7 months and still sad...

[pr-girl]

I just can't seem to get through this. Why do I still think of him? Miss him? Love him? Yurn for him? I'm just so sad.

[0hpenelope]

When the going gets tough, the tough get going right?

 

I have my moments, too. I think you're a little ahead of me in the count (I'm assuming 7 months also equals the # of time you've gone NC with the ex, am I right?)

 

I have difficult days, but I'm moving on. I'm nowhere near ready for a new relationship, but I've busied myself with a bunch of other activities. When the feeling comes over me, instead of fighting against it, I just accept it. I've found that when I do that, it's easier to shake the feeling off and then I regain my focus on my task faster.

 

Ahh, recovery takes time. But I'm having a blast while I'm at it.

[wareagle]

I'm almost 6 months out and I am having a hard time as of lately as well! Don't know exactly why but it sucks ass!! I think I went through the anger stage, so what stage is this? I just want to move on completely and forget about her!!

[pr-girl]

I'm assuming 7 months also equals the # of time you've gone NC with the ex, am I right?

 

 

We are in contact about every 3-4 weeks. Usually text or email. Once every few months, phone.

 

I'll be moving to LA (where he lives) by next year and it's going to be even more difficult for me not to see him.

 

We broke up in February, saw each other in April - all feelings came back for both of us - and maintained NC for 3 months. Then, I broke down and reached out. To him, I seemed all together - but, to me - to me... I was a mess.

 

I know I should maintain NC with him, but I love him - and a part of me is happier when I talk to him. He is very depressed and I want to know he's alright. I realize it's not "my job" anymore, but I can't just stop caring.

 

The hardest part for me is that I hardly ever fall for anyone. VERY rarely. BUT, when I do... I fall HARD. I am still in love with him and we don't even see each other (we live in different states.)

 

Is this more ego or heartbreak? I try to keep busy, but all I want to do is stay in bed and cry, shower and cry, think of him and cry.

 

I know I sound pathetic, but I want to be honest and see if anyone else knows what I'm feeling. I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I can't even date other men. They never compare.

 

(For those who aren't aware of the situation: My ex and I broke up over an LDR - not because we didn't care for each other.)

[lovely81]

Aw!

When I didn't feel I was progressing quickly enough, I was able to always look back and see how I had progressed. From crying every night, to crying once a week, to crying every two weeks. Sure, it wasn't as good as never thinking about it anymore, but it was progress. If you've been getting better and better, it means you WILL get entirely better one day. And you will.

Everyone gets through it.

But PS it's easier when you stop talking. (I know you know)

[sedgwick]

I love, miss, and yearn for mine, too, and it's been almost 14 months now. I love him every bit as much as I did the minute he left. At this point I am making peace with the fact that I'll never be over him and will always be alone. I am envious of people who get to be with the one they love -- the best I will ever get is to feel it from afar. For whatever reason, that is my lot in life.

 

I'm trying to tell myself that it's better to love someone who doesn't love me back than to never have loved at all. At least I get to be in love, right? It's just that I never get to know what it feels like to have that reciprocated. Nobody will ever compare to the man I love, but I just wasn't good enough for him. It was all my fault, not his. I am working hard on forgiving myself, but it's very hard.

 

I've stopped trying to get over him, and I've absolutely stopped trying to meet anyone new. There are other good things in my life. I am trying to make them be enough!

[tealeafbud]

 

I know I sound pathetic, but I want to be honest and see if anyone else knows what I'm feeling. I'm constantly on the verge of tears. I can't even date other men. They never compare.

 

(For those who aren't aware of the situation: My ex and I broke up over an LDR - not because we didn't care for each other.)

 

You don't sound pathetic, but I'm a bit confused since you broke up over LDR, and you know for sure you're moving there next year? I really had no idea it was purely because of distance, but if you're moving closer, and if you guys still love each other, could you make it work? Sorry, I just need some clarification.

 

If there is no way of it working, then I just have to add that yes, I do feel the way you are feeling sometimes, but I try to act strong. I find sometimes my mind can trick itself to feeling strong and actually feel strong, so faking it actually resolves the problem. And yes, sometimes I think I've made a mistake, but realize that it would never work between us. all rationalization goes out the window when love (or love that once was) is involved.

[pr-girl]

You don't sound pathetic, but I'm a bit confused since you broke up over LDR, and you know for sure you're moving there next year? I really had no idea it was purely because of distance, but if you're moving closer, and if you guys still love each other, could you make it work? Sorry, I just need some clarification.

 

He had such a hard time during the LDR, it was killing him to be apart so we broke it off. I'm moving back to CA for me - I miss the beach, the weather and I'll be closer to the job industry I love. If we try again, I'm afraid he'll come up with another excuse for us to not be together. The reason I say that is - when I made the comment about LD being the only thing keeping us apart, he found other reasons:

 

- He thought I may find him un-ambitious - which is untrue because I love his passion for his music and charity work.

