for all those that live in hope................

[sunshinegirl]

part of it is the satisfaction of knowing they caved and came back....but i also just know that maybe if he had some doubts and went out there and saw that theres no one better, he would realize.

i know it sounds pathetic to let him go to see whats out there- he should know. but sometimes its not that black and white. and doubt is understandable.

god this sucks so badly. the waiting to see what life brings you next- someone better? or him back in my life?

i joined yoga to learn to shut my mind off. only seems to work when im actually doing yoga. i feel like i should be medicated in a padded room.

i just wish i knew if he had totally decided against me or if hes still wondering. i dont even think he knows.

 

You know, this wanting them to come back or regret what they did... I think it's totally natural and normal. I think it's an ego thing, mostly.

 

That being said, my ex from two years ago came back. It was such a surreal moment: we broke up the summer of 2006 because he didn't have romantic feelings for me anymore, thought we were incompatible, and had started dating someone else while we were in an ambiguous not-dating-but-hanging-out period. I was crushed at the time, but accepted it and moved on. Dated around heavily through the fall and then started dating the current ex in January 2007.

 

A month ago we (2006 ex and I) were at dinner (we re-established the friendship) and he basically told me that his dating life has been shyte since me and he's chosen really bad people... that the one person who was good for him was the one he threw away. And after all that, he said that if I ever wanted to go out on a date, that would be great by him.

 

So - ahhhhhhh! I got my validation. I got the satisfaction you're talking about - I WAS awesome to him and a good girlfriend and he DID screw up by throwing it away! And he was regretting it, big time.

 

But the whole thing was anticlimactic because.... I no longer want him romantically. What a kicker, huh?

[superchicchick]

sacg, first things first. I'm so sorry about the pain you're going through. Emotions are the hardest thing to deal with in relationships and especially in break ups. And, the fact that almost everyone has gone through the horrible pain of loss and betrayal by someone we love, doesn't help you to FEEL BETTER now.

 

So how can you start to feel better now? Retrain your brain, and start playing mind games ...IMMEDIATELY!

 

Here's what I mean - every time you think about your ex, picture in your mind that you are NOW together with your true soul mate. Be sure to Always think in the present - not the future. When you get angry or upset about your ex, STOP! Close your eyes. Start thinking, or saying positive statements that are in the "here and now".

 

Here are examples:

 

"I'm in a healthy, happy and loving relationship with the most wonderful girl in the world."

 

"I deserve, and HAVE true love with my real soulmate"

 

"I'm at total peace and completely fulfilled in all aspects of my life"

 

"I have my true love and best friend by my side - she loves and believes in me deeply"

 

"My soul mate and I are in a beautiful relationship full of love, trust and happiness"

 

"I've never been happier or healthier in my life than I am right now"

 

"My relationship with my soul mate is strong, honest, completely satisfying and loving" --- etc.

 

I know how hard it is to "snap out" of negative thoughts and feelings. So here's a great tip that Tony Robbins teaches that will help you literally "snap out of it" ...

 

1. Put a rubber band around your wrist.
   
2. Every time the negativity kicks-in, SNAP the rubber-band while saying "STOP"!
   
3. Now just "fill in" with your positive statements.
   

It's as easy as 123! Positive thinking is nothing new, but most people don't know how to train their mind to do it! This technique can be used for anything in life. For example, I hated my old job so much, that driving into work was very depressing. So while driving I started thinking and believing that I had my dream job of working at home - and now I do!

 

It can be hard at first - and it takes some time for your dreams to manifest, but believe me it works!

 

The most important part is to stay in the now because "someday" never comes.

 

Warmest Wishes ~ Ali

 

PS - 39?? Geeez, you're such a YOUNG pup! There are many girls out there that would love to teach you some new tricks! Just no begging please - leave that to us!

[silverbunny]

So I pretty much know exactly how you feel. Except I'm a girl and I miss my ex boyfriend a TON. He isn't sleeping with anyone, but I feel like he's seeing this other girl that he had started talking to while we were apart. On the night we broke up he was texting her without letting me see his phone. All night he kept his phone hidden from me and finally I told him I didn't like him talking to her. She's known at my high school (though I'm at college now) for sleeping with guys for fun. Her friends are like that too.

