I finally give in, and he gave up.

[sdfderrick]

I don't really know what I'm here to accomplish... my friend thinks just writing about my emotional struggle will help ease the pain... I sure hope it does because it's getting to be almost unbearable.

 

I've never really had much luck with relationships... I'm gay, but I have had my fair share of guys that were interested in me. I've dated a few guys, had two serious relationships... but never let anyone get so close to my heart as my now (hard to even type) ex did.

 

So I meet a guy back in April that writes me on myspace... he had just gotten out of the marine core and was stationed in NC but he was driving back to California where he lived. He was passing through my state and wondered if I wanted to meet-up and have lunch or something. It was a bit uncharacteristic of me, but I took a leap and met him. It went fantastic. Almost too good to be true. He ended up staying with me a couple nights before he went back home to Cali. We ended up chatting over the next month and he came back to visit me. We fell for each other pretty quick.

 

Instead of starting school in California in June, he decided he wanted to be closer to me and found a school two hours away from me that he is attending. There was a slight problem, although. He's not out, and not many people know that he is gay. He is going to a technical school for Diesel Mechanics so he was afraid to come out in fear of being ridiculed, as far as I know. It wasn't an issue to me. He was in love with me and was very affectionate and vocal about how he felt for me whenever he was with me. So he moved in with me for a month before school started... things were terrific. He met all of my friends, we got to bond and get to know each other better.. and overall it was just an amazing month.

 

Then he moved away... but just two hours. I came and visited him every weekend for a few weeks and things seemed fine. I knew that distance was going to be a part of our relationship and that was fine to me. But then he got a roommate who was straight, so he could only come visit me since I wouldn't have anywhere to stay while I was there. It again didn't bother me because I knew that he wanted to be with me but couldn't fully be with me. After a few more weeks he started to get a little more distant. He didn't text nearly as much as sometimes wouldn't return my calls. I got used to talking to him everyday, but was willing to adjust because he was working full-time and going to school full-time.

 

It began to get to a point where I felt like he didn't want to talk to me and I had to bother him to get him to communicate with me. I feel like I pressured the issue a bit but he finally opened up to me a bit a few weeks ago when he came to visit and told me that he had been thinking about things and didn't know if he could do this. By this, meaning have a gay relationship. The next morning before he left he told me that things were fine and that he was just feeling weird and he still wanted to date. It really confused me and I started to get a little worried. His lack of communication continued and we didn't talk much again over the past few weeks, until he came to visit me this past Sunday.

 

He was very distant with me until he started drinking and we went out to a bar with some friends. He got a little more intimate with me and I started to feel like it was my boyfriend again. Unfortunately, when we got home I tried to get him to talk to me about what he was thinking. It was what I feared. He didn't want to continue dating because he doesn't think he can be with me. He talked about moving back to California when he is done with school in a year and how he's been thinking about this for a while and doesn't think he can do it. He said that his town would crucify him if they ever found out that he was gay and he was the only male left in his family and he needed to carry on his name. I told him that gay couples can have kids, but to him it's apparently not the same.

 

We ended up breaking it off yesterday. After four months of dating, I'm single again. I'm going through a range of different emotions. I'm so confused... I know my situation is unique but I don't know what to do. I want the man that was so completely in love with me that he moved across the country to be with me back. Is he gone forever?

 

What hurts the most is he kept telling me how great of a guy I was, how attractive I am, how he felt like such an *******... but it wasn't any consolation. I did nothing wrong. I don't think I could have done anything differently. I asked if we could still be friends and he said that we could.. but I know he will make no effort to hang-out or communicate with me and it's going to break my heart. I sent him a text message this morning because I couldn't fall asleep and asked him if we could be more than friends, at least until he was done with school. He asked wouldn't that just make it harder in the end... I told him if he still loved me like the way he did a few months ago that it would be worth it to me in the end.

 

So now I'm at a loss. I'm not naive to think that he will come back or even change his mind. I honestly do not believe that he is straight or will be happy being straight after spending so much time with him and truely believing he was in love with me... but he's the type of guy who would do it just to please his mother and not fearful of losing his homophobic friends. I don't think there is anything I can do to make him want to continue to be with me... I know that probably not contacting him and trying to get over the heart break is the best thing to do, but I don't want to lose him. I'm afraid he'll drop off the face of the earth and I'll never hear from him again... and even if at the very least I can be his friend, I'll suffer a bit just for that. He means that much to me.

 

I guess I just want to hear everything is going to be ok. My heart hurts. I can't stop thinking about him. Everything reminds me of him... I can't help but to look at his myspace... doing everything I know I shouldn't but I can't help it.

[blackandblue]

I'd advise you to break communication with him - if he wants to be with you then let him come to you and say so - but otherwise, do not allow yourself to dangle on a string. I know it's hard, I've just broken up with a girl who didn't want a commitment and it hurts very much because I love her. But I decided I'm not going to put myself through the pain of waiting around to see if she wants to get back with me - as far as I'm concerned, it's over and I'm now trying to move on. No matter how wonderful a person seems, as soon as they play the "I don't want a relationship/commitment etc" card it changes everything forever. He sounds like he has got some issues which is a shame but you have to look out for yourself, buddy, no one else will.

[BCCA]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. This guy sounds really selfish, and confused about what he wants. Love knows no boundries, and if he really felt strongly about you, he wouldn't care what anyone else thought. He's feeding you excuses to cover up for the fact that he was just selfish and wanted to have some one for a while on his terms.

 

You really need to go no contact and just move on. Dont waste another minute on this guy. You can't just be 'friends' with some one you loved overnight, it would generally take years to be ok with it. Anyone who is ok with just being friends right away obviously didnt care about you the same way.

 

I know how crappy you must feel. Do whatever you can to make yourself happy for a while, and just know that the right one will come along.