babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 When a guy is in a relationship with someone and has an online chat with another person (of a slight sexual nature) and tells her that he is kind of seeing someone but it isn't working out (when everything has been going perfect!) - why has he said that?!
xpaperxcutx Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 He's considering the possibility of 1)cheating on his current gf, or 2) breaking up with the girl and seeing the other girl. Either way, he's losing interest in the current girl he's seeing and exploring other options.
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 (when everything has been going perfect!) Perhaps things have been perfect from your perspective - but obviously not from his.
Trialbyfire Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I'm going to make the assumption that the existing relationship is perfect. What he's doing is manipulating the online partner to believe that he's focused on her, in order to set things up for a cheating situation, whether it's strictly online or with the intention to take it to real life.
carhill Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 why has he said that?! 1. He's going to break up with you. 2. He wants to spread his seed as far and wide as possible and will concoct any meaningful deception to achieve that goal It's not an either/or answer
paddington bear Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Yup, he's putting the feelers out...but keeping one foot in the door (sorry for the mixed metaphors) - rather than simply dump the girl who things are going badly with, he wants to set up someone else so he can jump straight from one girl to the next. I don't know why guys do this actually...why not just get out of the bad relationship and be single for a while, then hanging on in a bad situation and only leaving when they've met someone else better...sorry, VAST generalisation there, but it seems to happen a lot.
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 men are so confusing... i have never seen him apologise like what he did do when he realised he had been caught out. does that mean anything?
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I don't know why guys do this actually... BTW plenty of girls do this as well...
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 men are so confusing... i have never seen him apologise like what he did do when he realised he had been caught out. does that mean anything? Absolutely not.
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 so why bother going to so much effort to assure me that nothing was ever going to come of it and that it was just a stupid mistake?
paddington bear Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 BTW plenty of girls do this as well... I guess so...just never understand the utter fear of being on your own for a while. And the apologising...means he felt guilty as hell in my opinion - if I understood what you wrote correctly
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 so guilty that he knows it was wrong and wont do it again???
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 so why bother going to so much effort to assure me that nothing was ever going to come of it and that it was just a stupid mistake? Have you ever been caught lying?
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 so guilty that he knows it was wrong and wont do it again??? Feel free to believe whatever you want to believe. I think you are being way too naive.
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 i have been caught lying but not about something like that. and yes, i am way too niave.... at the same time i don't want to throw everything away if it was just something stupid he did. I just need to know if I can trust him
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 i have been caught lying but not about something like that. and yes, i am way too niave.... at the same time i don't want to throw everything away if it was just something stupid he did. I just need to know if I can trust him Trust him based on what??? Only time will tell whether he can be trusted or not.
carhill Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 OP, tell him exactly what you've told us and share your trust concerns honestly. Listen openly to his response. Save that. Watch his actions....carefully. The truth will find you
xpaperxcutx Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 so why bother going to so much effort to assure me that nothing was ever going to come of it and that it was just a stupid mistake? to alleviate his own guilt.
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 I have done everything i can to vent my frustrations... he still claims he want to be with me 100% and that he wouldnt be with me otherwise. he has always made it known to me that he will not tolerate cheating and this just makes it all the more confusing... i want to be with him. i want to be able to trust him... but part of me wonders what will be the next thing to come up...
paddington bear Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Oh dear, I don't know if you can trust him. He apologised a lot because he got caught red-handed doing something that he knew was wrong. I agree with Carhill, share your concerns, but keep an eye on him. It might be a chance for him to open up and say, well yes, I think we have problems regarding this and that, and rather than him running into the arms of another girl without resolving anything, you two can sit down and talk about what's causing him to tell someone else that your relationship is on the rocks so to speak
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Trust him based on what??? Only time will tell whether he can be trusted or not. My trust issue now is with the fact that i feel that i was betrayed by him speaking to that girl online... in a sexual manner.... taking her number... texting her and deleting the texts... lying about texting her in the first place... and also - telling her that his relationship wasn't working out.
xpaperxcutx Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I have done everything i can to vent my frustrations... he still claims he want to be with me 100% and that he wouldnt be with me otherwise. he has always made it known to me that he will not tolerate cheating and this just makes it all the more confusing... i want to be with him. i want to be able to trust him... but part of me wonders what will be the next thing to come up... You can't be in a relationship without trust. That would be like "sleeping with the enemy".
JoeNewbie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 My trust issue now is with the fact that i feel that i was betrayed by him speaking to that girl online... in a sexual manner.... taking her number... texting her and deleting the texts... lying about texting her in the first place... and also - telling her that his relationship wasn't working out. Well I think you have pretty much answered your own questions, no? He made a point that he will not tolerate any cheating but yet he's the one making a move on that girl? Come on...
carhill Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 OP, when I suggested to share your concerns, I meant specifically. In other words, tell him what you want. "I want to have access to all your xxx e-mail and xxx phone at any time" as an example. "The nature of your conversation with xxx is unacceptable to me and I have a hard time trusting you. If I am to continue in this relationship, I need to trust you. I want to show me that my loyalty is well-placed". Bla, bla... Remember, ask specific questions and make specific requests. Men don't read between the lines the same way as women do (save for guys like me ), so don't be ambiguous. If he waffles or gets defensive, let him eat a silence sandwich for a week (NC). You don't owe him anything.
Author babsie007 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 He actually offered me access to his emails and social netowrking sites for a week already - says he will do whatever it takes for me to believe him...
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