Lishy Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Ok so I broke up with my ex about 7 weeks ago He has started to call and text me telling me how much he loves and misses me and that he is struggling I have ignored him so far but am finding it very hard as he is a nice person and I do not hate him and when I ignore him it makes me feel horrible and mean He didnt do anything terrible to me, I just know we are incompatable and he has traits that I cannot put up with. I miss him too so reading these texts are hard for me
Ronni_W Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 when I ignore him it makes me feel horrible and mean Or, when you master your impulses to respond you can feel strong and courageous, knowing that you are acting in a way that serves the long-term best interests of BOTH of you...? It may not be or feel easy to do, but that doesn't make it a "horrible and mean" action...and certainly doesn't indicate who you are as a person, IMO. Good luck...you ARE strong and courageous, yes?
Author Lishy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Will it REALLY make him feel better if I jut ignore him? If so then why does it make me feel so horrible?
marlena Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Lishy, You have to decide what YOU want first. This hesitation on your part makes me wonder if you aren't having second thougts. If you want him back, then, it's easy. If you want to be friends, tell him so. If you want to be FWB,again, tell him just that. If you don't want a relationship, you will have to explain why and he will have to eventually come to terms with that. Figure out what it is you really want and then stick to your guns. I agree that ignoring him is childish and silly but if he continues to bother you, then, he has it coming. This is no way makes you a horrible person. If necessary,pick up the phone (no texts) and explain one last time. Before you do that, be honest with yourself.
Author Lishy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I have thought about this lots I do love him BUT I do not want to continue with him in a relationship, he is just not right for me! I DO need to tell him and I will call him and tell him exactly where he stands. Thank you my love x
marlena Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I do love him BUT I do not want to continue with him in a relationship, he is just not right for me! Yes, I know that feeling all too well. When love just isn't enough! Horrible dilemma.
Author Lishy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I did it, I rang him and told him not to call anymore as I need to move on and I feel horrible ignoring him. He told me that it would be easier if I was horrible to him as he could get over it! Doh!!!
Ronni_W Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Good for you for taking that necessary action! And yes, I really do believe that, in this case, n/c will facilitate better feelings sooner (not necessarily right away though.) He told me that it would be easier if I was horrible to him as he could get over it! That is rather inhumane OF HIM...to want you to act horribly and feel horribly about acting that way just so he can feel a tad better about himself? What's up with that, huh? (((hugs)))
marlena Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 He told me that it would be easier if I was horrible to him as he could get over it! Doh!!! Not a very mature answer!! If you know what you want,as hard as it may be, stick to it, Lishy. I am not a great supporter of second/third/fourth chances. Every time I did it, it was a disaster. P.S. You are a great person and I am willing to bet, a great friend!!!
Author Lishy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Good for you for taking that necessary action! And yes, I really do believe that, in this case, n/c will facilitate better feelings sooner (not necessarily right away though.) That is rather inhumane OF HIM...to want you to act horribly and feel horribly about acting that way just so he can feel a tad better about himself? What's up with that, huh? (((hugs))) I think he meant that if it had ended on a big argument or nasty words he would not feel as bad as he could see why it has ended - He does not know how miserable I was feeling at his childishness and bad communication etc Not a very mature answer!! If you know what you want,as hard as it may be, stick to it, Lishy. I am not a great supporter of second/third/fourth chances. Every time I did it, it was a disaster. P.S. You are a great person and I am willing to bet, a great friend!!! My heart tells me to give him another chance but my head says NO NO NO - I am following my head as I know we will not be together forever so what is the point? I am at a stage in my life where I am happy in my own skin and I know what I want, and he cannot provide it! There is only one reason I would have a man in my life and that is to improve my already happy life and make me happier still, he was making me feel full of wondering and guessing! Since hearing from him today I have been thinking about him and missing him but it will pass I am sure Thank you for your lovely words Marlena, I am sure that you are a wonderful person and friend too
Author Lishy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 He just text me "you broke my heart" This is bringing back memories of my ex ex - My sons dad, he sent me texts like that and would take overdoses ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
marlena Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Lishy honey, Unless you have more evidence to go on, do not compare him to your ex, who from what I recall, had major problems.
sedgwick Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Why can't you be with him? What are the dealbreakers for you? If you want, I can give you my ex's number so you can get some pointers on how to ignore someone and totally not give a sh*t.