 

So when he started talking to her I was very upset. I told him twice how I feel and he doesn't care that I hate her. He actually DEFENDED her both times. He just doesn't understand that it upset me.

 

We're apart now. And like sacg I feel like I should hate him but I can't. I've said for weeks now that I hate him. But my thoughts tell me I don't.

 

I'm with you sacg!! I'm just as confused and feel like I've been betrayed and still love my ex!! I am in the midst of looking, however. And if I were to meet someone else, I would start seeing them regularly so as to keep myself preoccupied.

 

It's tough. I know all too well what's going on.

[sacg]

Thanks for your comments and support. And Sunshine, your lucky if your at a stage of wanting to talk to the opposite sex. thats impossible at the moment for me, i would just be a misery to them.

 

I wouldnt class myself as immature, but I think im losing a grip on this, and not really moving forward. i went out tonight in london with mates, and all i did was sit there ****ing depressed, a miserable twat. This is not me, i was always the life and soul, i was always the out going, in fact it was what my ex didnt like, that i was so friendly and got on with people. But i cant snap out of it. And the last thing i can do at the moment is hold a conversation with anyone, let alone the opposite sex. i want to, just to aleviate some pain and hurt and feel wanted, although the poor girl would definaltey be a rebound. But i cant. All i do is see her and him, all the couples kissing and happy, her and him. And it destroys me. I ended up leaving at 9.30 for gods sake. And now im home on here again.

 

I dont think i will ever get over this, its been almost 3 months now, and whilst im more composed, i cant stop the constant thoughts of them and the real pain in missing her. She's so happy now and I dont even figure That hurts a lot.

 

Im starting to drink too much and im dabbling in class A's again, something i swore id never do again. not eaten properly in ages and starting to go downhill. Maybe i need therapy, maybe i'll enquire. I thought i was strong. ive been through a lot and dealt with it admirably, but this women has destroyed me. Im hurting and i cant escape this. i feel hopeless and lost. How the **** could she have done this?

 

people always say get out, force yourself. whilst thats good advice, I just dont think im ready. And i dont like feeling that way.

[HopeDiesLast]

Sacg-

Sometimes advice thats generally given doesnt apply to all of us. Everyone is different. You tried- and thats a step in the right direction. So it wasnt fun, oh well. When you feel up to it again, try again. if you don't for some time, then find other ways to occupy yourself- books, movies, exercise, building, anything!

and as someone who sought out a therapist a month and a half in- i HIGHLY reccomend it. sometimes its nice to hear it from a complete outsider. To be able to come to grasps with your reality and have a professional suggest ways to move forward. They won't do it for you, merely suggest. Then its up to you.

My therapist told me to quit the desturctive behaviour too. But i havent been able to yet. I drink a lot more now, i smoke illegal substances, i like muscle relaxers and too much wine....but for me, it eases the pain a little. But i can also control myself.

One thing i've repeated over and over lately to myself? The idea that i have no choice but to be okay with this ****ty circumstance. I refuse to let this man destroy me anymore. I, too, have lost 15 lbs, cant eat normally still, sleep horribly and its been a little over 3 months. We have no choice but to get through this. In our own ways.

If i wasnt so far west of you i'd come to london and help you be social. ive always wanted to see london.

**hugs**

[sacg]

Thanks again HDL, your always there.

 

And you will always have somewhere to stay should you visit London.

 

Its not about trying again, i go our most weekends, friday and saturday, but this always happens. I cant shake the thinking side of it. Everyone says when it comes to your mind, delete it, think of something more positive, but I literally cant. In fact i sometimes escalate it. im a strong person, i hold a high pressured job and deal with stuff most people would cave in at, but this, this is just to overpowering. I even sat there a minute ago and thought, do i really miss her, or am i feeling rejected and low in confidence that im missing that feeling. I really dont know anymore, but even now, even now im thinking where they are, in a cab on the way home, watching a movie cuddled up, its wrong, its not right and she shouldnt have been able to do this this quick!

