cbconfusedaboutlife Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Ive been married for 12years, we have had our ups and downs, some would call it bumps in the road. However, in the last few months I feel like things are going towards the worst. First of all, I need everyone to understand that I love my HUsband, I truly do. Here's some history: together we have five kids, (3 are mine and 2 his). three years ago we received custody of his children, through protective services, so there were issues right way when we got the kids. As time passed things werent working out, there was alot of competition between a couple of the kids, I am sure there was resentment from the kids too. I worked hard on trying to make everything work, but as the days went by things got harder and harder to the point where he and I separated. I was so devastated, I didnt know what to do or say. It put me into a depression, I hated my life with out him in it. So I tried to do what I needed to do to get him back, to bring him home, but he was set and in some ways happy. Up until 3 months went by and then he realized some of the things that I had tried to talk to him about was happening, lets just say his daughter did alot of manitaltion and even though he probably knew it from the beginning he didnt want to face it. by this point he was ready to come home, but know he had a problem, his kids were at a new school, which is better then the school district we live in. so he continued to stay there at his moms, until he had enough.. well he has since moved home however his kids live at his mothers, the mother in law does everything he or should I say we should be doing. I try talking to him about he doesnt even seem to care. It has gotten to the point were the man has no responsibilities. So he does what he wants. In the last few months things have gotten to the point were he goes to the bar almost every night. sometimes he stays there to 3-5 oclock, just hanging out. I found myself for the first time in my marriage being insecure about it. So I came out and asked if there was another women, and he said," stop your accusations and that I was too insecure". another problem is that in a way he reminds me of the fact that he lives with his mother, like yesterday when we went to the mall and he applied for a credit card, the lady asked if the correct address was on the back, which happens to be the mothers address, and he said yes. then when asked for the phone number he gave his mothers phone. he might not realize, but that is a slap in my face. like hahaha, i can leave anytime and I dont have to worry cause I have a place to go. it just seems the longer i am married the harder its getting. I just dont know what to do anymore. I think about the kids, and think how on fear it is know his mother is raising my step kids. and the thoughts of my husband hanging out in the bar worries me, this type of bar he goes to is a sit down, no dancing, just alot of old timers talking about the good old days.. I hate going there because I dont fit in, just not my type of crowd. I am the type lets get a few drinks have a good time and leave, not sit there until way after it closes.. I hate it............I hate my life right now.........
tealeafbud Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 cbconfused, you really need to put things into perspective. it sounds like he isn't the man that you married. it sounds like he has a drinking problem and is not very responsible. Now, if he were more responsible and looking for work and was contributing somehow, that would be different. But he seems like he is going through a phase. I would tell you to stay away from this person, but you are married to him. maybe you should consider a divorce and try and let go.
Author cbconfusedaboutlife Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I have reached a point where I know I deserve better, but the problem is I dont know how to do it. Meaning, let go. I have feeling he is getting ready to leave again, I just keep telling myself that if he does I can not go through this again.
sedgwick Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 "and think how on fear it is know his mother is raising my step kids" What exactly does this sentence mean? "Think how on fear it is know?" I'm confused...his mom is raising his kids and this makes you fearful? You feel that you're spending too much time thinking about it? Is "on fear" supposed to be "unfair?" Can you clarify? Also, what is manitaltion?
Author cbconfusedaboutlife Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Yeah that was a type o, it should of said I feel it is unfair that the mother n law is raising his children while he sits in a bar, hanging out with friends. I dont even think he realizes how much his kids need him. or how I need him, or how my kids adore him. he just doesnt get it.....
Author cbconfusedaboutlife Posted September 4, 2008 Author Posted September 4, 2008 Well he did it again.. He went out yesterday and stayed gone until this morning at 4am.. When trying to talk to him, he insisted that he was tired and that there was nothing to talk about.. of coarse I had to ask, dont you want to be with me, he responds by sayin if I didnt why would I bother coming home. he went to work, but I can not let this rest, so I called him. I asked if he was working and he said yes and I told him we need to talk about this, and of coarse I had to say it all over again, "dont you want to be with me," and really doesnt respond, so I told him, "somethings gotta change", and he said, "yes a new scenery". Then I got on the defense and said, "if you want to leave then just do it, I can not make you stay" he said, we would talk later, and of coarse being mad I said when tomorrow morning when you come home from the bar. I love this man so much.
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