Cabernet34 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 [FONT=Arial]Well, where should I start. Not sure if this belongs in the LDR section, the coping section, the break up section, or somewhere else. They all apply. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]In my early thirties, I had always had a problem with past relationships fizzling out. Not that I’ve had tons of them. I would always get nervous when I felt like she wasn’t “the one”, and when it was time to make a serious commitment, I always felt tied down. Then, last October, I sat by “the one” on an airplane. We were both from the same southern city. I live there currently. Her career had taken her to Michigan for one year, but she planned moving back home. We began exchanging emails, with an occasional phone call. We had a lot in common. It seemed strange even. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]One month later, she was back home visiting her folks, and we went out. It was a slightly awkard first date, but something had “clicked” and we continued to stay in touch. She would come home every 3 week or so, and we would hang out, and the relationship was going great. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Then in February, she started coming to stay with me. She wouldn’t tell her mom that she was coming (by the way, I’m 33 and she is 31). She would stay with me for a few days before going home. I would also go see her. About 1 to 2 weekends per month, we were spending an entire 2-4 days together. I felt strongly about her, but wanted our time spent together to catch up with my feelings for her. Our feelings for each other got stronger and stronger and everything felt so right. We would spend 24 hours a day together, full of happy moments, full of bonding moments, with both of us just amazed at the quality relationship we had built. In April, we hit the 6 month mark, and I was so happy that we had made it that far. In July, she was supposed to move back home. I supported here through her job search as it was stressful. She was in medicine, and had some big opportunities in front of her. We struggled where she would live. She had an opportunity back home, and other opportunities just a couple of hours away. But hey, anywhere in the south was better than Michigan. Then one day I learned that she had been accepted to a program to further her career even further. This opportunity would take her to upstate NY for 4 years. The kicker was, we were in love. She told me that she had always wanted this, but now that I was in her life, she could not go unless she knew that I was coming. She could not do the LDR thing for 4 more years. We knew it was a rushed decision, but we decided at that point that we would get married. She would move to NY. I would tell my work that I was leaving next January. I would put my house up for sale. We would get married after Christmas and I would move up. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]One more thing. I had not met her mother yet. I had tried on many occasions. I learned that her parents had an ugly divorce when she graduated high school. For whatever reason, I sensed that she did not want me to meet her mother. I wasn’t sure if her mother had mental issues, or if she was embarrassed by something. She hinted around that her father was “laid back” but her mother, not so much. I also learned that her older sister, had eloped when she got Married. One more little tidbit… she mentioned that she doubted she would get any help from her mother and sister in planning for the wedding. I found all of this odd. But I was in love and saw these as things that would eventually play themselves out and I would deal with them. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]The time was coming for me to tell my work what was going on, and for me to put my house on the market. Then one night, out of the blue, 3 weeks ago, she said that she needed some space. She said it was for the best. Since then, she has shut me out of her life. Since then, she had told a couple of pathetic lies to keep me from coming up, and to excuse herself from not calling me back when she said she would.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I haven’t seen her in 7 weeks. The last time I saw her face, she was shedding tears as I left her apartment. Since that time, TWICE she has made up an excuse for me not to come see her. I feel like her mother and sister feel strongly that she is making a big mistake, and that they have gotten to her. She doesn’t answer if I call, she rarely responds to any emails. I have a feeling that her mom and sis have convinced her that breaking it off is “for the best” but that her heart doesn’t actually believe it. She is an introverted person and deals with things on the inside and is not communicating well in this case. And I think she has some insecurities about her family, and there is obviously some family stuff going on that I’m not aware of. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]She says that maybe it’s for the best if I stay home with my family and job. But she will not talk to me about her feelings for me and how they have changed. She has gone into shutdown mode. I ask her what the last 10 months have meant to her. Nothing. I ask her to tell me that she loves me no more and I will disappear. Nothing. I believe there is some deep rooted family stuff going on in her head, and that she is confused about it. Her excuse for not talking to me, is that she want’s to come home so that we can talk. I believe that is just a cop-out and a way for her to not have to deal with it today. But I am her fiancé and she has completely shut me out of her life for now. The bad part is she’s 1,000 miles away. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I’ve read a lot in this forum recently, and it seems that I should let go because her love for me isn’t strong enough. The thing is, I don’t feel that her heart is behind her actions. I feel that if I let go, she will too, even though it isn’t what she truly wants. I have thought about reaching out to her mother, but I know that is a bad idea.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Am I blind and getting mistreated? Is it legitimate for me to hold on since I believe some family orienting things have her very confused right now. Should I let her go before I know her true feelings? It is hard to let go when you think she is the one for you and you the one for her. [/FONT]
Recommended Posts