allanDR Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Some time I might actually post the whole story, but it's incredibly complex and embarrassing how many times I've set up myself up to be hurt. I am a goddamn fool. My ex cheated on me (again, complicated) while in a LDR and i ended it. She begged me to give her another chance and I did. After agreeing, she slowly gave me more and more details over the summer... she's living with the new guy, she's dating him... eventually she tells me she's in love with the new guy, but it in no way affects how she feels about me. Any sane person would have ended all contact, but I didn't. I still had hope it would work. Nearing the time when we were to see each other again, she started saying how she really doesn't think things can work, how she hopes we can become friends first and then see how we feel. It became ME begging her to give this a chance. I fell for it all. So I see her, and I almost immediately realize she's no longer in love with me. I ask her why the hell did she do this, why lead me along all summer giving me hope this was meant to work. Her response, I knew a while ago it wouldn't work but I was too scared to admit it to myself. Well thanks a ****ING lot. I ask her if she's in love with me. Her response: "I don't know" then "I'm in love with what we had." I asked her if "wants it to work" not if she thinks it can work, her answer: "I don't know." All this a week after her telling me she's still in love with me and wants things to work out. I want the last year of my life back....................... I left telling her I doubt we'll ever see each other again, and I was distraught on the drive home. I've never felt worse in my entire life. But really quickly, I realized how good it feels for it to finally be over and I called her when I got home, saying I hope we can see each other once more, just to say bye the right way, where we both know it's done for good, because I really felt ok with it being done. She emailed me the other day saying how much she truly misses me, how she wants to do all these activities we used to love doing together and says she knows it will be uncomfortable for a while but she's willing to stick around until it isn't and how hard this is for her. She wants us to spend time together. I could go on. I can't take this anymore. She is out of her mind and for some reason I can't understand I'm still in love with her and care about her deeply, she's just immature and maybe the most selfish person I've known. I can't tell if she's oblivious to how deeply she has hurt people or if she doesn't care. I wish we could stay friends, but there's just way too much between us now. I thought that if we were still in love, it would triumph over everything else. Well holy ****ing ****, I was wrong. I wish she could have just told me: "I'm not in love with you, I'm in love with another man" so I could finally have an answer after all of this. But I'm going to see her soon, and it will be the last time for a loooong time. I can't deal with her anymore. I can't be friends with someone who has caused me nothing but stress and misery for the past year, no matter how deeply in love I used to be with her, and maybe still am. I just can't let myself get close to her again, she's broken my heart three times (wtf is wrong with me). I don't want any sympathy, I knew what a huge mistake all this could turn out to be, but I did it anyway. I just wanted to get it out. Be careful people.
nickelinadime Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I think you should cancel your meeting with her. You will find someone who won't string you along like she did. No contact until you feel nothing more for her anymore in terms of romance, is the way to go. Hope that helps.
Author allanDR Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I think you should cancel your meeting with her. You will find someone who won't string you along like she did. No contact until you feel nothing more for her anymore in terms of romance, is the way to go. Hope that helps. I kind of surprised myself in that I think I could see her and really not feel that overwhelming affection that I once had for her. I really think I could, and I feel like it would be really great to be able to do that. And while I'm OK not being in a relationship with her anymore, I'm not OK being her friend either, because she's treated me like **** for the past year. There's just nothing much to like about her. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm just kidding myself.
movingonandon Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 wow, i will never be able to tell if this is 100% true, but your story I think gives me a preview of what could have happened if I had given in to my ex's half-hearted attempt to come back (i.e string me alone like you). THe circumstances were pretty similar - LDR, she's getting close to naother guy, dumps me (twice) and a week later hooks up with him. 2 months later she calls to se "if everything is really over between us" and that she "loves me". I don't have any of this and tell her, admittedly abit rude and ambivalent, that there is absolutely no point in her trying to talk to me if she's still with that other guy. ALl contact stopped, and I doubt I'll ever hear from her again, though I made it clear that there may ba 0.1% chance if she does all the right things and takes all the risk... I'm saying all this simply to reiterate, mostly to myself, that had I not done this, in all likelihood I would have ended in your shoes. I will never be completely sure, but none of this could work with the dynamics of the situation you describe...
Author allanDR Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 wow, i will never be able to tell if this is 100% true, but your story I think gives me a preview of what could have happened if I had given in to my ex's half-hearted attempt to come back (i.e string me alone like you). THe circumstances were pretty similar - LDR, she's getting close to naother guy, dumps me (twice) and a week later hooks up with him. 2 months later she calls to se "if everything is really over between us" and that she "loves me". I don't have any of this and tell her, admittedly abit rude and ambivalent, that there is absolutely no point in her trying to talk to me if she's still with that other guy. ALl contact stopped, and I doubt I'll ever hear from her again, though I made it clear that there may ba 0.1% chance if she does all the right things and takes all the risk... I'm saying all this simply to reiterate, mostly to myself, that had I not done this, in all likelihood I would have ended in your shoes. I will never be completely sure, but none of this could work with the dynamics of the situation you describe... I ****ed up big time. Live and learn I guess. The more I think about, the less of a chance that I'll be willing to see her again.
ahhhchooo Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 She screwed you over big time... move on, don't even contact her. Don't tell her anything, don't give her the satisfaction
Author allanDR Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 She screwed you over big time... move on, don't even contact her. Don't tell her anything, don't give her the satisfaction It's certainly going to be weird when I see her when I visit my friends. It's not like it would be the end of the world running into her, I'd just rather avoid her or at least be civil, but I doubt that will happen. Also, I still hope that years from now, maybe she'll grow the **** up and we can be friends. Is that a pipe dream?
ahhhchooo Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Dunno mate... same boat. Personally after getting over ex's in the long term, I've never gone back to being friends with them, never really wanted to that much. I always think they're god's gift at the time or think there really can be a great friendship salvaged at the time, but once the feelings leaves there's always the "what's the point?" thing. You don't want to get back into something that's going to turn out badly, and anything less than a relationship seems pointless. Of course, I'm not saying I wouldn't want to be friends with my ex right now in the long term, just I'll probably change that perspective a year or two down the track. You know I think that even if you’ve had a relationship with someone or let’s say, especially if you’ve had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it’s very difficult. It’s hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each others tricks. It’s like two magicians, trying to entertain each other. The one goes, “Look, a rabbit.” The other goes, “So? I believe this is your card.” “Look, why don’t we just saw each other in half and call it a night?, Okay?”
