My new post with paragraphs :-)

[sparkleson]

Hi

I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago due to the fact I was doing EVERYTHING, I was giving giving giving he was taking taking taking, I had to get out I was miserable the further it went on the more he was distant the more frustrated i was, the less he was coming out, he wouldnt iniate sex he wouldnt kiss me he hardly showed effection it was driving me nuts and i was starting to think he was gay, he can be very cold ( and so can i be at times) but he was showing me no effection and the more i wanted it I was becoming more needy and desperate.

 

I broke up with him then moved back to my parents cause i wanted to see if he would come back,in the meantime someone else was showing me effection and I went on a date ( two weeks after we broke up) as he didnt seem to be bothered and didnt make any attempt to come back.

 

He told me why would he i broke up with him he didnt see a prob I said you show me no effection and do NOTHING for me its all me,i give you take,he wouldnt listen or talk... He found out about the date and went nuts and i said hold on you wouldnt even talk to me, what was i meant to do..

 

Weeks later he rang and said how about maybe getting back in a few months anyway i said no we broke up when i break up i break up,i was upset,i actually dont know why i said that but id had an op a few days before and was GROGGY and sore..SO that was that, we have talked everyday for the last six months and met up a few times .

 

I asked him back in June he said no i was far too late as our lease was up and he moved back to his mothers, but we have still been talking everyday and met up a few times but after each time i have to admit i asked him back or something in a desperate needy way to get him back, then sunday a few weeks ago he asked me to stay and said i think my mother was right about us getting back making me think cool hes thinkin bout it, i told him i couldnt stay cause i didnt have my medication then he went all cold on me again, i had dinner with him the week later and we kissed, then he went cold on me AGAIN but continues to talk to me, everytime i ask him to do something he says no, when he asks me i say yes straight away but again I am making all the effort anytime i ask him anything he says no...

 

Finally last sunday week we cuddled up all day had food,next day i asked would he think of gettin back he said no ,i left it all week he rang me and rang me everyday (im getting mixed signals)he text me on the friday are you in the pub i said no i was in another pub why he said oh i was gonna walk up for a drink thats all( its only up the road from him) i said come down to other pub heard nothing, next day we talked all day again and then i txt and said if ur in local give me a shout,he didnt, I went to local with a friend saw him there and felt really hurt... I sent txt and said hey how come ya never said to me to come for a drink, i basically got a reply saying cause i jus didnt we dont go out anymore ( yet he was gonna come up to me on friday..All HIS terms) so i said jesus you make me feel like you just ring me when you are bored or you feel like it..he said right so we wont talk to you anymore i was ringing to make sure you felt ok thru your illness, i said your giving me mixed signals, one week you meet up and call up and next you dont , he said well lets cut back so no mixed signals..I said ok good idea,then i said does that mean we will never get back :-) and he wrote back, no i dont wanna get back...That was it I have heard NOTHING since...whats it all about???

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[sedgwick]

What do you mean when you say he "went cold?" What is his behavior like at those times? Can you give an example?

[Beyond Eternity]

First thing's first, why do you want him back so badly if he does nothing for you?

 

If you do so much for him, you deserve a lot more in return, and not forcibly, but from his own free will, out of love for you. If he doesn't feel it, you can't force him to. If he doesn't feel it (what it looks like by the sounds of it), then move on, you're only hurting yourself by staying around/with him. Don't talk to him, don't reply to texts, calls, emails, etc. Just go NO CONTACT for at least a month. Let him come up with talking about the relationship. If he never ends up doing so, it's clear that he doesn't care. If he doesn't care... move on, and don't waste your time with him. It's cold but it's true, and when you stop all contact, it'll help move on with your life, even if he'll come back to you, that way you'll be prepared if something ends up going wrong again.

[seminoles84]

First off. Have you been in many relationships before him? Sounds to me like you guys were each others first loves.

 

I think the best think you can do is completely leave him alone, and go NC. Is this roller coaster of emotions really worth it? I doubt it. You seem young, you have your whole life ahead of you.

 

To me, it sounds as though he is using you as a ego boost. Every time he's lonely, he calls/texts you. He say's he's going to come up and have a few drinks with you, and dips out of it. This happened multiple times... like something else came up that he thought would be better/more fun.

 

You need to start thinking of yourself. You will never get over this with contact constantly. And if you keep contacting him, he will keep you on a very thin string.. just thin enough for you to keep thinking there is hope for a future.. while he knows he's got the upper hand and is probably already moving forward with his life. But if he get's bored, he'll USE you as a void to pass time.

 

Screw that. NC time.

 

Good luck!

[seminoles84]

And just so you know, my ex did the same thing to me.. and it made me feel like complete. The final straw came this past weekend. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER AGAIN!

 

I loved the way I feel when I'm with her, but HATE the way I feel when I'm not and she's just dragging me along (she also only contacted me when she "could fit me in"). Which seems to be what's happening to you.

 

I've never felt so liberated from this. Knowing that you are taking control of the situation, is the best feeling. It's time you do the same!

[sparkleson]

hey sedgwick..

