movingonandon Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 After two months post-breakup, I think that the hardest part to get over with is not the anger, and not even the fact that i miss her, but remembering all the times in which I wasn't nice or understanding to her. Go figure. But memories of such "less than good boyfriend moments" really eat me alive for several weeks now. I'm not talking abuse or even deliberate mistreatment - never done either of those. It's things like she'd come meet me at the airport all excited and I'd be grumpy because she was late... (Things like that are not why she broke up, but surely have helped steer her on that path). Obviously, now's too late to fix any of that, I guess i just need to become numb.
Meaplus3 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 After two months post-breakup, I think that the hardest part to get over with is not the anger, and not even the fact that i miss her, but remembering all the times in which I wasn't nice or understanding to her. Go figure. But memories of such "less than good boyfriend moments" really eat me alive for several weeks now. I'm not talking abuse or even deliberate mistreatment - never done either of those. It's things like she'd come meet me at the airport all excited and I'd be grumpy because she was late... (Things like that are not why she broke up, but surely have helped steer her on that path). Obviously, now's too late to fix any of that, I guess i just need to become numb. Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you any where. I think you need to dust yourself off and get back out there, or simply just do something for Yourself that you enjoy. AP:)
LateBloomer Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 In all likelihood, there were things about her that triggered those "less than nice" traits in you. Either way, you see them now and believe it or not you can work on them. I know it's hard and it takes time to get over pain. But you can look at relationships back with sadness and regret ... or as preparations for the next one. Think of a local city sports league. If you keep the same team over time (ie., you) and keep everyone practicing (ie., the parts of you) improving on the weak spots ... eventually you'll score a championship. Easier said than done, but hopefully you can see the logic.
Author movingonandon Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you any where. I think you need to dust yourself off and get back out there, or simply just do something for Yourself that you enjoy. AP:) interesting point - is feeling sorry for mistreating her in such ways is in fact mee feeling sorry for myself for (helping in) screwing this up? i'll think about it, but you might be right.
Author movingonandon Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 In all likelihood, there were things about her that triggered those "less than nice" traits in you.. oh, sure, but whe you love somebody you're supposed to accept their shortcomings and work with them on their insecurities, rather than demand perfection, which is what i did...
Mending1985 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I do that all the time. Think "If only I'd understood him more this time" or "If only I hadn't done this to him" but I raised all this with my ex a couple of months ago (we've been split up for 2 years) and he said to me "I don't hold it against you. You're now aware of your actions, and what you could've done differently, so the next relationship you have with somebody, make sure you remember that so you don't have the same regrets if it ends" So I guess try to think of the things you did wrong as lessons, and make sure you do it differently with the next person.
sedgwick Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 If I thought that my ex felt even one second of regret or remorse over dumping me, it would mean so much. It always amazes me to know that guys feel anything at all!! I wish I could apologize for all the times I was a less-than-perfect gf too. I tried so, so, so hard to show him that he was the most precious and beautiful thing in the world to me but now I'm feeling that I should have given more. I wish he could truly understand what a huge thing it was to me for me tell him I loved him unconditionally. I never said that to anyone in my life besides him. I wish it could have meant something!!!
Author movingonandon Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I never do this. I'm perfect mee too, and that's exactly the true reason for me acting like a jerk towards her occasionally - inability to tolerate faults (neither in me, nor in anybody else). Obsession about getting things right (i.e. "ok, now I'm settled, WTF are you doing not finishing your degree yet so we could start a life at the same place?!?")
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