Feminism and weakening religion are the cause of increasing divorce rates

[Kamille]

Ok lets me ask this.

 

Are their traits that would make someone a good friend? A good teacher? A good mother or father? Are they fairly universal? Or all completely different?

I would say they are fairly universal.

 

But when it comes to marriage, there is no universal way on how to be a good husband, or a good wife? Men and women also do not have different needs, or are not suited better for certain roles? It is all just up in the air completely?

 

Well teachers are a good example: do you know any two teachers who have the same teaching styles? Have you ever loved a teacher one of your friends hated? I teach and I know that in college, people are looking for different criterias in teachers. So basically, while the act of teaching is pretty much defined, there are many teaching styles. And teaching has changed a lot over the years, from magistral methods to inductive methods (because, it so happens learners differ as well...)

 

And no I never said relationships and what makes them good is all up in the air. I think we all look for different relationship styles and that's why what works for you and Caroline doesn't work for me. Or for my ex (who I will use as an example to illustrate what kind of relationship works for me). Do I seek sexual chemestry? Yes. Do I respect and trust my partner? Yes. Does he me? yes. Does he expect me to "know my role": no. Does he help with the dishes? Yes and it was more like I helped him with the dishes. We defined what made us work together.

 

FYI: we broke up because of distance.

 

Basically I've always thought that a good relationship happens when two people's defintion of love and relationship converge.

[vonerik012]

Kamille, what is wrong with knowing your place or role in the relationship? What is wrong with the man knowing his place or role?

 

Personally I like structure and think it has its benefits. It works good in a company, works good in a classroom, and in a relationship.

 

Do i want to live a life of controlled chaos just so I do half of everything?

 

Example, if a woman is going to cook for me, don't ask me to do the dishes. That's just lame. If I am going to take you to dinner, i will drive and pay. I will not ask to split driving, split the check, etc.

[Kamille]

Kamille, what is wrong with knowing your place or role in the relationship? What is wrong with the man knowing his place or role?

 

Personally I like structure and think it has its benefits. It works good in a company, works good in a classroom, and in a relationship.

 

Do i want to live a life of controlled chaos just so I do half of everything?

 

Example, if a woman is going to cook for me, don't ask me to do the dishes. That's just lame. If I am going to take you to dinner, i will drive and pay. I will not ask to split driving, split the check, etc.

 

Well that's my point. It isn't wrong but not every relationship has to be like that.

 

If structure is what you want, then good for you.

 

It isn't what I need and it isn't how my past relationships have unfolded.

 

There's enough room on this planet, and enough people in the dating world, for both of us to find partners that are suited for us, without either of us having to convince the other to change.

[almost famous]

She would have a stronger sex drive if her husband focused on orally and sexually satisfying her, too. This is not happening. He is not really trying. It is all about him receiving physical pleasure.

 

In a loving, caring relationship, it's not about serving the other person, it's about really wanting to mutually please each other. If he tried, he would show that he really loved her. He doesn't seem to be trying back and just lays back and gets his pleasure.

 

This is not a loving, caring relationship.

[Tomcat33]

Oh and one more thing on the BJ every night deal.

 

This woman is not even claiming sex or lovemaking is what keeps their marriage together but the fact that she makes herself give her husband a blow job even when she doesn't feel like it says it all right there.

There is no talk of lovemaking in this marriage, a man can get the exact same thing from jerking off to porn every night, of course it is much nicer to have a mouth around his penis.

 

But not only does she concentrate on one act and one act only, and the act alone says nothing about their level of intimacy other than the fact that she will perform this particular act rain or shine, but then she goes on to throw RELIGION into the mix. Clearly she knows nothing about religion because in any religion you speak of the focus in a marriage is of the sharing of intimacy in sex in an all encompassing act not in one rather inpersonal one. In a connection via love making not via a jerk off. When couple is making love, or having sex or screwing whatever you want to call it, they are connecting they are sharing more than just an act of sex, they are connecting from the inside out. If a blowjob is the norm and the expected duty for sex around her household what is used as a preamble and foreplay to more intimate sex fisting?