 

by cold i mean on the sunday for example he was saying looks like we will be getting back like his mum said and was all cuddly and cute etc like it was before it seemed THEN on the monday he was chatty and i we where talkin and if i mentioned what hed said the day before he'd kind of dismiss me or talk about something else... I think im his first love ... I think i may of really hurt him... but he wouldnt dooooo anything for me trucks trucks trucks it was like i came second to his trucks, he is a year younger...

[sparkleson]

hey beyond eternity...

 

well the reason i was getting mixed signals was because he was mentioning the relationship like the day we where in his parents, then last week we where joking and he was like god this is the worst break up ever as if, but you see I dont think i ever left it long enough for me not to mention anything I should of just let him do the talking...He knows he can have me when he wants...he says yes i say jump I dont think he knows what he wants... I didnt try to force him but i suppose the more i got frustrated the more i pushed him away... OK basically we did alot together before we moved in, he made all the effort and called to my house stayed with me we went for dinner and drinks, as soon as we moved in last march it felt like he felt he had me...and didnt bother so much does that make sense...

[sparkleson]

hey seminoles...

 

You are dead right, thats what i was feeling it was awful, you are using me when it fits you in!!... and I said it to him i feel you use me when ur bored, thats when he went nuts but feck it im not STUPID... he knows im sick like so you would think that he would stop takin the piss pushin and pullin, but he basically has the upper hand and i know that and im sure he is thinking she is going to contact me in the next day or two cause he knows im out of work and have plenty of time to think... But im not, i havent contacted him since he said he doesnt want me back..Which is fine, but goddddd i cant stop thinkin and thinkin about it I actually have a headache, but i know if i contact him that he will have a giggle to himself cause he will say jesus she is so weak, he use to say i was such a forgiver cause when i argue with anyone i jus forgive them, i hateeeee fighting...

 

Anyway I just wanted things to work out, I just find him sooo sexy LOL, well im 27 so not so young he is a year younger, I think i may be his first long term, we where with each other 3 years I was in a 2 year before that and a 4 1/2 one before that, I haven't had a break I've been seein people non stop since i was 18.. I've never lived with a boyfriend before though, I wont be doing that in a hurry again!..

 

See what really threw me was last Oct he changed jobs and he was like ok im goin to work in the uk 6 days a week, its nearly double the money etc great fantastic ... I was like WHAT he was gone from sun evenin til Sat mornin and spent sat day all day fixin his cars and catchin up on bits to do on the truck..Then on sunday we'd have our time..But he never discussed with me how i would feel bout it or anythin he just went and did it...that really upset me..he's like im a trucker thats what truckers do..He does what he wants, like if your livin with someone surely you would ask wouldd that upset them no?

 

Im on a rant again LOL

[seminoles84]

Hey, if ranting helps you feel better.. Do it! We wont judge.. as long as you use paragraphs

[sparkleson]

what did ya think of my last paragraph? :-) the one about goin working and not even sayin to me did i mind or anything or is this just me being controlling? I just thought when ur in a relationship you should see how it will effect the other person and are they ok with it not just go im doin this and this :-)

[Beyond Eternity]

You're not being controlling by feeling that way or asking. Before anyone makes a big chance or takes a big step in life, they always think of how it will affect them. He clearly had no problem with it limiting your time severely. Now what do you think that means? It is normal to sit down and talk about things, ask your partner if they're okay with the choice you're making, etc. He clearly didn't care if he didn't mention it to you at all... you should stop talking to him because you're only giving him something to brag about and he really can't miss you when you're texting him every other day or so right? Avoid all contact and see what happens.

 

I just started the No Contact thing two days ago, it's only been two days and it's really really hard after a 1 year relationship... I haven't answered any messages or e-mails and never any calls. But the messages that come (she broke up with me because she told me her feelings diminished and eventually burned out and that she doesn't care about me anymore), are showing more and more care. It's only been two days (we used to be together every day for at least 4 hours) and she tells me she misses me. She hasn't said that in over a month. Then she tells me she's worried about me (probably thinks something happened to me, but I can't compromise the whole thing to tell her I'm ignoring her or something, it's better if I just disappear as I have in her eyes until she realizes what she does feel for me, because feelings subside if you get too used to things and I realize that ended up happening by spending hours and hours every single day with her for a year). It hurts but, I've always been the one to try and get her back, to do more, just like you are. I just stopped, I 'gave up' in a way to put it. Now she's trying.

 

Try it yourself, if he doesn't care (as it seems to me), you've got nothing to lose.

[sparkleson]

Your so right.. Well if you are doing and getting a response so quickly thats great.. :-)

 

I think your right when your use to someone being there and you just being use to it and I think he may think I will just always pick up or text back so I'll use your technique thats even if he does contact..Its SOOO tempting but I know in my heart I've gone too far i've overstepped the line asking to get back so many times, but as you have said you have given up, I have given up now in a way I cant try anymore :-)

 

Thanks for your advice and I hope you get things sorted and get back..

 

Oh by the way he did say it to me he didnt just disappear one day but I cant remember how I reacted at the time I prob was shocked, I know if it was the other way around he would of been like ehhhh why bother goin out then...

[sparkleson]

I wish i could just forget about him and stop thinkin of everything over and over!!