Arsenic_Child Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Hey everyone, heres my story and i hope you guys could shed some light on it. About a week ago, i talked to 2 of my friends who is also friends with my ex. I asked them what to do about my breakup with my ex because she broke up with me a month ago, they both told me to give her some space to think about it and dont contact her at all, and if she contacts me to just tell her i'm busy or ignore her. I did not do the NC right away, i thought about it then finally came through and did it 3 days later. 5 days Into the NC she Calls me to ask me for my aunts number because Shes Sick and my aunts a Doctor, So i gave her the number. shortly after she texted me apologizing for just calling and asking for the number and it led into a hour text convo between me and her. That was yesterday. Then today she texts me and we start having a convo about all different things and i told her i was bored and she said "I would come get you But i cant drive, and i cant give you a ride home later" (i don't have a car atm because i totaled it) the reason why she couldn't come get me was because she was on Heavy Duty Pain Killers and she couldn't drive. Now Heres the issue, I went NC because i wanted to give her space to heal and hopefully think about Me and her, not because i wanted to heal - not yet because i think there is Hope Anyway I just want to know what you guys think about it? should i go back to NC or should i remain talking to her?
BCCA Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I honestly think that the longer she can have you to talk to and spend time with, the longer she is going to take to "make her decision". I think she's just stringing you along for some attention. Think about it, if she felt the same way about you as you do about her, you would still be together, right? She's in a great position, you are still within reach, and she owes you nothing because she can retreat behing the 'space' wall. I'm not saying that there isn't any hope at all, but you should do what's best for you right now. Right now the best thing for you is to avoid her until she knows what she wants and its to say she screwed up and come back. Don't let her bait you with chit chat and requests to hang out, those are only to cloud your vision. I would go no contact and worry about yourself. If she wants to come back, she knows where to find you.
Author Arsenic_Child Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Yeah, But Shes Certainly not the type of girl to just String someone On, Shes very straight forward especially with her getting hurt
BCCA Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Yeah, But Shes Certainly not the type of girl to just String someone On, Shes very straight forward especially with her getting hurt There are no signs of the type of person who does that stuff. When people decide to end a relationship, they become extremely selfish. How selfish is it to tell some one who cares about you that it's over for now and you'll get back to them if/when you decide you should? I'm sure she's a great person in a lot of ways. I'm sure she has a lot of good qualities, and you were attracted to her for good reasons. It could just be that you're not meant for each other. Or it could just not be the right time. But you've waited a month and you're in the same spot. Why torture yourself any longer? I would just go no contact and move on. If she wants to come back, nothing will stop her, trust me.
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Yeah, But Shes Certainly not the type of girl to just String someone On, Shes very straight forward especially with her getting hurt I'd disagree that she is straight forward.... There are plenty of doc's out there that she could have consulted- but she chose to contact you for your aunt's number. That's not just a random thing. If I was done with someone, I wouldn't call them for info.... I think she was just fishing to see if you are still interested because you started following through with the NC which OBVIOULSY DID HAVE AN EFFECT. I'd go straight back into the NC until she makes up her mind. Nothing negates the concept of NC- and the possibile benefits- than being immediately available to their beck and call. I know you like her and want to be with her- but she NEEDS to make up her mind about what she wants. Her recent behaviour tells you she IS struggling with her decision... That's good! But everytime you remain available... you prolong the process of her figuring things out. It's your absence and lack of accessibility that forces the decision making process. Right now, she's fallen back into that comfortable position of knowing she can carry on being flakey- because she knows you are available to her when she wants you to be. YES- NC is important to follow through on. One of thwo things will happen. She will have the opportunity to think things through and decide what she wants - or - the relationship will not continue, in which case you have started your course of healing. It needs to be one way or the other- she wants to be with you or she doesn't. As long as she isn't sure... you are not only at a disadvantage- but you are in a position to get hurt as you remain in relationship limbo. I have a strong rule. When someone tells me they are not sure about what they want- I take off. I leave it behind. If they want to come back- they will have to work for me. I can't do the limbo thing though- it hurts too much. And when you pine for them more than they are pining for you- you totally lose your power over the situation. I say- when someone says- I need space, or I am not sure.... It's always best to back off totally. if they really want to change things- they will come back strong- nothing will get in the way. If they choose to move on- by doing NC, you have already begun to adapt the idea they are never coming back....and that helps with healing. What does she want really? I'd bet she doesn't know yet. More reason to stay away from her until she makes up her mind.
sedgwick Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 There are plenty of doc's out there that she could have consulted- but she chose to contact you for your aunt's number. Agreed. Unless your aunt was her primary care physician and she somehow lost the number and had no access to the internet or a phone book, she could have called another doctor.
ioncebelieved Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 There are no signs of the type of person who does that stuff. When people decide to end a relationship, they become extremely selfish. How selfish is it to tell some one who cares about you that it's over for now and you'll get back to them if/when you decide you should? I'm sure she's a great person in a lot of ways. I'm sure she has a lot of good qualities, and you were attracted to her for good reasons. It could just be that you're not meant for each other. Or it could just not be the right time. But you've waited a month and you're in the same spot. Why torture yourself any longer? I would just go no contact and move on. If she wants to come back, nothing will stop her, trust me. I totally agree with this!! I thought my ex was not the type!!! Most people that seem, "not the type" usually may not be, however, if things start working for them they can be the type regardless of the notions we have about them. That thinking is what got me so screwed up in the first place because I thought my ex was almost perfect, wholesome and not the type. I strongly suggest you get that mentality out of your mind unless you want to continue down the road to ruin!!! Never underestimate anyone in their capabilities. When you do, you set yourself up for a world of hurt.
Author Arsenic_Child Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Maybe You guys are right, she hasn't contacted me all day maybe she just wanted to see if i really went NC or not
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