 

 

 

 

A blow job is nothing more than that, you don't need to feel ANYTHING at all to perform a blowjob as clearly she already stated, she more often than not feels nothing but it IS HER ROLE.

 

Gees with all the men who are willing to settle for so little from a woman I wonder why more men dont just have prostitutes for girfriends, heck they don't even have to kiss them and they know their place.

[Woggle]

Woggle, do you seriously mean to tell me that you think this is a "loving relationship?" One in which a woman will provide the obligatory blow job even through the pain of a pounding headache simply because it is her "duty?" Ish.

 

If she is happy and he is happy then yes it is loving. Men do things for our families even though sometimes we are tired and don't feel good so how is this any different? It just seems that feminists call any woman who isn't cheating on her husband or treating him like garbage a doormat. Women demand respect in relationships but so few of them are willing to give it.

[Tomcat33]

If she is happy and he is happy then yes it is loving. Men do things for our families even though sometimes we are tired and don't feel good so how is this any different? It just seems that feminists call any woman who isn't cheating on her husband or treating him like garbage a doormat. Women demand respect in relationships but so few of them are willing to give it.

 

 

So the only form of respect a woman can offer you is to blow you every night? Does your W blow you every single night? And if not how do you still respect her?

[Woggle]

So the only form of respect a woman can offer you is to blow you every night? Does your W blow you every single night? And if not how do you still respect her?

 

No but if a woman even gives her husband a kiss in the morning instead of putting him down feminists will consider her weak. If a woman is faithful feminists consider her weak.

[Walk]

Kamille, what is wrong with knowing your place or role in the relationship? What is wrong with the man knowing his place or role?

 

Personally I like structure and think it has its benefits. It works good in a company, works good in a classroom, and in a relationship.

 

Do i want to live a life of controlled chaos just so I do half of everything?

 

Example, if a woman is going to cook for me, don't ask me to do the dishes. That's just lame. If I am going to take you to dinner, i will drive and pay. I will not ask to split driving, split the check, etc.

 

My H and I have roles in our relationship. But "we" defined them. We discussed what each of us wanted, what was important, and then adopted roles to benefit and support the others needs.

 

As far as that cooking example... to echo your words, "that's just lame". I expect my H to do the dishes after I cook. I expect it because he expects that from me. If someone puts in the time and effort to cook for you, then you should be willing to do a bit of cleaning. Same goes for dinners out. If he pays, I'll drive and catch that tip. If I pay, he'll offer to drive and catch the tip. We share. It's not all lumped onto one persons shoulders to carry the load.

 

I know my role. But it is definitely not defined by you, by the OP, or by some third party who has no part in the relationship I share with my H.

[Walk]

On a side note: I read about that couple that had sex for 100 days. I tried to get my H to commit to that with me. He nearly had a stroke. He said he liked the offer, but he didn't have the libido nor the energy, to carry that off. He laughed about it for nearly 2 days. He thought I was insane for suggesting the marathon sex-fest.

 

I like the OPs premise that you do something unselfishly for your partner because it will make your partner happy. However, I know her specific methods will not work in my relationship.

[Tomcat33]

No but if a woman even gives her husband a kiss in the morning instead of putting him down feminists will consider her weak. If a woman is faithful feminists consider her weak.

 

Really? Where do you get this from? Well I can't speak for feminists but I would not imagine waking up next to the man I love an and not filling his sleepy face with kisses. C'mon Wog that's a bit off. I don't know any woman that would think it's weak to be affectionate!?!

I dunnow I come from a very affectionate family and we are all very demostrative with each other it's what I saw growing up and that is how my parents even conduct themselves now, we joke about with my syblings and tell them to "get a room" and it just so happens every single man I fell in love with happened to be the same way, super affectionate.

