TeTe Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I am in a relationship that is about 5 months old. My boyfriend is divorced, but before divorcing had mutual friends with his ex-wife. They all are a part of a baseball team for their sons. Before divorcing he was really good friends with this one woman and it turned into sexy conversation via email and was speaking sexy to him as well when they were on the phone and in person. Since we have been dating, he has been open about this woman talking to him like that and insists that he has stopped talking to her in this manner. I told him that I didn't approve of them talking sexual at all in an way from the start. So in the past few months we have had many discussions about their friendship. While I don't disapprove of their friendship, I do not approve of any sexual talk between the two of them. This made the woman very angry at me and him. She called me lots of nasty names. She says that this won't allow her to be herself, that she is a very open loving person. She insisted that she must be free to express herself to him in this manor to be his friend. Also that if she stops this "silly sex talk" (this is how my boyfriend describes it), that it won't be the same with their their friendship. I asked him just how silly was it and exactly what was their "silly talk" like. He said that he would say my dick was hard and her pussy was wet and such. He insisted that these things didn't do anything for him and I asked him, why do it then. He said he was lonely in his marriage at the time and they were just friends. This woman is married like I said before, but they claim its an open marriage. Her husband also flirts with other woman, and they claim they have a great marriage. While I know this is possible with some people and their beliefs I don't think its at all appropriate for her to want to even talk that way to my boyfriend in order to be herself. OK hit me with some advice my friends!
vertigocidic Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I don't even know where to begin, how thrashy your husband's little friend is, or how passive he is and probably loves her attention. If I were you, I'd put my foot down. This "friendship" is terribly inappropriate, and I hate having to be the party pooper for other people, but I would seriously talk to your hubby about this and tell him that you'd like it if they could atleast stop the sex talk. If she continues or has an issue, you and your hubby can ignore her. If he doesn't want to work it out with you, however, as hard as this sound, you should stop doing the talk and start doing the walk.
Author TeTe Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 We are not married by the way. I agree with that and have expressed my opinion to him. He is very "bent" on keeping this woman as his friend and wants her and I to meet and "talk things out". I am very uncomfortable about this because she already has a really bad attitude about me. I will do with he says, bring my own car so I can leave if things start to get too uncomfortable. He says we have a bad attitude towards each other. My point there was... what am I going to do, sit there and smile while she calls me slut and whore? I don't think so. He insists that he is on my side and will be, even if he has to drop her (as of out conversations about the matter last night) I am just puzzled on why just a friend has to talk sexual to someone to be "themself". He said this already happened with her and another WOMAN. The woman's boyfriend told her that they had to quit talking to one another like that too and she was devistation that this is happening again. I just don't understand why he has to even be friends with someone like this. I told him he needs new friends.
JoeNewbie Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I am just puzzled on why just a friend has to talk sexual to someone to be "themself". I am not saying I approve or disapprove of their friendship but the fact remains that they were friends before you two became a couple.
nicki Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 This "friend" is no friend. Friends support a relationship, not try to destroy it. It's not innocent from her side. She is insinuating herself into your relationship and trying to gain power. Don't go talk to her! That just feeds into her need for power and recognition as a force in YOUR relationship. Really, this is up to your boyfriend to handle. He needs to tell her that he wants to focus on his relationship with you and can no longer be friends with her (even though it's not "friends" at all.) He needs to pick you over her, and show her this. He should be protective of your relationship from outside sources. Once you identify a threat and express concern, you would hope that he would act on it. He isn't, so I would have to wonder why? Does he get an ego hit from her attention? Ask him what he gets out of this relationship. Tell him that you want his energy going into you two as a couple. Bottom line: tell him that you will not meet this woman. She is no friend to either of you. Ask him to cut things off. It's not a healthy situation, and one that won't allow your relationship to grow. Ask him to call her in front of you to talk to her. Request that he use "We" in his conversation with her, as in "We would like time alone to develop our relationship. Please leave us alone. We wish you well....etc..." He should also be prepared to tell her what he will do if she continues contact, as in "I will not take any more calls from you or respond to any emails." I don't know if he is willing to do this or not, but she is messed up and messing with your relationship. If he's too stupid to see it and act on it, you may well have to walk away as another poster said.... What do you want?
nicki Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Oh, and yeah, I tell all my male friends how wet my p*ssy is. That's ridiculous. And if my boyfriend ever told a woman how hard his d*ck is, then I would assume he wants to have sex with her. Your boyfriend's behavior is way off base. Don't let him convince you otherwise. Friends don't talk to eachother this way. Only sexually interested people do. And, if by some crazy chance he is simply so passive that he can't say no to this kind of talk even though he's not interested, then he's the biggest wimp in the world. He would fall for anything, and never defend you or your relationship.
Beautyisskindeep Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Sounds like this friend is willing to try to act differently. Maybe she should be given a chance. Some people are just naturally flirtatious.