[HopeDiesLast]

I had a miserable time out last night, too. i was trying not to be drunk so i could drive home and it never seems as much fun to be in a bar when im not totally intoxicated. at least not lately. All i kept thinking about was- whats he doing? is he out with her? is he going to be at the football game tomorrow im going to? is that a light on in his house? its pathetic really.

and then i woke up this morning so enraged. That SOB decided he couldnt give up his drinking and dirtbag friends for an adult life. He chose some idiot girl who condones his childish behaviour. he chose people who still do heavy drugs as if they were in college. He REALLY wants that? he cant be serious...can he? and the support of my friends telling me this is for the best, hes an idiot, hes not good enough for you.....only makes me feel like IM the idiot for having dated him.

To think i truly believed this was true love and what he wanted...i feel so stupid.

How do they move on so quick? Bc they prolly checked out of this before they even told us we were in the break up. sickening thought, isnt it?

[HopeDiesLast]

just wanted to see how you are doing, sacg....i woke up at 3 am last night thinking "3 mos...its so over."

Now the focus should be on us, sacg. and being happy again. or at least better than we are.

[sacg]

Good to see you back HDL, and i know how you feel. if it wasnt for the beer, and tablets, i wouldnt sleep. Im losing it mate. tonight it's all really sinking in and i feel terrible. Ive lost her, I know that. Shes happy with him, I know that. Funny thing is, its becoming more acceptable in a way to say that. i miss her so much, ive cried a few times tonight, which suprised me as its 3 months. But i think, its the freshness of the news.

 

i think shes even gone away this weekend with him, a long weekend. can you imagine. probably to the new forest, were we used to go.

 

i am in peices, and I cant hate her for it. i love her so much, but she's gone HDL. Thats the fact!

 

Horrible thing is, I had two calls saturday night, on my mobile then immediatley on the house fone. Only my folks, her and quite possibly that twat know these numbers. Its ****ed my mind up a bit to say the least.

[HopeDiesLast]

I've had a cry today too. saw him walking to his job this morning and accidentally came across a picture of us on st.patricks day. we were so damn happy. god it hurts.

i cant make it stop. im so lost. i feel this cannot be happening. this is just not right. i dont know how im gonna get throught this. i really dont. i want to call him and tell him i love him. and to remember how happy we were....just a few months ago. but hes seeing someone. casually....but still. probably sleeping with her.

how can they just go on not thinking of us? not wondering if were dead or alive?

[BCCA]

how can they just go on not thinking of us? not wondering if were dead or alive?

 

They have to. Their choice is either to feel guilty about what you're feeling, be there for you, and at the same time, hold themselves back from what they want. Or, they just have to do their best to stay out of your life. Im sure they would be upset if something bad happened to you, but again, what are they supposed to to? Wait for you to be ok? That will never happen as along as theyre around. The only option is to keep as much distance as they can for long enough for you to be ok with the breakup. By that time, you'll either be ok with friends or you'll never want to speak to them again - if youre like me, its definitely the latter.

 

Im sure people care. I cant imagine everyone is a heartless and selfish person. But they chose to worry about whats good for them above all else.

[EmperorR]

ya i think thats the thing that bothers me, how can you say i loe you so much ill die for you two weeks ago and suddenly now 3 years of being together is nothing

 

people are so coldhearted

[0hpenelope]

how can they just go on not thinking of us? not wondering if were dead or alive?

 

The ones who left us behind will live their lives the way they want to live.

 

I'm sure that if Lawrence and I were still just friends - if we didn't date at all - and he told me he was unsure about the girl he was with and feels like he wants to break up with her, I'd tell him to do it. Because he has to take care of his own needs + it's not fair for him to string along the girl.

 

We just have to carry on. Seriously... we have no choice. There's no trying, we just have to move on.