 

So I think it has more to do with upbringing than it does with some stance of feminism!?!

 

 

Furthermore how is that weak?

 

If a woman is faithful it is the way it SHOULD be if she decided to become committed to a man. See this is where the loose morals come into play. Funny because you tell us your W doesn't give you a mechanical BJ every night but I bet she is not battling infidelity every day either, otherwise why would you be with her? On the same token this does not mean you don't have a fullfilling and great sexual connection.

 

Let me ask you that, would getting a BJ from your W every single night wether she wants it or not really make her the perfect W if you knew she was off fighting the urges to feck other men?

 

Answer truthfully, you are a guy and you are married and i would love your opinion on this.

[Tomcat33]

On a side note: I read about that couple that had sex for 100 days. I tried to get my H to commit to that with me. He nearly had a stroke. He said he liked the offer, but he didn't have the libido nor the energy, to carry that off. He laughed about it for nearly 2 days. He thought I was insane for suggesting the marathon sex-fest.

 

 

NO KIDDING! :lmao:

Now go ask your H if he wants you to give him a BJ for 100 days, all he has to do is sit back and rain or shine you blow him off, and come back and tell us what his answer is.

[Woggle]

You are fixating on the BJ thing but it is the gist of what the OP is saying that I agree with. All she is saying is that a woman should be willing to give what she demands of a man which is a concept that many women don't seem to get.

[Noos]

Ah feminism - the radical notion that women are in fact human beings who have feelings and opinions - not doormats.

 

I want to be in a relationship where roles are not structured according to gender.

 

There are very few jobs, including in the home, that require a penis or a vagina.

[vonerik012]

Woggle, exactly..

 

And this also depends on how you look at it. Many men get married, and within a year their wives no longer want sex. They might be going through a phase, just have a low drive, who knows. If this is the case, then this woman is a saint. Not all women want to have sex as much as the common man. The least she could do is give him that bj, whether she wants to or not. It takes a whole 10 minutes. Or would you prefer her to say "No, I am not in the mood!!!"

 

Walk, nobody is telling you what to do, or cares. I for one would never date a micromanaging tit-for-tat woman such as yourself. Actually have to split driving, tipping, paying, cooking , cleaning, lol. I would rather be a man, than be told I must tip if you pay, or must drive if you pay, or must pay if you drive, or must clean if you cook, or must cook if you clean, lol.

 

Some married men cannot wait to get home from work, and some married men delay it as much as possible. What you think might be working so great, might actually not be.

[Woggle]

Ah feminism - the radical notion that women are in fact human beings who have feelings and opinions - not doormats.

 

I want to be in a relationship where roles are not structured according to gender.

 

There are very few jobs, including in the home, that require a penis or a vagina.

 

Feminism is the notion that men are not human beings.

[Tomcat33]

You are fixating on the BJ thing but it is the gist of what the OP is saying that I agree with. All she is saying is that a woman should be willing to give what she demands of a man which is a concept that many women don't seem to get.

 

 

Ok but answer the question, I am fixating on it as much as anyone on this this thread is because that is what the thread is about, well that and the fact that she can't help her feelings to want to cheat.

 

So:

 

Would getting a BJ from your W every single night wether she wants it or not really make her the perfect W if you knew she was off fighting the urges to feck other men?

 

[Woggle]

No it would not make her the perfect wife. The fact that she actually cares about me as a human being and doesn't see me as nothing more than a paycheck and some sperm is proof that she is a good wife.

[Kamille]

 

Some married men cannot wait to get home from work, and some married men delay it as much as possible. What you think might be working so great, might actually not be.

 

Or might be working great for Walk. What's it to you? Why would it bother you that her relationships works for her and her boyfriend? Why did you feel compelled to put it down?

[Kamille]

No it would not make her the perfect wife. The fact that she actually cares about me as a human being and doesn't see me as nothing more than a paycheck and some sperm is proof that she is a good wife.