 

- He thought I may find his lack of religion unattractive - which is untrue because I'm not very religious either.

 

- He thought I may want more than the simple life he wants to live. This one is tricky. I'm not high maintenance, but I want certain nice things that I've worked hard for. Not a fancy car or home, but a place near the beach. That's not a lot to ask for since he already lives near the beach.

 

I'm moving there for ME, because I don't think he and I have another chance. I know he cares for me. He ignores friends' calls sometimes because he doesn't feel like talking, but he never ignores me. He always responds to emails or texts. I know he wants to be my friend. I just wish he wanted more. Many friends tell me they think he does, but cannot do the LDR, but to me - actions speak louder than words.

 

I'm just very sad. I had a dream last night. He wasn't in it, but his 2 friends were. I've never met his 2 friends - which makes the dream a bit strange. I don't know what it means, but I awoke sad... again.

[hades07]

I feel you pr-girl, it's been 3 months for me and my ex and I was doing really good for awhile now the last couple of weeks I'm not doing so well again. You definitely are not pathetic, that much is for sure. Is he seeing other people, or are you? Both me and my ex are, she felt she was too young to get married yet and is afraid of commitment so we broke it off. My biggest problem is she rushed into a new relationship, which she always does and always did before I even came along, while im just starting to try dating. I find the fact she is with another man the hardest part so if he is seeing other people that tends to increase how much more hurt you are because if you are anything like me you will wonder how much they like or love this person in comparison to you. Me and my ex still talk too, it doesn't make things any easier does it?

[CaliGuy]

You won't heal and move on completely until you stop talking to your ex's, folks. Trust me on that.

[Melrapuo]

You won't heal and move on completely until you stop talking to your ex's, folks. Trust me on that.

 

Listen to the man. Talking to your ex only brings more pain. Be confident in yourself. You've gone this long without them, so why continue to depend on them?

[pr-girl]

Listen to the man. Talking to your ex only brings more pain. Be confident in yourself. You've gone this long without them, so why continue to depend on them?

 

I think you may be right. Although, during the first 3 months of NC for me, I still missed him. We were friends before we began dating. Do I just cut the whole thing off for awhile?

 

I've tried dating other people, but I only think of him. I don't think he's seeing anyone either. As a matter of fact, neither of us have had a significant other in the last 7 months. We are both a bit cynical. We both are not the type that "needs" to be with someone. So, we have both stayed alone.

 

Shouldn't I be ready to move on after 7 months? I am a bit lonely, but I refuse to be with someone just to be with someone. AND, I still miss HIM.

 

I think what makes this even harder is that neither of us did anything to intentionally hurt each other. The LDR was just too hard for him, I guess.

[sedgwick]

I think seven months is nothing. It's been 15 for me and I'm nowhere near dating again.

[hades07]

Wow im only three months and feel like getting back out there and start dating, but I think alot of that stems from the city I live in is not that big and we share the same friends and I know what she is up too, so even NC for me I still think about her and know what she is up to and hate it but yeah from here on out, NC allll the way baby.

[selena_cat]

i keep searching and searching this site for posts at least one that i have in common with, i found this one and its been 6 months and i feel like i havent healed competely, doesnt help that a hurricane compelelywrecked the power outage in my town,

all i can say is its ok if you avent healed,it hard bit dont beat yourself up and also for whatever reasons or excuses,he comes up with that he doesnt want to be together,i wouldnt try to work this out like a poster suggested, A man that has excuses not be with you is not someone you want,either he wans to be with you or he doesnt

i say go strict on NC but if youre in his area that may be difficlut b/c you migth break it,the temptation is there but why do that,thats chasing in a way

also reading Sedgwicks answer , Never say your enouph good enough for anyone because that is Not true, it may feel that way but it isnt true,

just because someone walked away doesnt mean you deserve it unless you were the wicked witch in the relationship.

God made us all equal and no one is better than anyone on this earth because we will al leave the same way and its in a hearst,so no one is above anyone-not even an immature ex who thinks they are better than you-this is speaking from pesonal experience as one can see

It seems when i read posts that many dumpers,not all of them but the ones who gets a kick out of hurting people thinks they hold all the power when they really dont

we are all hear kicking and beating aourselves up for a person who never valued or deserved us at all.

when they (dumpers) find themselves old and alone believe me,all the fun they had breaking people's hearts,using people will come back to haunt them, one way or another.

please stop being so hard on yourselves,

and i promise to do the same, at least i know that i'm not alone in this

good luck!

[seminoles84]

I know most of the time the comments made on here are meant in good faith and are meant to help others but, sometimes I just want to shoot myself in the head reading the bad grammar! I can't even read some sentences without having to solve a puzzle as to what the heck they are trying to say. Sorry, but god!