[BCCA]

ya i think thats the thing that bothers me, how can you say i loe you so much ill die for you two weeks ago and suddenly now 3 years of being together is nothing

 

people are so coldhearted

 

Saying "I love you" unfortunately, can be a fleeting feeling. You could absolutely mean it today, and tomorrow completely change your mind. Also, you have to realize that its not that they went from loving you to not caring if you get hit by a bus tomorrow, but they are only thinking of themselves after the breakup. They aren't doing themselves any favors by deciding to breakup and then spending an undetermined amount of time making sure you're ok. Honestly, them leaving you alone is actually one of the nicest things the can do. Its the people who string you along, call when its convenient for them, use you for sex, etc. that are cold hearted.

[HopeDiesLast]

ohpenel- way to put it into perspective! seriously...sometimes that what u need.

BCCA- you have a way of saying things that makes sense. As hard as it is to accept it.....i guess it makes sense.

The tough part is....focusing on you and what you want for yourself. Especially what you want...is to be loved by the one that just left.

[HopeDiesLast]

i guess the truth is- it doesnt bother me so much that he doesnt call. i know why he doesnt call- cus he doesnt want to make me feel worse. or to say something to hurt me. whatever.

what HURTS is that i know WHY hes not calling- bc he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Everyday that he doesn't try to reach me makes my heart hurt all over again.

[0hpenelope]

i guess the truth is- it doesnt bother me so much that he doesnt call. i know why he doesnt call- cus he doesnt want to make me feel worse. or to say something to hurt me. whatever.

what HURTS is that i know WHY hes not calling- bc he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Everyday that he doesn't try to reach me makes my heart hurt all over again.

 

It's just painful. All across the board, that's the common agreement that no one will contest on these boards. "It hurts." Where we all come in to collaborate is how to make it stop hurting, what can we do, "Well, this is what I've done, I'll share!", etc.

 

Have you heard of "Fake it 'til you make it?" One of my favorite LS veterans who is still active, Gunny376, made this thread not too long ago about the very subject. You can check it out here. Sometimes, the things that we need to do have absolutely nothing to do with whether we like doing them or not. It's the matter of having to do it.

 

As Gunny says over there, sometimes, action has to precede emotion. You don't fight the pain and you feel it - every single nuance of the pain - and then... then you have to do something about getting rid of that pain. "Ok, I've had this pity party long enough and it's getting old." For me, maintaining and initiating NC had nothing to do with being "ready". I don't get it. I just knew, in spite of how hurtful the process would be, that NC was something that I needed to do.

 

Lawrence has a new girl. Now, more than ever, NC must stay on permanent status. I don't like it, but I have to do it. Because I don't want to know anything about them other than "They are dating and they are doing couple stuff and I don't want details because nothing good will come out of it."

 

I'm sorry for the slight threadjack, sacg. HDL, your efforts into healing will pay off. It will. I hope you know that, right?

[HopeDiesLast]

Sacg- i hope this stuff helps you! didnt mean to take over at all

[sacg]

Not at all HDL, wow, this moved on, and some good posts. Well to top it all off, today i got served wth redundancy. Can life be any more ****ing cruel?

[megapositive]

Not at all HDL, wow, this moved on, and some good posts. Well to top it all off, today i got served wth redundancy. Can life be any more ****ing cruel?

 

What is redundancy?

[sacg]

Your losing your job!

[HopeDiesLast]

oh man.....Sacg. I am so sorry. What happens now? New job hunt?

A change like this could be good for you, ya know.

[sacg]

you know what, thats what I keep telling myself. Bit its hard to see the light. not a good time to sell yourself for a new job when your lifes in ruins is it?

 

Looks like I may have to move away, moving away from my ex, which you will all jump in and say is a good thing, but a massivley hard thing for me to do and accept.

 

I feel pretty low and alone at the moment.

[megapositive]

Oh wow, I'm sorry. However, maybe a blessing in disguise. You'll be forced to focus on something else, you'll change your daily routine, you'll meet new people. Of course it doesn't look good now to you...

[HopeDiesLast]

sacg- i wouldnt be able to do it. id be terrified. but i guess this is all part of the idea- let life happen as it will. things are going to work out for you. i promise.