lovestruck818 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I had a very rough, very sad weekend. I ended things wtih my (ex) boyfriend Friday night. Basically we had a lot of differences but the big one is that I wanted to get married and he didn't...to anyone...ever, so to me it was pointless to even continue it. In my mind, I was hoping he would come back or prevent me from breaking up with him and say "I love you, and I will change my ways" (the marriage thing wasn't the only problem we were having). He didn't...and that was/is even harder to swallow b/c I am contemplating whethe ror not he even loved me. During my greiving period in which is still going on, my best friend called me and said she got engaged, 5 months into the relationship. While that is crazy and I am happy for her, a part of me is jealous and hurt b/c I wanted that with my ex and I didn't get it and she got it after only a measly 5 months. I am still hoping he comes back to me and changes and want to be with me. I thought he was my soulmate and it going to be very hard to love someone else again. I am soooo hurt and devastated and confused on his feelings...and my friend's bliss isn't helping things. (Besides the fact I am nervous that she jumped into this without thinking it through and will regret it- b/c it's stoo soon). Anyway, anyone have anything I can do to ease the pain? This weekend alone I finished 2 bottles of vodka and a bottle of rum. Help!
quankanne Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 lay off the drinking. All you're going to get is an ugly hangover, and nothing will really have changed because you will have only just mired yourself in your problems/hurt. as hard as it is, focus on being happy for your friend, even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped in your relationship. Because she will desire your support even as she commiserates with you, and I think you may just be the kind of gal who'd give that kind of support, you know? as for YOUR break-up ... ooh, that's a rough one, investing all those feelings and that time in someone you felt sure about. I do know this from experience, though: No matter how badly you feel your heart has been trounced by some guy who had a different idea about loving you than you do/did him, your experience is something that will help you grow and help you find the love you're ultimately meant to have. you're still going to hurt and grieve, but love will find you, and you're going to look back on all of this and realize that even though things didn't turn out the way you'd hoped, it was still a good experience because you learned to love and to give of yourself; that your Great Love will ultimately benefit from this experience. no more old-lady, "it's gonna be just fine" talk, just a few hugs, okay? quank
chacha7 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I have a somewhat similar situation, and I wrote about it in the friendship section, but I don't think anyone replied. My ex bf and I who were going out for 2.5 years broke up about a week and a half ago and NC ever since. My best friend on the other hand is dating this guy for 8 months and they are moving in together next week! I guess I was jealous bc my bf never said he ever wanted to live with me or wanted to marry me or create some sort of real life with me and we had been going out way longer. I never let her know that though. Other friends of hers expressed their annoyance or displeasure with her moving in with this guy, but I always try really hard to remain positive, even though I don't necessarily like the guy either. I'm kind of worried for her, bc I feel like they are moving in together so quickly bc they can't stand living at home, but I don't tell her that...I just feel like she doesn't really want my honest opinions, so I act kind of critical, but support her. That's all I can do. The thing is I have been trying to avoid her a little more because it's just annoys me to be around her talking about how wonderful everything is, when I have no one. So that would be my advice...keep your distance and DON'T compare yourself to her. that will make things worse. We are on our own course and just that fact that we post on her shows that we think before we act and that will serve us better in the end, I hope!!! Good luck!
chacha7 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Also, I never pressured my ex bf to ever get married or anything, and I don't believe in moving in before marriage. The thing is I just want a guy who knows he wants to be with me and can't wait to marry me and move in with me, and I think that is what you want too. It shouldn't be so confusing and it shouldn't be some woman forcing some guy into it. Hopefully our situation just helps us move forward to finding that kind of love. Also don't drink that much!!! Go workout, that helps me.
Author lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 This is not getting any easier....he wont even talk to me. It's like I meant nothing.
carhill Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Listen, I know it's hard, but you "ended" things with him. Perhaps he is practicing his own version of NC to heal himself. That is advice often given here on LS during/after breakups. No one knows what the future will bring. I hope you and your BFF can love and support each other during this time. That's really special, to have that kind of a relationship. Perhaps, in a roundabout way, her engagement can help you heal. I know it sounds odd, but open your heart to it
Author lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Listen, I know it's hard, but you "ended" things with him. Perhaps he is practicing his own version of NC to heal himself. That is advice often given here on LS during/after breakups. No one knows what the future will bring. I hope you and your BFF can love and support each other during this time. That's really special, to have that kind of a relationship. Perhaps, in a roundabout way, her engagement can help you heal. I know it sounds odd, but open your heart to it It worse too b/c I know she rushed into it. She's very insecure, she's desperate, she has low self-esteem...so does he. While they are perfect for eachother, I fear no one thought this out. And that worries me more b/c I do want to see her happy and I don't want to see an engagement broken off or possibly a divorce. She told me she said yes to him because she doesn't think she will find someone else. That, to me, is not a reason to say yes to someone.
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