lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I was so shocked. Why now? nearly 3 months later? My initial reaction was to reply but I didn't, I made myself a cup of tea, sat down, reread the text and then deleted it from my phone. I loved this line. You made yourself a cup of tea, sat down, reread the text and then deleted it from your phone. Wonderful! From a sentence standpoint, its dramatically correct, it creates a nice mental image and most of all (and this is the part I liked most) you did not respond, you just let it go. Good to hear.
msjules Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 darnay, I am amazed at your determination! How did you do it? I have vowed NC a couple of times now only to break it. Surely you must have been tempted at times. What did you say to yourself in order to stay strong? Did you do certain things to help you cope? I think a lot of us could learn something from you if you would like to share. Again, I am amazed at your success. Congratulations!
Author darnay Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 msjules it's a difficult thing to answer really. Indeed for the first month of the breakup I was guilty of doing the whole contact thing, and even offered to support him cus I knew he was feeling lots of stress. I also tried to keep in contact with his friends and all our mutual friends. In short I really made an effort to remain friends with everyone, even though I was dying a slow lingering emotional death.. Then it slowly dawned on me that I was doing ALL the legwork and 'they' were just not interested in me at all - My friendship was just a one way street for them. Walking away and going NC is hard but in the end there's only so much self torture you can allow yourself to go through. Whether it's in the first month or twelve months down the line eventually you will feel empowered enough to walk away. I felt sick when i received the text, but for some reason an inner calmness kicked in when I reread it and I knew what I had to do. I don't hate him, I don't want revenge, I don't want anything from him and I don't want to send horrid or rude replies to him. I simply deserve better than him, and I keep reminding myself that he is now slowly but surely just becoming another person who inhabits this earth.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Hey I just need some advice from you guys.. I was dumped by my partner about 3 weeks ago. We had been together for two years, last September he broke up with me saying that he didn't love me and was still in love with his ex. After three months apart he begged me to come back to him, said he's made a huge mistake and that he realised he loved me. He has spent the last 7 months convincing me, his family and our friends that he loved me only to break the news three weeks ago that he had made anothe mistake, wished he'd never contacted me again in January and that he never really ever loved me. I have been absolutely gutted. He said he wanted to be friends with me, and has been intouch by text, through facebook etc at irregular intervals. I've found it really difficult cus i still love him, but obviously he doesnt love me. He tells me what he's doing, going out and how his new friends are looking after him, and i just feel like i'm dying.... I have been low enough as it is cus i had major surgery on my back 6 weeks ago, and i was only just recovering and walking again when he decided to dump me. How can someone tell so many lies and act the way he has - he was only talking about a civil partnership before i went in for surgery. Anyway, I keep trying the no contact route but crumbling after a few days. He's also told me i have got to keep the key i had for his apartment. I feel like he is ony doing this just in case his new life fails and i become plan B again for him.... Respect yourself. Say NO to being a benchwarmer. N-O. Say it to your partner. "I don't want to be your friend, you know what I want, if you can't be my partner, please leave me alone." It is easier said than done. Trust me, I have been push and pull for months.............but it has become so redundant and fruitless that....................... I have actually said to myself, "seriously?" This is what we have become. What a giant load of sh** this is. See.......you can't rationalize this or justify this to yourself, it will not be clear until you detox yourself from these overwhelming emotions....... It takes months for clarity. So YES Try and go NC, if you break after 2 weeks, do it again, if you break after 6 weeks, do it again. Keep going into NC until you can stay away. Let your partner chase you down, if they don't this is a lost love. LOST LOVE. It happens to everyone! Don't be ashamed to feel needy or hurt. When our trust is shattered it is human to feel that way.
EmperorR Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 continue on NC, when my ex sent me a text message on what would have been 3 years together I wanted to reply but then why? why should I reply to a liar, cheat, betrayer, who kicked me to the curb and treated me like a piece of dirt, i just deleted it and moved on. Be honest the whole friends crap is garbage, which friend do you know that knows your heartbroken going through crap, doesn't even call? My ex knew I was going through hell from everything she did to me and said the let's be friends crap 61 days NC, all I got was a pathetic text asking for a notebook back, lol hey I thought we were friends but we can't hang out you can't even call me to see how I'm doing, get out of here with that friend's bull crap
aiina Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I was so shocked. Why now? nearly 3 months later? My initial reaction was to reply but I didn't, I made myself a cup of tea, sat down, reread the text and then deleted it from my phone. Darnay, you have just done what I am longing for: the day I could just sit and delete, and have my tea. Am I reading right all the thread? You never replied to him since you started NC? I do honestly hope your back is recovering well
Author darnay Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 He's had nothing from me since I took the decision to go NC, and neither has his friends or the so called mutual friends we shared who have tried to contact me. It has been hard, but I feel much better, much stronger and far more empowered to carry on with every passing day.. It's no longer about him or them, it's ALL about me now, and getting my life, my health and my future back on track.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 It is hard to ignore the mutual friends........but you can let them back in when you feel ready. I took a few weeks off my buddies. They still are freindly and hang out with her but...................... I took some time from them too. You can't blame them. They didn't get dumped, they weren't in a relationship with your ex. It gets really catty when a couple breaks up and starts talking sh** through thier mutual friends. it becomes a fact-finding mission and thier is always one friend who is an as***** informer constantly striring the pot. I have learned so much from my experience. You will be ok. Muscle through the holiday. GET closure any way you can. Make sure you know in your mind that it is over. Even if you have to ask, "Is thier anything I can do to prevent this from ending. Do you still love me, and do you think we have a future" Ask!! Get to know what you are dealing with. Don't be manipulated and strung along.
alwayssme Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 wow, i'm sorry to hear that. some people are truly unbelievable. he sounds selfish and insecure. You should def. go NC for your own sake and because as hard as it may be to hear this he doesn't deserve you. i was struggling with letting go of a good guy and a good relationship...he said he "fell out of love" with me, and i never knew why but i guess it happens. However your ex sounds so selfish because he strung you along and nobody deserves that. People need to stop and think that a relationship is not only about them and they're needs, ITS ABOUT TWO PEOPLE!! they need to think that their feelings are not the only ones that matter.
Author darnay Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 Major setback today, received a Christmas card from my ex wishing me a happy christmas, hoping my back is better after surgery and then stating that he hopes one day i'll be able to forgive him for what he did.. For some reason it was like a knife in my heart and then I felt like I was suffocating for a few minutes, really odd. I think from the card he is obviously suffering some guilt for what he did (twice dumping me).. I just feel horrid now, completely empty again, almost like I was before I went NC.. How can a person have such power over another. It is madness.
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