mylovegrowsdeeper Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Here's the long story short.... I invested a year into someone online, after enough reluctance to get him here; I was adament to come there. 2 weeks before my trip he started picking issue about wether or not he'd be attracted to me (this coming from a self professed "it isn't looks that matter, I'm attracted to the personality"). He saw full body, recent shots of me a week before I went on cam with him, the pics were litterally taken a week before- then when I went on cam he claimed I didn't make the right first impression. The "break up" was devestating. We went NC for about 3 months, then I found out he'd held onto my pictures, etc etc and I thought that's strange- I confronted him and he said he still thought we should just move on. I realised that my romantic feelings were pretty much faded by now but I cared very much for him and he said friendship was cool and I thought great! Week 1 was great- he was back in my life and it wasn't a problem for me; so what went wrong? We both post at a forums site together, I started seeing some of his posts and noticed that the stories he was sharing about his life and experiences were a complete contradiction to the things he told me; I also found out he had lied about some other things. Basically, I'm starting to feel duped- like my looks had nothing to do with it and were an out because he's a liar. I know people tend to overlook online things but we talked a lot over a year, fell asleep on the phone nightly, watched movies, did activities etc. Our personalities grew a very strong bond. It didn't hurt any less to lose him just bc he flaked out before we were set to meet. I care about him very much but now I'm struggling to accept that it was all lies and etc etc. I'm in denial about it and having a hard time accepting that's what happened. ....
blackandblue Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I know exactly how you feel, but believe me, you're lucky he ended it when he did. I met my ex online and it turns out she is a master manipulator - she said all the right things to me, got me totally hooked and had me thinking "this girl is my soul-mate, I'll never find anyone who'll understand and support me like this". Then, shortly after meeting her in real life, I realized what a big load of crap it had all been. However, even though my gut told me to get out, I stayed for A YEAR, until she dumped me. Now I'm in the position of feeling conned and duped. I look back on all the messages she sent me and think that's who I fell in love with, but that's not who she is, I was in love with someone who never existed - a ghost. This guy sounds the same - you're lucky it didn't go further. I know it's still hard but you just have to see the truth ... and the truth shall set you free.
sedgwick Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 The thing about meeting someone online and knowing them solely through the internet is that they could be ANYONE. This is not about you in any way whatsoever, this is about a guy who for whatever reason is scared to meet people in real life. For all you know he could be a 90-year-old man, or a felon, or whatever else might make someone lie about who they are and not want to meet someone in person. It sucks that this happened, but he's not who you thought he was. It has absolutely nothing to do with you or your attractiveness or lack thereof. I mean...once he saw you on a webcam, you "made the wrong impression?" WTF? Did you see HIM on cam? What kind of impression did HE make? I met someone online once and he seemed to be the most perfect person alive. He wrote me these wonderful hilarious emails, and when we talked on the phone he always made me laugh. Then I met him in person and he turned out to be a surly, awful person who actually PULLED A KNIFE on someone on one of our first dates. Also, he came off as very progressive, but it turned out he was a hardcore conservative who actually stood up and saluted one night when Bush came on TV. Who he was in person was very, very, VERY different from who he seemed to be online. I learned that lesson the hard way.
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