 

Anyways..

 

I agree with Caliguy, you should stop all communication with the guy.

[selena_cat]

Seminole,I understand totally how you feel, I myself is guilty of this however, this is a site where people will write freely, and they will make grammar,spelling mistakes.

If they want to write essays to be graded,i'm sure there are plenty of academic websites for that purpose.

When I post something,I am more than elated to have someone or anyone take the time to reply to my post. Reason is that I need support and like evryone else, So i'm not going to nitpick and look for great grammar even though it is important to understand what they arewriting,

Heartbreak and rejection is a terrible time for anyone and its wonderful that strangers online are helping people get through this,so ease up on people's grammar usage or why should anyone bother to respond,just my opinion.

[sid3]

Wow PR girl that is rough. Hopefully things will get better for you soon. So you're not ready to date yet. It's good that you realise you aren't going to be with the wrong person just to be with somebody. Lonely, yeah that sucks at times, but most here will agree that you'll feel even more alone when your with someone who doesn't feel or treat you the same. Rahter than looking at it as going NC or ignoring, maybe you can try and looking at it making another good choice. Things are always changing too, you just may find that you'll be ready to date in no time and this experience will seem like a distant memory.

 

Please forgive me for ranting on your thread,

 

I have to agree with Selena, I never write a post looking for an A. I'm guilty of poor grammar, spelling too. But I always appreciate the fact that people will take the time and offer me advice and support. There are seldomly posts where a single period isn't used and just as rare is the super long thread where the poster writes in txt shorthand. Now that is a puzzle. Yet they wonder why nobody reads let alone replies to it. It would be nice to have enough free space in my mind where pointing out poor grammar and spelling even mattered. My dog is is dying right before my eyes, as she looses all her bodily functions I am too distracted to check my spelling, while reading about Pr girl's troubles and offering the little advice I can, I cannot forget my mom has terminal cancer and that my father has Parkinson's, all while I'm trying to get my ex out of my head. I'm not going to worry that there may be a reader/school teacher reading my posts thinking how ignorant I am because i have not typed as well as they can. Yes reading that struck a nerve. This is a coping forum, people are hurting and trying to survive. It's a terrible place to be. Hearing someone complain about stupid sh** reminds me how selfish some people can be. Oh yeah like my ex.

[pr-girl]

Thank you for the kind words and advice, all of you.

 

I had a very hard day yesterday. I never call in sick and I did. I stayed in bed all day and tears just ran down my face. I was sad about my life: my job, my loneliness, my failures. I've decided, once again, to see a therapist. I have in the past and it helped temporarily. It seems as though every time I get back to myself and begin feeling happy again, I let a guy bring me down. I know how I'm supposed to feel. I've felt happiness and pride before. But, sometimes I just get in this rut and I don't feel like I can get out. Maybe it's the rejection. Maybe it's the loneliness. Maybe it's my self-esteem. Maybe all of the above.

 

I have a new goal. I'm moving in 6 months to a beautiful city with family, old school friends, the beach, gorgeous weather and a job industry I love. I just hope I can learn to love myself the way I did before so I can be happy again in such a beautiful place.

 

Why is it that many of us allow exes to determine our worth? When I look at myself from the outside, I think it's so sad that I allow other people to dictate whether I'm wonderful or not. Why do I let it get to me so much when I'm not wanted? Is it human nature to feel this way?

[carhill]

“Do not try to bend the spoon, that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you’ll see, it is not the spoon that bends. It is only yourself”‘.

 

What is reality, anyway? What is human nature?

 

Worth resides within. Looking for it outside is fruitless folly.

 

YGPM

[BackonTrack]

Its been 6 months for me.

I'm over it, It took lots of sex.

& A steady rebound.

 

It took a few dates, each new person took away something the ex held in memory. I just had to deassiocate my routine with the memories of my ex..

 

Things like

The shopping market

The movies

Unprotected Sex

Talking

In depth Conversation

Watching Old Shows with someone new.

 

Basically all the memories I had, I had to do them again with new people, took a while, but the ex got wiped out. Not fully but about 97%

 

I don't even get sad anymore or tear.

Dated for about 1.2 years.

She started cheating 8-9 months in.

 

Had plans on leaving, but never did, always came back, was always there, cheated on me for a good 6 months, was even upset i broke up with her, hell, she was going to leave me, i felt it emotionally toward the end, but we were only together for such a short time, i wonder why she just didn't tell me to **** off or something oh wait, i remember, she did tell me to **** off, after i broke down n told her i just wanted her to be happy.

[tealeafbud]

Thank you for the kind words and advice, all of you.

 

Why is it that many of us allow exes to determine our worth? When I look at myself from the outside, I think it's so sad that I allow other people to dictate whether I'm wonderful or not. Why do I let it get to me so much when I'm not wanted? Is it human nature to feel this way?

