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Posted

My gf of two years recently brought up the idea to me. I really care about her and want to make this work, actually it does kind of turn me on. The only thing that worries me is that she will leave me for the other guy. I am 6'' and average width, and she is one of those girls who is a total size queen. So we have set up a date for her on Saturday, and she is very excited. I will get to watch as well, everything will be safe as well. I was wondering if there were any sort of ground rules I should set for her, and if anyone has experience with this. Thanks.

Posted

Pardon my eighteen year old opinion... but why in the heck would you want to do this?

 

Bottom line for me: If you have or want to have sex with another man, we are done.

Posted

Your relationship will not last 3 months after next Saturday. Trust me.

Posted

Sounds like Pandora's box opening never to be closed again.

I highly recommend you rethink this.

Posted

buddy, your opening up a can of worms here. think real careful about doing this.not just about the now, but the future also.

Posted

Will, are you generally submissive in other areas of the relationship? Do you engage in other D/s activities, or is this the first foray into something like this?

Posted

And then it's your turn to do another girl while she watches, right? Right?

Posted

If you're worried now that she will leave you for another guy, what do you expect to be worried about afterwards? If my bf suggested that he watch me sleep with another man, or I watch him with another woman, I would probably end the relationship. Even though there are some people in the world who simply have fetishes, that would make me too insecure about the relationship in general.

 

So, she sleeps with this guy... what's to say that she won't later think it ok for her to sleep with some other guy you haven't approved of? Or just sleep with him behind your back whenever she wants? I'm sure there are people in the world who stay honest with one another and make these types of situations work, but even if the other person stays honest about everything... that doesn't mean that the partner wouldn't have serious doubts.

 

So, she gets to sleep with other men, do you get to sleep with other women? If you're allowed to, do you even want to? Personally, I wouldn't want to take a risk like that with a relationship that I really cared about. If this guy wanted to be able to sleep around with my permission, I would assume that he might say it's okay even without it. If I were in your position, at best I would suggest she take some time apart from you and figure out what she really wants. If you're all for open relationships, then maybe suggest that to her also.

 

My personal opinions on the matter aside, you might want to think of what you would or wouldn't want to do about things like... kissing, foreplay, and touching in general. How you might feel about her in the dominate position vs how you might feel about him in the dominant position. If it kinda turns you on, then consider what parts of the idea actually turn you on.

 

I'd also ask her what parts of her sleeping with another man turn her on. Is it her being watched? Maybe you could suggest someone else watching you two first? Or doing it somewhere in public.

Posted

This is just dumb!! DUMB!!!

Posted

not at all.. just kick back and relax.. and most of all.. enjoy!!! ;)

Posted

You're absolutely insane if you go through with this and you both will get what you deserve...but, more power to you.

Posted

I'd say put on a condom for everything, even for oral sex. Also, no kissing.

 

I have no judgment on whether you should do this or not but recognize this is potentially a risky activity. It could potentially make your couple happier if that is what you BOTH want. But it could also destroy your couple and whatever intimacy is left.

 

Think about it.

Posted

Wow, I most definitely could not watch someone I was in a relationship with and cared about have sex with someone else. I would feel sick to my stomach. If she's a size queen, and her reason for wanting to be with another man is because of that, buy her a large dildo and tell her you like girls with smaller vaginas.

Posted

You're really serious about this whole aren't you??

Posted

Will, come back and say something. It's okay. We were all bashed on our first posts :)

  • 1 month later...
Posted
My gf of two years recently brought up the idea to me. I really care about her and want to make this work, actually it does kind of turn me on. The only thing that worries me is that she will leave me for the other guy. I am 6'' and average width, and she is one of those girls who is a total size queen. So we have set up a date for her on Saturday, and she is very excited. I will get to watch as well, everything will be safe as well. I was wondering if there were any sort of ground rules I should set for her, and if anyone has experience with this. Thanks.

 

If she is a "total size queen" then go out to the country and find a donkey for her.

Posted

I have no experience with this, but I understand the cuckhold fetish. The Shack is fairly mainstream, mostly plain vanilla, relationship as opposed to fetish focused. You would do better inquiring at alt.com or bondage.com. Those folks play on the fringe.

 

As for advice, practice safe sex, carefully vet her sex partner (make sure he's experienced at this type of play), everyone drink a little wine and you just sit back and watch. If she enjoys herself, you will too.

 

Have fun.

Posted

I like vanilla.

 

Sometimes I get wild, and I have hot fudge on the vanilla. Or even skip the vanilla altogether and have rocky road.

 

But I have that sort of a wild streak....

 

Honestly, I can't imagine penis size being a priority in a R. If you are truly so small that she can't tell if you are inside or not, then there is a problem there that having a third person in the bedroom won't cure. Good luck.

Posted

BTDT and hate to say it but chances are she is already part way out of the relationship.

 

If you do go forward, set rules about what actions are out of bounds, how much contact is OK "behind the scenes", etc. and consider putting the rules in writing.

