kimberelly Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 ok so i met this guy a few weeks ago now. he saw me moving in and noticed i had a guitar.. he is a guitarist/drummer and i am also... so we start hanging out and jammin together platonically. a couple days after hanging out he mentions he's starting to like me etc. and before you know it we are an item anyway, things evolved fairly quickly, we both have the keys to each others places (he lives right down the block and we both use each others musical equipment etc). from what i have seen from his interaction with me and others he is a very kind person, honest, loyal etc (not the player type ) we have been spending a lot of time together (pretty much any free time that he has, he works 2 jobs and pretty much works from 10 am to 10 pm 5 days a week, he only has off completely for ONE day a week - how stressful is that??) anyway, i have been spending the night over there and vice versa. after the first couple nights i mentioned that i didn't want to intrude on his or his roommates space so just to let me know if it was an issue or whatever. i am fine with having my free space etc so that's not really an issue. yesterday (after prefacing with how much he enjoys spending time with me and hopes i don't take it the wrong way..and that he sees a lot of potential for us as a long term thing) he mentioned that maybe we shouldn't spend every night at each others place. he also said he sought advice from his friend about what to do - and he was advised to lie and tell me he "wanted to hang out with the guys" etc. as a justification, but he stated he wanted to be open and just let me know since we are still getting to know each other and he doesn't want to take our time together for granted etc. i am just wondering if this is a bad sign or not? i mean, i do understand that he works most of the time and has very little (if any) personal time -- and that in a new relationship it is hard to know the limitations of personal time vs. together time. i work only 1 job so i have plenty of time to catch up on the things i enjoy while he is working. i don't mind giving him space and i have indicated to him that i was thankful he was honest with me and i respect his decision - not to worry. he said he didn't mind me "checking up" on him or stopping by at night - i told him with a smile that wouldn't be necessary because i respect his privacy and i trust him. i don't want to be off to a bad start so can anyone provide some words of wisdom? especially from a male perspective. i don't get the impression at all that he is trying to end things or that he doesn't enjoy our time together (he has told me the contrary) .. and he has introduced me to all his coworkers and some of his family (and given me the keys to his place as mentioned) so i don't think he's trying to hide anything. plus he hasn't had a girlfriend in about a year so i'm sure it takes some adjusting time. how much personal space should i give him? i don't want to burden him or for him to feel bad about wanting free time - and i don't just want to jump at every opportunity to hang out if he is resenting it deep down. thanks in advance :] kim
Ruby Slippers Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I don't see it as a problem. I think he's saying he sees it going somewhere but doesn't want to move too fast, or burn out too quickly. I'm a firm believer in "respect a boundary and it often disappears". I expect that if you are totally cool with the suggestion, that will leave room for trust and closeness. As for how much space to give him, maybe you can let him initiate time together for a while and see how it works out. Again, I would imagine he will respond well to not feeling pressure from your side. Just make sure you are both feeling good about it and getting your needs met.
CaliGuy Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I'm a firm believer in "respect a boundary and it often disappears". I really like this quote as in my experience, it's quite often true!
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