ahhhchooo Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 First part long story made short... Met a girl 2 years ago, became really good friends and spent pretty much all of our free time together, took things really slow and got together in November last year. Had been a long time since either of us had been with anyone. Fell in love, made plans, got destroyed. Doesn't seem like a long time, but it is when you spent most your life alone. Anyway... beginning of August, I notice she completely withdraws, avoids contact with me and starts blaming her life problems as the reason for it, tells me she needs some time alone to discover herself. Code for "I'm ****ing someone else". About mid-August she admits it and tells me she's been constantly crying because she thinks she made a mistake. Basically the guy was some hot stud she's had "butterflies" over every time she saw him for the last 5 years and he started stalking her and coming onto her strongly, she gave in. Awesome - great excuse to go back on all those words. We never had any problems, I treated her like a princess every single day and she treated me like absolute gold, except when I accidentally "ignored her" for a few hours, but that's another story, haha. Anyway.. this guy is a complete ******* to her right from the get-go, so she's jumped out the hot shower into the ice bath. He insults her up and down, doesn't bother to call her unless he's completely free or when he just wants her body. She constantly complains to me on MSN about how it "can't work" between them and she thinks she'll come back to me, but she has to give him a chance because she thinks she might be pregnant with his child. So... last night I get complete closure on the situation. She comes online, asking me to say something to make her laugh or smile to stop her from the constant crying. Yes siree, she's pregnant. "I hate this man", "I don't want him to be the father to my child", "I never dreamed my life could turn out this bad", etc. Am I supposed the be sympathetic here?! She chose this guy! Over me! And now she's complaining TO ME about it! WTF! She screwed me over in a big fashion and even refused to give me closure on the situation. So I just told her that she chose this life, she chose this man... now goto him. She wasn't too happy with that. Those were our last words exchanged. What the heck am I supposed to do now? Should I be obligated to be a shoulder to lean on, if I want to remain friends in the long run? She's a really nice person, she's just messed up. I don't want her to be unhappy.
nowhereman82 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 It's hard to be mean. But one also has to live with your own personal decisions. she now has a life time punishment for a bad decision. You are not obligated nor should you spend your emotional energy helping her. If you give her a little bit of support she will want more.
BCCA Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 How selfish can she even be to complain to you about it? I know its hard to be mean, but you will either have to be mean to her or yourself. That has to just suck to hear about how she is pregnant with this other guys baby. Dont put yourself through that, totally ignore her from here on out. Im sorry you had to go through this.
Author ahhhchooo Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Yeah it was pretty gutwrenching when she first started becoming certain she was pregnant and hearing her say "I hope he'll be responsible and ask for my hand in marriage some day if I am pregnant.". Her life really is going to suck.. from what I've heard about this guy he sounds entirely unresponsible, she's in a stage where she's flattered because he's fixated on her after he's spent his whole life screwing 1000 other girls. She's rather estranged from her parents and this will make matters worse, the only other person than me that really seems to care about her is her sister, who is already married with kids of her own. And she was raped by her sister's husband 4 years ago... which she will always keep a secret. So you see why I want to take care of her and look out for her after all she's done :/
verve Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 She isn't your problem anymore though, she gave up your care love and attention when you ended. You need to no contact her or you'll get sucked into the mess, which will no doubt have negative consequences and repercussions.
Author ahhhchooo Posted September 9, 2008 Author Posted September 9, 2008 Thanks for the replies.. yes, she's not my problem anymore. Well, she's my problem that I still love her, but I'm trying to move on from that. Update: I stopped talking to her for over a week now with absolute no contact. She turned up at my house after work crying and saying that she has absolutely noone in her life who cares about her, including her new boyfriend. She started apologising for what she did and telling me that I'm such a great person that I deserve someone and she hopes to God that I have a great life. That just made me feel worse. I pretty much didn't speak, and I told her that talking to her makes me feel like **** and not to contact me for a while. She pleaded that she needs someone to talk to.. I told her if she is in dire need of someone to speak to, she can put it in an email. It was really, really difficult to say that to her. I really miss her now
wareagle Posted September 9, 2008 Posted September 9, 2008 **** THAT dude!! She made her bed now she can lie in it!! You don't have to stick around and be her shoulder to lean on!! I am sure she has other friends and family that will listen to her whine and cry about the mistakes she made in her life!! She left you, plain and simple you were not good enough for her she thought the grass was greener on the other side!! WRONG!!! NC this chick ASAP!!! You don't want to be taking care of someone elses kid do you?
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