Author TeTe Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Where in here did I say she was willing act differently? I don't recall that. All I have heard for months was how much she disliked me and what a terrible person I was for taking away her "just a so called friend". It was his decision to spend time with me. I didn't force him to. He claims he has given her chances all along. I have never said I wasn't willing to talk to her and give her a chance. She is the one that "needs time to think to work it out". Thats the last I heard today. All I ask for is that there be no sex talk between them. Why would this be a problem? I know plenty of people that are my friends and we never talk about sex. Oh the part of being naturally flirtatious... hmmm I guess I should just try that then. It must be something great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You'reasian Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Oh, and yeah, I tell all my male friends how wet my p*ssy is. That's ridiculous. And if my boyfriend ever told a woman how hard his d*ck is, then I would assume he wants to have sex with her.. Your assumption would be spot on. I'd NEVER talk to a girl that way who wasn't my girlfriend. Your boyfriend's behavior is way off base. Don't let him convince you otherwise. Friends don't talk to eachother this way. Only sexually interested people do. And, if by some crazy chance he is simply so passive that he can't say no to this kind of talk even though he's not interested, then he's the biggest wimp in the world. He would fall for anything, and never defend you or your relationship. Bravo!
Author TeTe Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 I will meet this woman and her husband and see what they have to say. Although the woman said she needed "time to think about it". It will be interesting to see what will be said. This will be a make it or break it meeting depending on reactions to all parties and especially I will be interested to see how my boyfriend reacts. For myself I will remain calm and I will rise above with dignity.
nicki Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Oh, good luck. I hope you will defend yourself if necessary. Stay strong and lay down some boundaries. Youreasian said it too: he wouldn't talk dirty to a woman unless he was sexually interested in her. Please keep that in mind. I hope they all don't gang up on you emotionally. I will bet that your guy and this other women will team up against you....so maybe see if the woman's husband is on your side...it's not healthy for his relationship either!
Author TeTe Posted September 5, 2008 Author Posted September 5, 2008 Thank you. I certainly will be strong. I am still waiting on the meeting. I guess that will depend on her to make the move to arrange to meet. I am still waiting. In general everyone on the planet would say ("he wouldn't talk dirty to a woman unless he was sexually interested in her"). I guess my boyfriend must be the exception. Right? Anyway, he says now he doesn't do that anymore and won't. The "friend" is the one having the problem with her having to change her ways of talking to my boyfriend. Because she doesn't think she should have to change, if he was a true friend. Thats why all the drama, because he told her I didn't think thats right. I still have to wonder why she would cry over "a friend" on the phone. I can't think of anyone I would be that emotionally attached to cry to them on the phone about anything. Unless of course I was in love with that person romantically.
Lucky_One Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Maybe they are buttering you up for a threesome?
Author TeTe Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Gross. LOL I think not.:sick::sick:
Author TeTe Posted October 7, 2008 Author Posted October 7, 2008 last night my boyfriend eagerly showed me an email from his woman friend. She finally emailed him after about a month seeing if he wanted to still be friends. She was saying how he never comes by their house anymore. “How do you like my new photos on my profile?” “Do you like the way I did my friend’s hair and how do you think we look in the photos?” He emailed her back and brought up the fact that she was more friends with his ex wife and how she made sure he knew how much she didn’t like me. She responded by saying that she was willing for all of us to meet (her, her husband, me and my boyfriend). So he mentioned to me that the only day he had was this Sunday. It will be interesting to see if he includes me on this visit. It wasn’t really clearly talked about between him and I whether he meant I would be going or not. I just don’t know if I can take it if they start getting to be close friends again, knowing that he talked to her sexually in the past. As I said before, she was angry because I told my boyfriend that I wouldn’t stay around if they were to talk to one another that way. He told her this and she call me nasty names.
sweet&simple Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 Maybe I'm confused or I'm missing something here.. but.. why are you even doing this? They are not friends. Friends do not talk to each other in a sexual manner, let alone on a regular basis. All of my friends are guys, and I would NEVER cross that line with any of them because I RESPECT my boyfriend and MYSELF. Seriously.. it's pretty obvious your boyfriend doesn't have much respect for you [your other post points to it too] and this woman is obviously insecure if she thinks she has to be "sexual" with guys just to get them to be her friends [trust me, that's not all she wants.] And an open marriage? Hah. Don't get involved with people like that. Do not go meet with them. There is no reason for your bf to continue a "friendship" with her. You shouldn't be put in a situation where they force you to try and accept it and be ok with it. Do you honestly think that if you go to meet them you'll feel any better about this? Do you think if you're STILL not ok with it your boyfriend will end the friendship? Both are doubtful.
Author TeTe Posted November 5, 2008 Author Posted November 5, 2008 The other night my boyfriend was picking up his son where this woman was (she was there with her husband/family) and when he came to the car, told me that his friend was there. I asked if we could meet then. No time like the present... he went back to the place and said he had someone that he would like for her to meet and she made up some excuse about her clothes and hair and said no, she didn't want to meet me right then.
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