 

Hey pr-girl, hope you're doing better than before. I think we've all been where you are at. Those of us that have been trying to get over someone only to have one of those days where you totally feel helpless and sad. I know I have. But knowing that doesn't really help much unless you know how to get over those feelings. You probably know better than a lot of us. You know you do. You've been so strong for the past several months and the most revered among us has feelings of being hurt and loneliness.

 

I don't know what to say except to stay strong, stay courageous, stay brave, stay yourself. I really want to vent, but I think I'm all vented out. When I just stare at my journal and nothing comes out, I usually come to terms that I've written everything I could for that day. Take care of you Pr

[pr-girl]

Its been 6 months for me.

I'm over it, It took lots of sex.

& A steady rebound.

 

It took a few dates, each new person took away something the ex held in memory. I just had to deassiocate my routine with the memories of my ex..

 

Things like

The shopping market

The movies

Unprotected Sex

Talking

In depth Conversation

Watching Old Shows with someone new.

 

Basically all the memories I had, I had to do them again with new people, took a while, but the ex got wiped out. Not fully but about 97%

 

I don't even get sad anymore or tear.

Dated for about 1.2 years.

She started cheating 8-9 months in.

 

Had plans on leaving, but never did, always came back, was always there, cheated on me for a good 6 months, was even upset i broke up with her, hell, she was going to leave me, i felt it emotionally toward the end, but we were only together for such a short time, i wonder why she just didn't tell me to **** off or something oh wait, i remember, she did tell me to **** off, after i broke down n told her i just wanted her to be happy.

 

When I'm with another person, I tend to compare in my head and my ex is always better. I know this is bad to do, but it's hard not to. I guess I just haven't met the right guy.

[pr-girl]

Hey pr-girl, hope you're doing better than before. I think we've all been where you are at. Those of us that have been trying to get over someone only to have one of those days where you totally feel helpless and sad. I know I have. But knowing that doesn't really help much unless you know how to get over those feelings. You probably know better than a lot of us. You know you do. You've been so strong for the past several months and the most revered among us has feelings of being hurt and loneliness.

 

I don't know what to say except to stay strong, stay courageous, stay brave, stay yourself. I really want to vent, but I think I'm all vented out. When I just stare at my journal and nothing comes out, I usually come to terms that I've written everything I could for that day. Take care of you Pr

 

Thank you, Tealeaf. Sometimes, easier said than done - but, well said.

[BackonTrack]

love is not just an emotion, it alteres your brain chemistry, and its so powerful it even affects you physically, like a drug and when you don't have it anymore you begin to withdraw.

 

anyway, I was just like you people, torn up, broken, cried all the time, thought about the ex everyday, panic attacks, hell I even went physco. I had it bad and what I realized is the following

 

The only thing that gets you through this is TIME.

The second thing that gets you through this is company with people you respect.

The third thing is exercise as it gets the blood going, you begin to sweat, everything bleeds out your system.

 

What really helped me was the fact that I decieded to not feel sorry for myself, I realized she wasn't coming back, I realized that only I can make myself happy n I realized that datting and hanging out with friends who provide mind stiumilating conversations was agood way to erase the ex.

 

Actually, it was a girl that I met, made me forget all about the ex, formed some sort of attachment to her, actually it took lots of girls, about 5-6, 3 of them I had sex with, the others were there for emmotional support.

 

What I'm trying to say is that you have to actively work to elimiate the ex from your mind, your heart & your soul. YOu can't just sit back cry n expect everything to take care of itself.

 

You see, you have built up a large amount of experiences with this person, you have to develop new ones, do new things, take new routes, push some of those memories into the background, eventually over time if you are consitant with the help of excerise, friends and someone to spend time with, you'll be rid of your ex.

 

took me about 7 months, not over it totally but the final nail in the coffin for me was the fact I just wrote her a closure letter, put it under my bed and in the event i see her again in life, i'll give it to her.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the only way you get over it is to go through it, run right threw it, break everything you thought you knew about that person, put everything into different fractions in your mind then each thing the ex did for you or did with you, find someone new to do it with.

 

in my case, i didn't really have anything culturally in common with the ex but we understood each other, atleast for a short time we did.

 

for example, we did

a) movies

b) resturants

c) shopping

d) sex

e) deep seated political conversations

 

just everyday life things, n once I found someon else to do those things with me, it sort of just reinforced that my ex is not around and i shouldn't assiocate her with those kind of events.

 

its really simple actually, i feel like i can go through 10 more breakups n still not be as torn up as I was this time around. Its all about your coping mechanisms, its all about the method in which you choose to address your wound, because believe me, its real n it needs medicine, what medicine are you taking???

 

excerising?

writing a journal?

 

what are you doing to get out of this slump.