Ronni_W Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 He just text me "you broke my heart" ...memories of my ex ex - sent me texts like that and would take overdoses Lishy, Don't let this guy manipulate you out of doing what is in your heart as the best thing to do for yourself. Marlena is so right that those are just the same words, and not the same person or situation as your prior experience. In any event, you are not responsible or accountable for the dumb choices that others make - which overdosing isn't a smart choice, in my books. Stay strong! (((hugs)))
sandrawg Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Hi Lishy You sound pretty sure of yourself hon-that he is just not right for you. Can you just distract yourself, so that you won't be thinking about him so much? Go out with friends...go dancing, or to a nice restaurant...flirt with some hot guys I'm not saying to find a rebound...but just get out there and meet people so you can know there are other fish in that great big sea. Maybe also start deleting his texts, before you even read them.
D-Lish Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Not a very mature answer!! If you know what you want,as hard as it may be, stick to it, Lishy. I am not a great supporter of second/third/fourth chances. Every time I did it, it was a disaster. P.S. You are a great person and I am willing to bet, a great friend!!! No, but probably an honest one. I think it's easier sometimes to move on when one can cling to a reason- and as most of us know- getting angry is a great motivator for moving on. OP can't alter her own ethics and be a jerk in order to help him move on.... he needs to make that happen for himself. Can't prolong contact with someone simply because you feel sorry for them. It doesn't do anyone any good. In the long run, he'll be thankful you weren't a jerk... He'll take away from this experience that sometimes "things just don't work out"... instead of "all women are b****s". Which might be the difference between carrying on as a jaded man, or a man that understands that sometimes things don't click. I've felt sorry for ex's in the past and continued to appease them with contact and conversation... that has left me feeling compromised- and has often led to a restraining order...lol. It's okay to feel the way you do- so don't second guess it and stand by your decision. You'll feel better if you handle it this way too.
Author Lishy Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I don't class him the same as my ex - I know he wont take overdoses but for a while last night I was really stressed that I had upset him - It has taken week and weeks for him to realise this is serious! That is sad for him I have had time to know it is over but he probably thought it would all blow over Sedge, it would take pages to explain my reasons but the main problems were his childishness and immaturity in dealing with problems and lack of communication, we didnt talk and things built up. The reason we did not talk was because he would just not listen I know I do not want to be with him, I just feel bad that he is feeling so bad!
tealeafbud Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Lishy, I totally know how you feel. I'm one of those minorities on the board that broke up an engagement for many many reasons. I think when I wrote them all out, there were 38 or 42, something like that. And I still questioned whether I did the right thing at times. But only during times of struggle. I know that is messed up, but I've since come to my senses that I did the best thing for me. There were times post relationship where she'd contact me and be all confused, and sad, etc, and I'd feel bad, and vice versa (one time), but I think we know in our hearts it wasn't meant to be, and it would never be the same. We were just too different, and had different outlooks in the world and in life. She needed someone more like her, in my opinion. Anyhoo, trust your heart and your instincts. I like what D-Lish said about how you can't prolong contact just because you feel sad for them. And I'm glad she replied because I thought you two were the same persson, and my simple mind got confused.
Author Lishy Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I agree that I need to just do what is right for me and let him deal with his own emotions. I just find it hard as I am not a mean girl and I feel bad that I hurt a guy I love!
journey1 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 :love:And he has hurt the girl he loves!!! Its not your problem anymore....you both tried. And now its time to walk away! Its so f'in hard and its a daily struggle but why delay the inevitable??? Since I have let go of all HOPE.....I feel almost freer and other men dont sense my sadness anymore. Its a new life and sometimes a very lonely one.....but...keep faith that your inner and outer beauty will attract a new flame! :love:
Author Lishy Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I do not have trouble meeting new men, I just dont want one! They are all more trouble then they are worth!
journey1 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I know......I am trying to convince myself that I will feel what I have felt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am scared and very hurt...but trying to be hopeful and positive!
Author Lishy Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I know......I am trying to convince myself that I will feel what I have felt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am scared and very hurt...but trying to be hopeful and positive! You WILL feel it again J, hopefully better than last time! I dont have fears about meeting anyone new, as I dont want to, but I still know I can love and be loved again when I am ready and so can you!
9Lives Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 lish i was following your thread cause i could totaly understand. how is it going. did you give him another chance
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