smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 hey ive written another thread, about breaking up with my bf six months ago... the bit i really need advice on isssssss ... he has called me everyday for nearly six months nearly 2/3 times, when i have mentioned getting back he has said no, he doesnt think it will work etc, ive mentioned this two three times.So i say ok we are friends laughin and jokin and then he says oh isnt this the worst break up or invites me up for food or a cup of tea, i say yes but when i ask him he says no again and again,why is he constantly giving mixed signals then when i ask him something he says no... example: this wk we talked ALL week, on friday he said what was i up to i said goin to the pub with my friends, he texted me and said are you in the pub and i said yea ( but not the one he thought) i said why? he said he was gonna walk up for a drink thats all... I said oh right and said he could come to the other pub if he fancied but he didnt reply... Next day we talked all day practically again as he was working, after we got off the phone i texted and said if ur goin to the local pub gimme a shout ill pop in for one,he didnt text i went out with my friend to a local pub and he was there, i only stayed for one drink went over said hello and texted after sayin oh how come u didnt text , he didnt text back, he texted the next day sayin hello and i didnt text back and said hello again, i asked him why he didnt text back he said cause i was jus out with my friends i dont have to ask you anymore... I was like OK....Then i said your givin me mixed signals all week you talk to me then when it comes for a drink you wont meet me, he then said maybe be should cut back communication for a while so no mixed signals.. I said ok fair enough..That was that.... Can someone please give me insight to what they think i cant think anymore!!!!!!!!!
Cartwright Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Hey This is what my ex did to me for a year. He was always giving me mixed signals and didn't know what he wanted. But knowing that I cared about him so much i was always there for him no matter what and that is what he wanted the whole time. He wants you to still be there and not go anywhere yet. Dragging you on and on so you can be his backup plan. He needs to wake up and see that you are not going to always be there. Stop texting him now before it gets worse trust me. I let this go on for a year and now i have stopped and it is killing him so bad that he is having to see if he wants to get back with me or not. Don't do this to yourself be strong and just tell him that you need some space right now and move on with your life. He will keep doing this until you do something about it. I know it hurts and makes you mad but pls pls don't let him do this to you anymore. Show him that you don't need him and It will get to him. take care and if you need more advice let me know.
nowhereman82 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 read the article on no contact. He needs to be all in or all out. He isn't even being all in as a friend! Flaky SOB. He has no time for you it seems.
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Thanks Cartwright.... See I know all this as I am clever and id tell other people the same thing but it must be just the habit of me always doing this.. He knows im there and so therefore he can contact when he feels he wants its always been that way since I dont know when,..I remember a time when i had the control and he would chase me..somewhere I let it slip and he had control anyway im not going to dwell on that part and he figured she lets me get away with this when i always knew i could get away with nothing with him, if he did something id forgive him straight away if it was the other way around i would get silent treatment for three days..I knew not to do it again..I remember him saying ohhh your such a forgiver ( not so long ago) and i now know oh my god he is right..I cant let people do this!!.. So tell me how long you have had no contact and what was your outcome?..Has he contacted you?How long after did he contact you?
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 thats it nowhere man he is there during the week during his "working hours", i think he is using me when he is bored.. if he was just a "friend" he would be able to jus pop in or have a cup of tea wouldnt he jus seems he doesnt have the time and when he does its when he feels like it, i seem to jump at the chance cause i think ohhh i wont get to see him... I wouldnt mind he doesnt have much time for anyone really..Only himself it seems and his trucker mates..It really gets to me..... he use to have every second of the day for me...
nowhereman82 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 thats it nowhere man he is there during the week during his "working hours", i think he is using me when he is bored.. if he was just a "friend" he would be able to jus pop in or have a cup of tea wouldnt he jus seems he doesnt have the time and when he does its when he feels like it, i seem to jump at the chance cause i think ohhh i wont get to see him... I wouldnt mind he doesnt have much time for anyone really..Only himself it seems and his trucker mates..It really gets to me..... he use to have every second of the day for me... EXACTLY....just remind yourself of this everytime. Do not be a door mat! If he took you back now he would have a hold on you and you would be his puppet. That is not healthy for you. Turn the tables on him. Stick to NC. He will go absolutely nuts! He is exhibiting classic signs of a person that would react to NC.
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Hey nowhere man...THanks...I know see I tried to not contact him for a day or two (pathetic I know) But he kept texting and kept ringing and was like did i do something wrong etc etc etc.... When i finally text back I just say no i was busy and he would be all thats ok andn be ringing me and then askin me for food...Then when i was gettin mixed signals... Soooo what do i do in this case, just simply not reply at all? I dont want to be mean but as he always replies to me phone wise or txt wise but just never wants to spend time with me, so the phone is obviously his comfort, do I just take that away???
jgaz3124 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I know how you feel, as my ex was trying to do the same thing also. My ex broke up with me but insist that we stay friends and he knows I want more. So I told him that we could be friends in a couple of months when I have had the chance to heal and move on. He got really mad and said he didn't want to lose me. Well thats just to bad for him because I refuse to be a backup plan for him. I have not contacted him since about a couple of days and I feel I am getting more peace for it. Give yourself time to heal and don't give this guy the time of day as he is using you. Just remember you are worth more than that and if this guy wants you back then he will let you know he does and if that happens than and than it is up to you to decided if you want him back.
