williamz Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I'll condense my story as much as possible... I started college last year after going through a serious bout of depression. I was depressed at the beginning of my time at college. I met my ex about a couple weeks into it and she turned everything around for me. I suddenly was happy and not depressed at all. All year was amazing. We fought a lot, and it was a tumultuous relationship but we always reconciled immediately, because we both loved each other immensely. At the end of the year as we went home, she was absolutely miserable at the thought of not seeing me for 3 months (we live 500 miles apart). Our last meeting before we went home she was in tears saying how miserable her summer was gonna be without me. I reassured her. Nevertheless about 3 weeks into the summer she started the slow pull away. gradually giving me the cold shoulder. I confronted her about it and asked if she met someone, she said no, she was just re-evaluating things and realized we weren't good for each other. She "broke up with me" without ever really saying it. She just said she wasn't in love with me anymore. I was devastated but focused on NC. after a few weeks of no contact I would get depressing calls and text messages from her, saying how depressed she was (not that she was sorry). As the new school year got closer I even got messages like "I miss you a lot." So I figured everything would be fine once we got back to school. Flash forward to my first day back at school. We both moved in on the same day. I invited her over to my place. She was kinda resistant but eventually we started to kiss and we had sex and some of the stuff she said during all that led me to believe that we were back together as usual. She even spent the night 2 nights later. I'm assuming everything is back to normal. But she kept clarifying she was not my gf. So after some confusing days of not knowing whats going on, she invites me to her house for a party (which I hate and am totally uncomfortable with. i dont drink) I go and, and its apparent im the last person invited. She doesnt even pay me any attention. Shes paying all her attention to male friends that were visiting from home. So after 10 minutes of that I say im leaving. Then i made the fatal mistake of calling/texting her telling her how depressed I was and how I wanted to die. She couldn't care less. So i figured that was it. I didn't talk to her for about 10 days. I didn't want things to end with me embarrassing myself like that so I wrote a detailed letter to her, where i took the high road and analyzed all of our problems. I gave her the letter yesterday, my first contact with her since the party, she said she would read it. I talked to her later on, she said she had read it, and didn't even comment on it. I had to press her. and just ask "did you meet someone else or do you just not care" she said "i just dont care" which dashed the 1% glimmer of hope i was still holding out. Basically my question/problem is how can someone who was so deeply in love with me fall out of love with me without any climactic event happening (no one cheated, no one liked another person, no one did anything harmful to one another) just 6 months of her being totally in love with me, now doesn't care whether I live or die. The other problem is the reminder. We both go to the same school. She lives down the street. I see her friends walking to class. I have a mutual friend in one of my classes. I walk by her old dorm and am miserable. I see certain spots on campus where we had great memories and I am crushed. I can hardly bare to be at this school. Not to mention the fact that I hated it to begin with, she was the reason I could tolerate it and be happy. I don't even have any other friends here. I put all my eggs in her basket and it blew up in my face. Now i'm left in agony, wanting to transfer but so depressed I don't even have the energy to undertake the process. I deleted her phone number from my phone, blocked her and deleted my facebook, yet still sometimes check her away message pathetically. I can't even attempt to make any friends or try to find another relationship, because all I think of is her and it kills me inside. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
seminoles84 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 You sound very young. Don't stress this one relationship. Is it a big university that you go to? If so.. force yourself to do some activities. You must meet new people! College should be a fun time.. I didn't date a girl for my first 3 years.. and finally met my ex the last year. Although I enjoyed being with her, I wish I didn't take it so seriously and enjoyed my senior year at college!! Obviously, you know NC is the way to go. Don't give her the satisfaction of bringing you down (harder said than done, I know). I can't stress how important it is that you force yourself to meet new people! Have fun, and live life! Sounds like that's her plan.. you need to out do her! Good luck buddy!
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