yongyong Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 so the simple rules are crying, begging, whining, complaning, sending gifts and telling her that 'I will change' won't work The rule says I shouldn't criticize her either but I did. She is available only few days a week (I understand) and I had to work around her schedule. I felt she wasn't appreciating any effort I was making. she also got upset when she said 'let's do it' and I couldn't show up instantly. so I had to have conversation about respecting each others space but she didn't want to hear it and said 'you know it's not working between us' (I wasn't going to talk about relationship however...) I thought good communication would get rid of future arguments. My questions is... Although you are not happy with her attitude or treatment towards you, you should SHUT UP and never criticize her? because you are the one who wants your ex back but not her?? Should I forget about my ego while doing this and then I can talk about it later after I got her back? I am sure everybody had some arguments before breaking up and they finally broke up because the argument was going nowhere. If you guys just got back without solving those arguments, the same thing will likely to happen again? (you bring it up, she doesn't want to listen and say 'see it's not working between us) give me some inputs!
BCCA Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I dont think you need to shut up and not criticize her, but just realize she isnt listening and doesnt seem intrerested in hearing what you have to say. So you would be wasting your time. If she isnt willing to even take the time to hear you out and her first response is 'this isnt going to work' then what does that say? To me, it says that youre not the right ones for each other. And yes, as some one who "just wanted their ex back" and got them, if this is a problem now, unless there is a serious effort made on both sides to fix it, it will always be a problem. The way to reconciliation and to moving on are basically the same path. You need to not contact her at all and focus on moving on with your life. If she is ever going to be serious about you again, she'll need to have an epiphany on her own and realize what shes beeing doing. If you stay in her life, she'll never 'miss' you or worry about losing you for good, so shell never take what youve said into consideration. A small percentage of people do get back together after a time of reflection. The chances are, though, that you'll have to chalk this one up as a loss and move on. Dont be in contact with her at all, just do your own thing. This doesnt sound like a young lady who was interested in keeping you around, though.
smiley23 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I dont know its a difficult one, its kinda the way i felt too, you put all the effort and get nothing back, but why shouldnt you be allowed to say how you feel??..Things work both ways ya know, it cant just be about them thats what they expect you to jump, i'm glad you didnt always go when she said lets do it...But its not working for her it seems because your not doing what she wants...Exactly the same as me..You want them back why????? I dont know that either...You love them maybe more for the fact you cant have them...its a tricky one..Join me with the NC i've only been NC for a day..I just been keepin myself busy no more DWELLING, well lets see how that goes :-)
wareagle Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 You are not listening to anyone's advice on here about NC! You are getting nowhere!! Until you go NC with her you will stay where you are at!!
Glory Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 If you guys just got back without solving those arguments, the same thing will likely to happen again? (you bring it up, she doesn't want to listen and say 'see it's not working between us) give me some inputs! I think you're right about this. If you ignore the reasons for the break up in the first place, then it is very likely to happen again. I also think that if you're really feeling as if you have a reason to criticize her (or many reasons) than maybe the relationship shouldn't be. (<--- I'm not 100% sure about that, it sounds good in my head, but out loud, not so much.) If you can have a mature talk with her where you point out your criticisms (and she points out her criticisms of you) then you can work things out, possibly. Good luck!
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 If you want to stay in contact, then the rule is simple: you have to be the guy she fell in love with, not the guy she broke up with. When you first started dating, were you critical of her? I suspect you were on 'best behavior' since you wanted to win her, and you'll have to do that now. If you don't, the least little thing you do that she doesn't like will remind her of why you broke up and she will distance herself. That's the tricky thing about 'winning back an ex' - you have to pretty much set 99% of who you are now aside, in order to show them consistently the 1% of what you showed them when you were wooing them. It is hard to constantly bury your true feelings, and keep them buried. Even if you get her back, the very second you slip back into what she deems to be 'negative' she will turn and walk. Again.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I think its just stupid to bury or pretend to be anything. You are who you are. I mean, if he/she fell in love with you 2 yrs ago for whatever reason, true love realizes people change. true love is loving someone for who they fundamentally are. the good, the bad, the changes, the maturity- all of it. if you want someone back and you're going to pretend to be the old you or someone you're not- its doomed to fail. don't bother.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I think its just stupid to bury or pretend to be anything. You are who you are. I mean, if he/she fell in love with you 2 yrs ago for whatever reason, true love realizes people change. true love is loving someone for who they fundamentally are. the good, the bad, the changes, the maturity- all of it. if you want someone back and you're going to pretend to be the old you or someone you're not- its doomed to fail. don't bother. I agree wholeheartedly. When someone wants advice on how to achieve something that is futile, the solution (what I posted) is equally futile. I was a little oblique on that last post in making that point, I guess.
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