbye "forever", wanting him back and wanting him gone were at equal footing... except I just made the choice to, you know... leave. The way you're choosing to leave now.

 

There's really nowhere to go for you two if you don't believe him, you know? That's what I'm telling myself, too. I don't believe in Lawrence anymore. The moment when I felt sad while around him should have been my signal to make a run for it... but I didn't. I was too in love.

 

The day that I initiated NC for good (I hope it's for good) was the first time I understood how people can say "a part of me died". I hope I never meet him again in the future, even though I've said before I do. Pharmacy here in the U.S. is a small profession, yet I hope we won't cross paths.

 

thanks pen,

yea i know how it feels to want to be with them but at same time not.. hurts real bad that feeling..

 

seeing him with someone else was the end for me...

im a if you love someone you dont move on..

cant understand how he could say he loves me but is interested in someone else.. damn

 

maybe im niave in thinking that but he was the one who kept questioning me.. kept sayin he didnt want anyone.. how he would not love another like me.. how we fit together.. blar blar.. feels like bull **** now

 

the night he left he was cryin in the bathroom so it was hard for him to leave me but not so hard to move on..

 

i feel cheated an used but i will be ok.. i too hope our paths dont cross as i dont want him back now i have seen who he is tryin replace me with as well as the fact he used me ..

 

i dont think he reply to the last message an i dont give a damn.. im finally free, btw i have lost weight.. dropped a dress size woo hoo

 

plus my son is doin well in his autistic secondary school

so i be able to get out an work instead of working at home

i have organised a get fit sessions 3 times a week with my sister so im going be busy.. plus now i WILL FLIRT with the hunk i have liked fo weeks;)

i wont feel guilty now

i wont date yet but flirt is ok

 

thanks for support everyone i love you all xxx

[citizen67]

Sultry this guy is just hurting you, hurting you and hurting you, over and over and over again. This isnt judgment b/c I stupidly kept coming back for more and repeatedly getting destroyed - so I can relate to you. I don't know aboout you, but I can't do it anymore. I'm 40. The behavior of our exs is despicable. But how about you and me? The coming back, and being mistreated and heartbroken on a regular basis? Maybe me and you need to be nicer to me and you. I'm gonna try - wanna try w/ me?

[sultry33]

Sultry this guy is just hurting you, hurting you and hurting you, over and over and over again. This isnt judgment b/c I stupidly kept coming back for more and repeatedly getting destroyed - so I can relate to you. I don't know aboout you, but I can't do it anymore. I'm 40. The behavior of our exs is despicable. But how about you and me? The coming back, and being mistreated and heartbroken on a regular basis? Maybe me and you need to be nicer to me and you. I'm gonna try - wanna try w/ me?

 

yea i will try.. but there is no try just do...

 

i read a long post about ways to get them back... didnt damn work an now he is interested in someone else..

 

citz we do deserve better an yes its been a bad ride back an forth but we learn..

at least i know i gave it my all

 

day 1 nc for me now.. how about you?

what plans you got for tomorrow? weekend? x

[0hpenelope]

seeing him with someone else was the end for me...

im a if you love someone you dont move on..

cant understand how he could say he loves me but is interested in someone else.. damn

 

Mhmm... Preach it, sultry. For me, only time will tell I guess whether this feeling that I'm harboring is love or I just thought it's love. If it's love, then aren't we told that we just "know"? It's hard confronting these things. It's more tiring than anything.

 

I got to that point, too. I don't wish good things on Lawrence, but I don't wish him ill either. I know he's going to be happy no matter what anyone says because that's the way life goes, you know? Everyone is in pursuit of their own happiness (I love that movie. It made me cry so hard! ) regardless of anyone else's opinion. Pragmatism at its finest. But it doesn't mean I want to be witness to his happiness... not when I'm not okay. Dried up well and all that...

 

maybe im niave in thinking that but he was the one who kept questioning me.. kept sayin he didnt want anyone.. how he would not love another like me.. how we fit together.. blar blar.. feels like bull **** now

 

I guess it's just better to think that whatever it is that we were told is bull? I don't know, it seems to work better. Twist things so hard that we're left with "Oh, everything was a lie." It's just too bad I know, but that's how some people just cope with things.

 

<snip> btw i have lost weight.. dropped a dress size woo hoo

 

You are my role model! I'm going swimsuit shopping with a girl friend tomorrow. The bathing suits we have just aren't good for swimming laps, so we need to get "serious business" swimsuits. Thank goodness the swimsuits are on sale now, with winter coming up on this side of the world and all.

 

plus my son is doin well in his autistic secondary school

so i be able to get out an work instead of working at home

 

You sound like such a good mom... I have a special place in my heart for children. I want to work for a pediatric hospital once I'm a licensed pharmacist. I can deal with children better than the grown-ups. I really wish you and especially your son the best. It's nice to have that constant presence in your life - you know he's not going to love you less. He'll keep growing in his love for you. That steady love is really hard to find.

 

Keep posting, ok? We're here for you and I hope that tosser leaves you alone! He's obviously moving on and he should just give you space to do the same - even if you have a guy or not! You have someone more important to deal with anyway and it's your son.

