Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 I've been a silent reader in most of your other threads...but HOLY girl....you need to get a grip on reality. If this guy was into you, he'd be calling more than what he's doing. Just LET IT GO!!!! Seriously, for the sake of any self-respect you may have... if he wasnt into me - why would he contact me at all????? thats what i dont get???
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 SD - being serious here, I went out and ran a quick Google search on "dating appear desperate" and saw tons of advice like: The first several dates, try to keep things "normal" and don't talk too much about "us" or a relationship.Call once, leave a message, then do not contact them again until they return the message. Calling again makes you look desperate.Don't call for at least one day after the date unless you had sex so you don't appear to anxious to see her again.If you ask her for a date and she says no, see if a different time will work. If she says no to that too, leave her alone because she is not interested.I think what you expect is too much attention for most women to be comfortable with this early in a dating relationship and most men won't do it in order to not appear to desperate for attention. At this point in the game, he needs to appear willing to walk away if you don't encourage him to keep trying. Heck, in order to not be totally creepy, he'd better not just appear willing, he'd better BE willing to walk away. yes - but he just texted me and then i said i needed more notice - i was hinting to arrange something for tommorow....or i do what i did last week get done up on silent standby!its normal isnt it to give more then 2 mins notice?
KinAZ Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 yes - but he just texted me and then i said i needed more notice - i was hinting to arrange something for tommorow....or i do what i did last week get done up on silent standby!its normal isnt it to give more then 2 mins notice? And I thought I had it bad. This guy is giving you the flux! First of all, drink a Corona and chiiiiiiiiiilll. OK? I know the feeling, and it never looks good on us. Trust me. There are a million and one possibilities here. It could be that he doesn't want to be overly eager, it could be that's a slow mover with a busy schedule, it could be that he's dating one or more other people. I'm all off into signs and such, and there's a particular sign in the zodiac which could give me gray hairs because they really do take their sweet time. I'm more fiery, highly energetic... either you like me or you don't. No... not planning a future here, but no need to play around about your interests. For me, it should be (as it usually is) that black and white. The bottom line is that if he is just a slow mover or one who doesn't want to appear overly eager... you'll need to be more direct. Telling him "you need to give more notice" isn't telling him "I want to see you tomorrow." You know? I understand what you're doing, and you're probably used to the guy yapping at your heel! This one isn't doing it, and so it's rather confusing. I can relate... So, in the end, you'll either have to put your ego down and be upfront about it, or walk away from this one. Carhill gave me advice about my situations before, and he was actually right. Haha! Here's the thing, if he's a multiple dater or not trying to get too close, you might hear some excuses out of him, some defensiveness from him, and so on. If he's just hanging around waiting for a little clarity from you, he'll more than likely be more receptive, and maybe even more assertive once he gets it. No, I haven't worked all the kinks out of my infatuation yet, as I'm just not used to being the .... hunter. However, I will say this, even using a little humor and being a little coy about my interests, worked VERY well because I made my interest more clear. So, it did get him moving a little. I also took the opportunity to plainly state that I was interested, and when asked why I was MIA then... I just let him know that I hadn't heard from him and I didn't know his situation, if I was clear at all in my interests, or if he was really interested, so I hadn't contacted him. There are apparently men in the world who expect women to be the aggressors, I guess. Or at least want some certainty before they invest more into her... If you want it THAT badly, then you'll have to go get it. Don't throw yourself at his feet or anything, but just let him know in simple terms that you want to see him. If you don't get crazy excuses from him and such, he may just be a slow mover. If he is in fact a slow one... you'll either have to get used to waiting, or find a more suitable match, as such a man can have you ready to pull your hair out. There are men who don't send little cutesie hugs in their text messages, who aren't overly mushy. And it's not because they're not interested in you, but merely because they're just not those types of guys. Some guys don't like texting at all. Yes, there are even *gasp* men who don't hold the doors open. Such things drive me up the wall, and realistically... I either have to accept a guy the way he is, or find someone who does all of the sweet nice cute things I've gotten used to.