Cartwright Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 your welcome. I was with him for over a year and we had a great relationship. He just wanted to make sure it was right and dumped me to find out. (jerk) I would not talk to him after he did that to me for like 2months and he couldn't stand it. So he started texting me and we would meet each other every now and then. Well i let this go on and on until he came to me one night and told me that he couldn't do this anymore bc he knew it wasn't right to his gf. We have quit texting each other and don't get me wrong it is so hard. I love this man but I know that he needs to make up his mind about what he wants. I know him very well and how much we love each other so it won't be long and he will have to text me but I am going to be strong and show him that im not always going to be around until he makes up his mind. Sometimes in life we have to be strong and fight for what we want and If i have to move on and have nc with him then I will do it to find answers. Its hard but I deserve to know.
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Hey jgaz well you see i was the one who broke up, I wasnt sure of what i wanted and he wouldnt talk to me about it so i stuck to it and moved out, I really didnt want to but I wanted him to talk to me about it, weeks went on i had an op and he said then we could think about getting back in a few months what i meant to say at the time was I want and need you now but instead i said no once i break up thats it...I was too upset cause he hadnt wanted to talk before( i went on a few dates and he went mad but we had broken up, he didnt seem to have any interest),then in june i said ok look ive made a mistake and he said nooo too late...But then talks to me still everyday..I dont bloody get him...I think he thought oh it didnt work out with the other lad i went on the dates with but i only did that to try get on with things but had no interest...anyway now its this, the whole askin me up when he feels like it and wont meet when i ask, its bull , i know he doesnt want to lose me but i feel i have no choice but to cut it now as I have tried my best to get back with him he keeps regetting me,what more can i do? I'm lookin like a desperate idiot now, hes callin all the shots, when i got annoyed with him then he says well now we have to cut back so theres no mixed signals..Its his terms again...I just have to not contact,he knows im there when HE wants.. Has your ex tried to contact you since?why did you guys break up?If he doesnt want to lose you why not ask you back?
Cartwright Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 hey he has not contacted me in a week but trust me he has done this before. He will break down and want to talk to me when he wants. He broke up with me to find out if we was meant. But Im so confused bc he says that someday it could be me and him. He is just confused also and doesn't know what he wants so he is going to try to keep me around until he knows. It is so sad to know that the person i love and would give everything doesnt know if that is what he wants. No contact is something im going to do and something you will need to do also. I know one thing about our problem is that we deserve someone who wants to fight for us no matter what happens.
jgaz3124 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 We broke because for the last 6 months he has been pulling away from me and this in turn made a desprate mess. I wanted to move forward and he did not. I think I got to needy and all that good stuff. So we started fighting finally we ended it. He told me that throughout the relationship he had time to move on. So when it ended he didn't want to lose me for good he just wanted to be friends and not have a relationship. I was for that for about a week then I started planning my days to get him back. He told me that he never wants to get back together like that but he really wants to be friends. Well I told him I need to move on first then and then we can be friends. He got really mad we had a huge fight, I started crying and went home and haven't talked since. I think I am still really important to him(although not that important to be with.) I just refuse to be his friend then have him start dating another girl and not want to talk to me anymore, while I am still trying to get over the relationship because I could not move on while being his friend. Believe me I would love nothing more then to still have contact with him but I just respect and love myself enough to know that it is not the right thing to do for me.
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 wow cartwright u are strong!!!... I think im getting the same treatment as in he is keepin me around until he knows what he wants he says he knows but I know he doesnt because I truly believe if he didnt want me about he would just cut ties and thats that..I'm the one that wants him back,like you i suppose but things seem to be on their terms eh!..How o how do we get ourselves into these messes eh?.. But maybe im just feedin him he never says he misses me or anything he jus says oh this is the worst break up but then when i try push it thats it then he's gone.he is SOOO tough...We are ladies we need to be treated like queens..argh :-) I suppose we hav to take it away and if they dont come back well its their loss..I was in hospital twice this year and he didnt come visit me..Even though we broke up...But if he cared he would of i think..
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Guys I'm an idiot, i sent him a text sayin can you be honest with me and let me know if you never want to get back..He said no i dont want to get back.... I'm just after annoying myself BIGTIME but i suppose i got a straight answer...I'm not texting back and its given me more incentive to NC even though ive prob pushed him away further but feck it.... what am i like...
BCCA Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Guys I'm an idiot, i sent him a text sayin can you be honest with me and let me know if you never want to get back..He said no i dont want to get back.... I'm just after annoying myself BIGTIME but i suppose i got a straight answer...I'm not texting back and its given me more incentive to NC even though ive prob pushed him away further but feck it.... what am i like... You're not an idiot, you're normal. You're doing what people normally do after a break up. It's a big change in your life, a big hit to your ego, and a very emotional recovery period. You can't beat yourself up for sending the text, at least you got your answer. If nothing else, you've got closure. You really have to go NC from now on though. It's really going to be a long and painful road if you don't. Just take from it whatever experiences you can, and remember that there is nothing wrong with you, it just didnt work out with this person. There are a lot of people in the world, this just wasnt the right one.
Author smiley23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Thanks BCCA yea you are right i have closure even though he has told me in round about ways before he is now being blunt and I suppose thats the good thing ... I havent texted back and im not going to feck that im doing no more running around after this guy...I did everything and got nothing back in return thats no proper relationship and I just think I stayed cause i wanted to be with someone so bad as I haven't been single in YEARS for more than a month or two so maybe its about time I had some meeeee time and ill figure out just what I want in time.. Also I'm going through chemo at the moment and if he cant be bothered coming to visit me in hospital or be decent with me ah well, this is his loss and i know he will realise it:-) Ive well played my part in this relationship...
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