BCCA Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I think once you've decided that there is no way you and this person can ever be involved in a relationship again the idea of a friendship is kind of pointless. Truth be told, you could probably both care less about who the other is dating or what each other has been up to. Once Ive reached the point of indifference, I have no need for an ex in my life. To me, with the relationship goes the friendship. My $0.02
Author allanDR Posted September 7, 2008 Author Posted September 7, 2008 It's all over for good. I called her last night saying this is last she's going to hear from me. I was tempted to just ignore her completely but that didn't seem right. She said she still thinks we can friends and I said I don't understand how she can possibly think that. There is total disconnect. I said who knows what the future holds, maybe sometime. I wished her the best and said goodbye for the last time. I just wish it hadn't ended like this. I lost my best friend but I felt like there was nothing else I could do. If she was really a friend of mine she would've treated me with at least a tiny bit of respect. What else is there to do? Delete her number, throw out all those old love notes. Try to forget how horrible she's made me feel and focus on all the wonderful time we spent together... try to forget how the person I used to love turned into an immature, manipulative, selfish bitch, or maybe just that I finally realized who she was. In all honesty I doubt we will ever speak again. It's really hard having the person you've talked to almost every day for the past 2 years be gone for good.
foxh1234 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 It's all over for good. I called her last night saying this is last she's going to hear from me. I was tempted to just ignore her completely but that didn't seem right. She said she still thinks we can friends and I said I don't understand how she can possibly think that. There is total disconnect. I said who knows what the future holds, maybe sometime. I wished her the best and said goodbye for the last time. I just wish it hadn't ended like this. I lost my best friend but I felt like there was nothing else I could do. If she was really a friend of mine she would've treated me with at least a tiny bit of respect. What else is there to do? Delete her number, throw out all those old love notes. Try to forget how horrible she's made me feel and focus on all the wonderful time we spent together... try to forget how the person I used to love turned into an immature, manipulative, selfish bitch, or maybe just that I finally realized who she was. In all honesty I doubt we will ever speak again. It's really hard having the person you've talked to almost every day for the past 2 years be gone for good. Make sure you don't contact her again or accept any from her. It will be hard but you have to do it. I have been there and it is the hardest thing in the world to cut someone out of your life that was so important. In my case lovers and best friends for 8 years. You have to go NC for your sanity and so you can move forward and put this person in the past. In a few months you will start to feel better and a year from now you will not care what she is doing. Stay strong and get over her. We are always here to help and to talk.
Author allanDR Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Make sure you don't contact her again or accept any from her. It will be hard but you have to do it. I have been there and it is the hardest thing in the world to cut someone out of your life that was so important. In my case lovers and best friends for 8 years. You have to go NC for your sanity and so you can move forward and put this person in the past. In a few months you will start to feel better and a year from now you will not care what she is doing. Stay strong and get over her. We are always here to help and to talk. It's not so much missing being in love that hurts. Part of me wanted to try to stay friends so badly because we had so much fun together, but I couldn't even view her as a decent person any more. Even right now it wouldn't bother me that much to see her with another guy. I just couldn't stand talking to her anymore. Everything I liked about her disappeared.
yongyong Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I just don't get it. If she just wanted to be left alone but still tells you that she loves you, that still doesn't make sense. You still had a hope even though you knew she was being banged by another guy?? If I don't want to see her ever again, I would try to sleep with her and tell her current bf about it. she totally deserves it.
Author allanDR Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 I just don't get it. If she just wanted to be left alone but still tells you that she loves you, that still doesn't make sense. You still had a hope even though you knew she was being banged by another guy?? If I don't want to see her ever again, I would try to sleep with her and tell her current bf about it. she totally deserves it. As much as I'd like that, it's not going to happen. I don't even know if she's technically dating him at the moment. She's gone now. Yeah, she told me days before I saw her that she's still in love with me but she wonders if things can still work out, after telling me all summer how she wants to try to work at things. It was just really screwed up, for the first month of the summer she kept telling me how she's going to do everything in her power to make me trust her again. I dumped her so I couldn't blame her for finding someone else to live with, even though it sucked. She told me she didn't love him. Anyway, it was so gradual the way she kept telling me how she isn't sure she can make me trust her again. Like an idiot, it just made me want her back even more until we finally saw each other and I realized what a fool I had been.
nopainnogain Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Been there done that ,got the t-shirt. Leave that hoe in the dust!
movingonandon Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 so let me get this straight - she wants the two of you to nag out and see how things go while she's STILL with that other dude? Man, **** her. THis is not easy for me to say, because it seems my own ex is attempting to do exaclty the same thing (i.e. "attempt" to work on reconciliation without having dumped the other guy). No sane guy would do that. So both of us should get up and show there bitches the door, once and for all. It doesn't matter if she does not realise the consequences of her actions or is just selfish (i think the 1st is true for my ex). But, no relationship can work on such terms, so end it. I'm glad that you're on your way.
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