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 Thanks Kinaz. I feel i have got to the stage where i need to ask him somehow if we are meeting this weekend or not? how can i phrase this OR i will be waiting around? I need to take control. If his answer is vague - i know he is probably seeing other women.....or isnt that into me... he DID want to meet today - i think but it was an offchance thing - which i dont like....it means he couldnt care less. ideas please
xpaperxcutx Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 yes - but he just texted me and then i said i needed more notice - i was hinting to arrange something for tommorow....or i do what i did last week get done up on silent standby!its normal isnt it to give more then 2 mins notice? Did you even read my last post? So_gutted, why are you playing hard to get? you want to date the guy, yet when he asks you out you turn him down. What do you want from this guy? You keep asking us for answers, but when the answer is presented in front of you, you choose to ignore it.
KinAZ Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 Tell him that you're free on Friday, for example, and that you'd like to see him. If he needs reassurance, that should give it to him. Or you could tell him that you were planning to go.... to the zoo or something and say that it would be nice if he could join you or something. It's clear without saying "Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow?" and also letting him know that you're interested in seeing him specifically. You're not technically asking him out, but you're letting him know that you want to go out with him.
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 im not playing hard to get. I just dont want to: appear desperate sleep with him turn up again at his beck and call I DO WANT TO : arrange a date.....
xpaperxcutx Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 im not playing hard to get. I just dont want to: appear desperate sleep with him turn up again at his beck and call I DO WANT TO : arrange a date..... Technically, you're being a bit desperate. But you've turned him down at least 3 times now right? So maybe you should just initiate the next date. Call him at a time you deem appropriate, and ask him if he's free this friday or the weekend to go out with you? Keep the conversation simple and light, and end it with See you then, etc. That way you're not appearing desperate or confrontational with his lackluster behavior.
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 ok i think he is working hard coz i jsut spoke to him and kept yawning and siad that because he doesnt get much notice at work - he will have to keep trying his luck ( no notice)..... i dont doubt his story - ( i think) but what does the future hold if he is working this hard?
KinAZ Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 You'll either have to be flexible or find someone who better meets you needs...
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 im suspicious in a way because i have no assurances and i feel i ma pushing him.....which will make me angry again... this is hard.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 ok i think he is working hard coz i jsut spoke to him and kept yawning and siad that because he doesnt get much notice at work - he will have to keep trying his luck ( no notice)..... i dont doubt his story - ( i think) but what does the future hold if he is working this hard? Did you ask him if he was free for a date?
Author so gutted Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 i said i would like to see more of him (in a text afterwards - when the conversation didnt go that way). he was so tired i felt like the conversation was a strain. his industry is very demanding AND he also said this is part of the reason why his marraige broke up ....they were both too bust with careers etc.... SO WHY HASNT HE LEARNT
stillafool Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 im not playing hard to get. I just dont want to: appear desperate sleep with him turn up again at his beck and call I DO WANT TO : arrange a date..... Then chill out! You sound like you are already head over heels in love with this guy.
djhall Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 yes - but he just texted me and then i said i needed more notice - i was hinting to arrange something for tommorow....or i do what i did last week get done up on silent standby!its normal isnt it to give more then 2 mins notice? Typically, yes, you give more notice, but sometimes he might think it better to try for short notice than not to try at all. If you were hinting to arrange something for tommorrow, I would suggest you stop hinting and just say so. Why not say, "I'm really glad you invited me, and I would love to be able to go, but I'm afraid I can't make it on such short notice. Could we set something up for tommorrow instead?" That establishes that you are receptive to his efforts and gives him suggestions as to what you would be able to say yes to.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 i said i would like to see more of him (in a text afterwards - when the conversation didnt go that way). he was so tired i felt like the conversation was a strain. his industry is very demanding AND he also said this is part of the reason why his marraige broke up ....they were both too bust with careers etc.... SO WHY HASNT HE LEARNT What is there for him to learn? That's his job, and it paid well, then he wouldn't mind the extra back pains and all. Never bring up the suggestion of a date through text, I did that once and I never got a reply. Try calling him again tonight when he's home and actually has time to make conversation with you. Make it at least a 15 minute phone call, not too long and not too short. You have to be straightforward with him and actually ask him if he's free. Don't play around with hints, it'll only make the both of you frustrated.
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