marcus0884 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 OK just a bit on me. I belive and have been told I am a good looking guy..I'm no johnny depp, but not bad. I am 24 and in fire/ems training, working full time as a case worker.-- at this point in my life I have given up all the parties and crazy nights and just wanna settle down and have a lasting relationship. Ok now looking back I have been single for 5 months . Up until a few weeks ago I started talking to a new girl via..you guessed it..myspace. Now thats the first time thats ever happend to me...most girls ive dated/ been with have been my former classmates in college or friends of friends. I took a chance and started talking to her..eventually met her and things were..lack of a better word..perfect. She was pretty cute and a good girl. Very family orientated and generally all around good girl. we seemed to fit like a glove. and might I add she seemed VERY into me.. I didnt kiss her till the second time I saw her as I want to take things slow. Ok now I have only seen her twice in the past two weeks due to my busy schedule. And she suddenly says that she wants to be just friends..shes not attracted to in that way.... In retrospect , I clearly didnt see that coming and have taken an understanding several possibilities as to why the sudden change of heart. I got pissed-off and told her she was a waste of my time lol woops. I can be a jerk true but I am a good guy. My female friends say im a knight in shining armor with a twist. Im not full of myself first off and Im generally just shocked. My take on this is..ok WTF I finally find a sweetheart and shes suddenly not attracted after she seemed so into me. ie talking on the phone 4hrs a night..she was talking to me as if i was already her bf and she couldnt wait till she saw me again according to her. question: Should I try again with her a few days down the road ( maybe she was just pissy) or should I just call it a loss and yell NEXT! I have only really spent two days with her in person and think that if she gets to spend more time with me she'll see the better side of me and what I have to offer -fyi .. I dont tolerate much at all once a girl rubs me the wrong way im usually done for good with them...just something about this girl. Its gonna be a tough fire to put out lol --
Author marcus0884 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I know there is so many grammer errors in there but im dead tired.
BCCA Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Well, live and learn. You did a few things that are not good for building interest in the early parts of a relationship. Talking on the phone for 4hrs is almost always excessively long, but in the begining its just a bad idea. You want to always chat for a bit, and have to go. You dont want the girl to get the idea that your life revolves around waiting for her calls and 4hr conversations less than a few months into the relationship. The 'chase' is nonexistent if you know what I mean. I am trying to be honest, so sorry if this is harsh, but I would chalk this one up as a loss. Once you've been 'friended' you're not likely to get out of that situation easily (this could be a result of the 4hour conversations I mentioned - you dont want to turn into her shoulder to cry on until she's earned it). I wouldnt think a couple of days is going to change much. You dont say 'I dont like you like that' because you were having a bad day. If you're in the friend zone, decide if youre really ok with JUST being friends, or if its even worth it (which I would say its not). At this point, shes made a distinction and you're chances of stirring up something romantic are not great. If you really have a flame for her, give it 3-6 months and see if you can get a date, and take it from there. She isnt going to be interested in seeing who you are and taking a chance on dating you right now. You should probably just move along. I wouldnt spend anymore time on this, but I understand you have to do what you have to do.
Author marcus0884 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Sigh yeah thats exactly what I was thinking in the back of my mind but I just couldnt get it out of there. Ugh guess my ego is shot down pretty bad. And what I seriously regret was that two other girls have been really interested in me but I just havent given either one the time of day. Mostly because I don't want to be a playboy anymore...because I kind of was for awhile. But like you said ..live and learn. What a loss for me. Geez the feeling sucks though. I understand what you mean about the "friend zone" ugh god knows we've all been there. I stay clear of that. My female friends are girls I absolutely no attraction to since they are friend's/brother's wives or coworkers. I still wanna give it a few days and i guess ''check'' on the friend zone status haha ah god good thing is I never really take my hardships seriously. Guess thats why im in EMS/FIRE. Hey but thanks for your input.
BCCA Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Dont let it hurt your ego too bad. Thats one girl out of the millions out there. I know exactly where you're coming from about being a playboy, but listen to me: there is nothing wrong with casually dating more than one girl. Until one of them demands a relationship from you and you're interested, you are doing nothing wrong by keeping your options open. The more people you go out with and meet, the better chance you have of finding the right one. I would honestly give it more than a few days. Please, by all means, do what you want, but I dont think thats enough time to check back in on your status. You haven't had enough time to build up any attraction, and you'll end up falling deeper into the friend pit lol. Take it easy.
verve Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Don't take it personally, remember attraction ISN'T a choice and no amount of convincing, being nice or buying gifts can change that. When dating you have to be very careful not to be too nice or friendly, I'm not saying act like an abusive loser jerk but 'nice guys' don't cause attraction, be a little mysterious, lean baaaaaaaaaaack and be cool, throw a few mixed signals out there and convey you have options. All of these are attractive traits (genetically these are hard-wired in to us and we feel attraction for this attributes at an unconscious level) and will get you far. And remember, if one situation doesn't work, simply move on to the next! There are more girls out there of the type you are looking for than you could ever possibly meet.
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