 

Good luck - you are gonna need it.

Posted

I have lay some heavy sh*t on you because its obvious and you don't deserve to get hurt anymore.

 

If she loved you, and just had some sex fantasies, she would suggest swinging first and then maybe talk you into having a single guy later. By going straight for this cuckhold thing she is ignoring your emotional wellbeing. That means she just plain doesn't care. Try to imagine the situation reversed. Would you ask her to watch you have sex with another woman ? Even if you wanted her to do that, how would you go about it ?

Posted

I've met a few men that were OK with this.. they had an open relationship and they loooved it.. It's not for everyone I admit.. but hey.. some people DO like kinky stuff..

 

In the end, maybe they are the happiest couples.. ;)

Posted

This doesn't sound open, it sounds totally one sided. I say that if she cared about him she would have suggested swinging instead and maybe tried to slip in an MFM threesome.

 

The presentation he is giving is that she doesn't even like him and is trying to use him but he is too insecure to leave.

Posted

I don't believe it is "totally one-sided." The OP did post this:

 

"My gf of two years recently brought up the idea to me. I really care about her and want to make this work, actually it does kind of turn me on."

 

That's an admission of interest. The OP (assuming he's truthful) wants to get his kink on. Who are we to judge him.

 

Play on, my man. Play on.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

A word of advice - while this form of sex play works for some people, it is ( based on experiences of people who I have known ) usually the first major step in what is usually a very painful, guilt ridden ( for the husband or boy friend ) end to a relationship. Most people simply can not handle this sort of thing. Those who can have talked about it a lot and set rules in place which they have the strength and maturity to stay within and it is more of a "couple" thing than just one partner doing all of the talking and coercing. I would suggest that as has been already said, what you are considering may well be a recipe for disaster.

Here's something to consider. Your words - "My gf of two years recently brought up the idea to me. I really care about her and want to make this work, actually it does kind of turn me on." You say that she is a "size queen" so that should tell you that she thinks that she needs more than you can give her naturally. At risk of sounding sexist ( I do not mean for this to be that way ), it is she who has brought the subject up and it is you who is willing to agree because YOU want to "make this work". I sense thatthis is pretty one sided here and that you are going along with it because she has talked you into it so that she can fulfill her sexual fantasies and desires for a man who has "more to offer" than you do. While you may find the idea of watching her with other better hung guys than you, you'd best be knowing that chances are good that you may be getting in 'way over your head here. Cucking often, sooner or later, involves guy/guy contact in one form or another so unless you are repared for this, I'd suggest that you really think this over and do your best to stop this before it starts. Consider this:

I have a friend at this time who has gone through a very nasty, painful divorce after he and his ex began to engage in this sort if activity. His ex wife now is with the one of the guys who had sex with her in front of him and the ironic thing is that my friend says that he actually encouraged her to do it right from the start. What happened was that once the line was crossed and she did it the first time and then the second, she began to see other men without her husband being involved at all and the marriage was doomed. Sometimes she would bring men home and he would watch and she sometimes asked him to join in but usually his involvement was only at the end when she and her lover were done and then he was ony permitted to have non reciprocal oral sex with her. This sort of thing sounds gross to a lot of people but he said that while he wasn't into it at first, in time he very much enjoyed it all and he was shocked and hurt when she announced that she was leaving him. Today he is very remorseful regarding what he did and he has basically lost everything. When asked if it was worth it, today he says that no, it wasn't.

Cuckolding does work for some couples for awhile but usually, the marriage is already over when it starts because things are out of control and the moral parameters are gone. It's much like swinging - the couples who can do it and have their marriage survive can do so only because they are strong and mature enough in their relationship to be able to stay within preset and agreed upon paramaters. With cucking as with swinging, it can only end in pain if one partner just does it to please the other. The people simply have to be in touch with each other totally and in agreement to abide by certain rules. Even then, either activity is very risky and for the vast majority of couples, is better off left as a fantasy. If things go bad - and chances are very good that sooner or later they will, then there will be lots of tears and regrets - and all for a few hours of fun.

I have been with the same lady for over 30 years and we tried the swinging scene with two other couples over a period of a couple of years and yes, it was fun at the time. We chose our parners carefully and my wife and I always talked at length about each swing session after it ended. While we no longer participate in swinging, we found that the experiences actually drew us closer together as a couple and for us, it was for the most part, a very good experience. We have discussed looking for another couple to play with but I think that we are pretty content with just each other at this stage of our lives. One of the biggest worrries is disease - so you'd best keep that in mind.

Personally, as for your issue, I would suggest avoiding it until you and she have really sat down and talked about it and discussed things beyond the "I want to do this because I want a better hung guy" stage.. Trust me, you may well be getting far more than you are bargaining for.

Posted

I think this is probably definable as a fait accompli. It's been a month, and nothing said.

if Will wants to come back at some point - he can.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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