 

See, I feel pretty much the same way: what will make my future partner a great partner will be the fact that he'll actually care about me as a human being and won't see me as a mere maid and blowjob dispenser.

 

I don't see what feminists have to do with it.

[Tomcat33]

No it would not make her the perfect wife. The fact that she actually cares about me as a human being and doesn't see me as nothing more than a paycheck and some sperm is proof that she is a good wife.

 

 

Cool that is along the lines of the answer I would expect from a man that has his head on straight.

 

You see when it comes down to it men and women are really not all that different in terms of what we want and what we need to feel validated and ultimately loved and respected in a relationshp. Then there is all the other extremes of people that claim to have the answer to a perfect relationship when in fact they haven't even scratched the surface.

 

 

 

I suppose some of us have a more acute radar for reading between the lines and seeing bullshiiit for what it is.

[vonerik012]

See, I feel pretty much the same way: what will make my future partner a great partner will be the fact that he'll actually care about me as a human being and won't see me as a mere maid and blowjob dispenser.

 

I don't see what feminists have to do with it.

 

Kamille, if you future partner wants to quit working and take care of the home are you ok with that? Then you are the full breadwinner for the rest of your lives.

 

If not, why not? You are equals right? No roles need to be defined.

[Kamille]

Kamille, if you future partner wants to quit working and take care of the home are you ok with that? Then you are the full breadwinner for the rest of your lives.

 

If not, why not? You are equals right? No roles need to be defined.

 

Some woment wouldn't be ok with that. I will grant you that.

 

I was dating a man who really enjoyed one thing in life: staying home with his nephew and working on different projects around the home. It never bothered me and I even thought at the time: a stay at home dad would be the perfect arrangement for me (my career can be quite demanding).

 

So no it wouldn't bother me to be the full breadwinner of a relationship for the rest of "our" lives.

 

And I'm not lying about that one.

 

I also have a few friends who are the main breadwinners to their artists or student boyfriends. In my group, being the main 'breadwinner' isn't gender defined.

[vonerik012]

LOL come on....B.S.

 

You are expecting me to believe women do not care if a man works or not? Now it is really ridiculous. If that is true, it is true for a VERY small percentage of females.

 

It's funny, because many women even prefer you have a nice car, and now you are telling me they really do not care if they support you for the rest of their lives. BS.

 

My perception is that men are STILL expected to be a steady breadwinner, much more so than women. This is from the old fashioned traditional ways.

 

But now, women also seem to feel cooking, cleaning, etc must be split down the middle.

 

Men still work and largely support women, in most cases. Then they should have to come home and split chores? Or, let the man stay home, and he will do the chores while the female pays the bills. Women would not care for that idea very much.

 

So what happens? Kids are raised by day care, people eat crap food, and everyone is too tired from working ..Great life.

[Lovelybird]

Well, God does play a very vital role in happy marriages, not any god, but true living God.

 

If a woman finds a man who love God and obey God, then she is really a happy wife. I saw many such man's wife are very very happy and their husband treat them like princess

 

Look at the scripture says:

 

(Bible)Eph 5:33 But it also applies to you: every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.

 

1 Cor 7:4A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.

 

If a man is a holy spirit filled, and he has a close relationship with God, listen to God's voice. When he does something wrong to his wife, the Holy Spirit will convince him and change him, because God takes his daughter seriously. I think a kingdom woman who has a real godly husband is the most happy one

 

God made man to be man, woman to be woman. When woman does things fit into her original design, then she will be a happy and confident woman, not a bitter hard woman. When man does things fit into his original design, he will feel masculin and confident.

 

I think everyone wants to have a good fulfilling loving relationship, but many don't know how to get it, especially people here, otherwise they won't be here and being single . Some resort to controlling, some resort to abusing, some resort to manipulating, some resort to sexual seduction. but all these are futile efforts and only make things worse. The secret to a happy relationship is lying in Bible, and wisdom of God.