LateBloomer Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 It's been almost three weeks NC and seven post BC. My ex cut and run on me just when things were at their peak (at least from my perspective), wonderful bonding moments, trips to Europe, then the day after a return from camping in the redwoods, she was gone. No fight, no blow up, just an emotional shutdown of sorts. Sadly, internally she was dealing with some powerful issues that I still don't think she's faced. There was no discussion, no trying to work anything out. She was done and hit the ground running in the other direction at warp speed. She was my lover and best friend, who in the end turned on me in a way I will likely never understand. It was, and is, so incredibly harsh ... it has shaken ... and continues to shake me to the very core. We first met one year ago today. It's proving to be incredibly difficult for me. I feel like I was making so much progress just a couple of weeks ago. But for the past several days, it's just gotten worse and worse. All the memories of the recent good times preceding her cut and run haunt me. I get trapped here in my office suffering breakdowns. I'm doing all that I can: hanging with friends, tons of exercise, yoga, waiting for volunteer / mentor groups to partner me, professional help, medication, gratitude lists, journals, lists of her "negatives", etc... But man, it feels almost like day zero again. Holding on seems even harder than before for some reason.
nowhereman82 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I know this does nothing for you. But just chalk the day up as a down day. Tomorrow or the day after will be better. We aren't perfect so don't be hard on yourself. Sounds like you are doing everything you can at the moment and that's good. Imagine where you would be if you weren't doing those things? Keep it up! Type what you want to say to her in the coping section, there is a post titled post here instead of contacting your ex.
citizen67 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Hey man I had a bad day too. Just crying and thinking of him being with her and me being alone. I'm trying to hang onto "this too shall pass" I hope you are feeling better
BCCA Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 The road to recovery is a rocky one, but you'll be a stronger person when you get to the end. All you can do is worry about yourself, and remember that there are things that are out of your control, and so you cant worry about them. Whatever the ex does is of no concern to you any more. Worry about what youre going to do, plan some drinking nights with your friends, see some movies, find a date or two, just enjoy being alone. It's really not that bad once you get over the initial shock of the breakup.
Author LateBloomer Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 Thanks for the replies, kind words and wishes. You know, I'm starting to see a common theme on these boards. Those of use who love deeply, are sensitive, kind, caring and compassionate people ... have a hard time with this stuff. Makes sense. But I guess we all need to remember that all of those traits that cause us pain now are fundamentally good and noble things. Part of the double edged sword here is looking back too fondly. That love we had ... so strong ... can often cloud the reality of the past. We can forget the things about that other person which actually weren't so great, perhaps even real problems. In my case it was many things ... a constant emotional distance, persistent scolding and nagging, a desire (which I unfortunately gave her) to have all the power and control in the relationship, problems with intimacy (geez it feels good to type this), deep deep issues she hasn't even begun to deal with, selfishness, a unique type of self-centered-ness, and in the end a powerful and consistent fear of truly opening up and letting herself feel what could have been the greatest love of her life. Her loss. When you believe in love, perhaps a bit too strongly sometimes, it can trip you up. It can make it easy to forget all those "not so nice" things about the other person that (in my case) you may have been hiding from ... because love wants to believe, like its cousins, faith and hope. So thanks for helping me get up again, dust myself off, and keep swingin' for the rounds ahead. Seriously, thanks a ton. EDIT: I think the "one year since we met" thing was operating more strongly than I had realized. Hopefully, I've turned a small corner here today. I have actually been enjoying working on myself in various ways. As we all know, there are bumps in this road we walk.
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