[sultry33]

well just got back from clubing..

 

i have had a great night.. full on flirt

 

im 37 and have guys from 21 up lol chattin me up

 

why was i so hung up on him, ive had so much fun tonight/

 

may be home alone but the feelng of bein wanted is great

 

get out an party people xx

 

can barely walk but im doin it again tomorrow

good to let your guard down an for once i dont feel guilty:laugh:

 

findin that pic has helped me loads

[Lishy]

Good for you Sultry!

 

I am your age and I find when I go out I get chatted up by kids! I have one guy of 20 tell me that "women need to be loved by men of all ages" You had to peel me off the floor after that cos I was cracking up!

 

I am off out tonight to flirt flirt flirt and dance dance dance - If you are in Isington I may see ya haha x

[sultry33]

yea i can go where i like now lol

but im in the south east kent.. bit far but you never know

 

i have had a few guys comment on the new found me:laugh:

 

apparently normally i ignore them.. in less than a min.. now i notice them...

 

kissed 3 guys last night an omg they was fit;) an yea could have been more than a kiss but thats all im ready for..

 

had champayne which makes me a very norty girl:p

 

there is one guy who has turned my head more than once who stands near me an gives me butterflies.. he knows i like him but i cant talk to him..to damn shy,

but hey small steps..

i keep you posted..

 

on my ex i look at the pics of him an his new chick an you know it helps.. i dont feel sad jst releaved and personally i know they are not as close as we was.. which helps too.

 

Alot of my friends an family are shocked as they said he was trully in love with me as they could tell, but you know what i dont even like the new him..

my heart has given up on him now which i knew would happen if he was with someone else.

 

i tried to give him time an space but he choose to fill itith someone else an me... tosser

 

i wanted to call him a ass hole last night but decided against it.. nc all the way from me..

 

im doing good yea?

[Lishy]

OMG You are doing GREAT! Loving the fact you snogged 3 guys ... You go girl (done that a few times myself) hahhaha

 

You need as much ego boosting as you can get honey and forget that man who does not deserve you! Screw him (not literally lol)

 

Now it is a shame that you did not get pictures of you kissing these guys, you could have posted em next to his car washing wench ::evil grin::

[sultry33]

OMG You are doing GREAT! Loving the fact you snogged 3 guys ... You go girl (done that a few times myself) hahhaha

 

You need as much ego boosting as you can get honey and forget that man who does not deserve you! Screw him (not literally lol)

 

Now it is a shame that you did not get pictures of you kissing these guys, you could have posted em next to his car washing wench ::evil grin::

 

lol i dont need to stoop to his level... although tempting

besides he told me he has contacts so he knows what i get upto

can just imagine..

i saw your ex damn she looked hot and guys were around her.. she snogged 3 of them... one asked about her ex she said who!!

 

lol.. he thinks he is that great huh...

 

one thing that puzzles me is why would he care to keep tabs on me?why say be a good girl... keep your brothers mates away etc try write his name with his finger on my back ..when he likes someone else?

 

im begginin to think he was with her since before xmas too as why not give her a name other than she... he has one contact friend showin on msn an its a unique name which also happens to be the same name as the girl i called who he called on boxin day.. he said it was his mates old num?

 

well i said at the time she sounded like a fat chav ... seems i was not wrong;)

 

im glad i found out as he was always on a pedalstool but now i just think sad lying cheat.. he has cheated on her with me which is funnier.. she is so welcome:laugh:

 

i loved him but now i have set him free let him use someone else..

 

thought id feel upset still but 100% im happy..how strange is that... feel stupid for waitin so long though

gut feeling is nearly always right..

 

did you have a good night?

 

oops nearly forgot... he has a whoopin big vets bill to pay... didnt change the name lol...... woman scorned an all

[sultry33]

damn was goin send u link to her... pic

[Lishy]

OMG yes send me it, if you cant do it on here you can do it through my facebook which you have

[sultry33]

hi lishy, tried to pm you but say you dont have the function?

cannot use facebook as ts lap top wont load it.. damn thing

 

my email is on here so if you want email me an i send you link lol

[sultry33]

omg.. how bad was i?

after just reading a thread here on coping i thought id look back at my threads:bunny:

 

6 months on and im doing fab..

saw a pic of my ex just yesterday.. he looks well old ; and fatter:laugh:

lonely too..

its really funny now as he is def NOT my type.. how weird is that?

 

i actually was texting him some weeks ago and felt nothing, did say i missed him.. but dont want him back.

miss the good times we had nothing else.

 

he said he thought about me..esp in his monky slapping time..

damn cheek huh

 

well i dont:laugh:

 

he is selling his dream car..

 

me.. im doing great, have multiple dates when i want them.. had f buddy

who was fit as..

not seeing him anymore though as i want more.

i party every weekend from thurs to sat..

lost weight

quit my job and am now studying

am getting alot of attention from companies wanting me..

 

currently thinking of dating a 6ft5 hunk.. teacher too who spec in autism

i have tons of friends and my family life could not be better

my 20yr old son comes out to party with me too;)

 

life is great..

 

just thought id share this..

work on yourself.. you are worth it.. dont chase ..be chased

hugs to all xx