Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I think people do online dating because for whatever reason, they find it convenient for them. Let's just leave it at that.
lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I think people do online dating because for whatever reason, they find it convenient for them. Let's just leave it at that. well yeah but it says something about someone's character- desperation, perhaps? My college roommate met her boyfriend online. 5 months later they got engaged. That screams desperation if I ever saw it.
Art_Critic Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 well yeah but it says something about someone's character- desperation, perhaps? My college roommate met her boyfriend online. 5 months later they got engaged. That screams desperation if I ever saw it. or Jealousy
stefspets Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 well yeah but it says something about someone's character- desperation, perhaps? My college roommate met her boyfriend online. 5 months later they got engaged. That screams desperation if I ever saw it. This is exactly the type of comment that adds nothing to this discussion. Is there some correlation between getting engaged quickly and meeting online? Possibly, but you've drawn that conclusion from one case, and then labeled it desperate. I see no point in making such broad generalizations about people.
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 well yeah but it says something about someone's character- desperation, perhaps? My college roommate met her boyfriend online. 5 months later they got engaged. That screams desperation if I ever saw it. Not really, Lovestruck. There are many couples who met IRL and still rushed into commitments such as marriage. Still, just because they rushed into things, it doesn't necessarily mean they were desperate. There are a bunch of reasons as to why more and more people choose to online-date these days. See, I'm not into clubbing and hanging out at bars, I find dating co-workers unprofessional, and I'm not a flirty person so don't just out of blue smile at attractive guys I meet on streets. I personally chose to online date because it fits my personality and lifestyle, plus, it offers a lot of choices, it's a fun way to learn a lot about people before you get involved them and it's very easy to connect people. I'm attractive and not desperate. It's just a convenient way for me to meet people.
shockandawed Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Hi, my name is shockandawed and I am an online dater. I have to say, I too, take great offense in some of the completely moronic statements that come flying out when this topic comes up. Yes, I have met ladies who were married, misrepresented their appearance or weight, serial daters, loaded with baggage, phobics, pen pal-ers, etc... but I have also met some great and perfectly normal women. Now that I am out of a little, short term relationship, I will do it again. Why? Because for me, it fits me. I am 43, professional, with two teens. My weight and height is fairly appropriate, 200 lbs and 6'0". While I am not a movie star hunk, I am comfortable enough in my appearance and personality. My job is in Regional Sales, so in addition to having to carry a professional appearance, I obviously have social skills. So much for everyone being overweight losers afraid to get out in the real world... It allows me access to a broad spectrum of people I would never otherwise be exposed to. I realize not everyone does this, but I do read the profiles. If I see an attractive girl, but she says she likes guys with tatoos, motorcycles and country music, I am not going to contact her. IRL, if I was approaching people, I would not be aware of this and waste both of our time. Do I meet people who totally misrepresent their profiles? Absolutely, but there are tons of people who do the same thing IRL. Another reason is I am not comfortable invading someones space. Just because a woman is not wearing a wedding ring at the grocery store doesn't mean she wants to be hit on. It's like anything else, it's what you make of it. I have learned many of the warning signs. If a girl is hiding behind a pile of leaves, chances are she is hiding alot behind that pile. Like others have said, I will do a few emails and IM's, but if I don't see any real progress after that, I move along. I understand being cautious, but if someone isn't willing to have a phone call and a casual meeting in a very public place after a week or so, then they are probably hiding something. There are plenty of successes online and failures from IRL meetings. There are plenty of ways to meet people and people should use the tools that they feel comfortable with for them.
Bells Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Not really, Lovestruck. There are many couples who met IRL and still rushed into commitments such as marriage. Still, just because they rushed into things, it doesn't necessarily mean they were desperate. There are a bunch of reasons as to why more and more people choose to online-date these days. See, I'm not into clubbing and hanging out at bars, I find dating co-workers unprofessional, and I'm not a flirty person so don't just out of blue smile at attractive guys I meet on streets. I personally chose to online date because it fits my personality and lifestyle, plus, it offers a lot of choices, it's a fun way to learn a lot about people before you get involved them and it's very easy to connect people. I'm attractive and not desperate. It's just a convenient way for me to meet people. I think that's the problem with online dating...that's just it, it offers TOO much choice. Now I can understand not wanting to meet men in clubs or dating co-workers...but the later...meeting men in public, I don't see an issue with that, because that was the normal way to meet people. That's how my mom met my dad, they happened to be parked next to each othe ron the beach, they chatted and got together. Soemtimes meeting through friends while out in the group is another means. I knew some woman that left her singles group at church and chose online dating, because the single people there were "wierd" lol...I told her, "Why are you letting that stop ya? I think we're all weird to a certain extent" she said, "Well, they were just a bit socially inept." I was like "Hm, ookay". Now I dont totally discount Onlien dating together, however, I really think one should explore beyond online dating, I personally have put it less on my list of priorities of "meeting people".
lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 or Jealousy haha, with the man she's marrying...def. not...lol.
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I think that's the problem with online dating...that's just it, it offers TOO much choice. True, but I do not see any problem with that as long as you remain focussed on what you want. Now I can understand not wanting to meet men in clubs or dating co-workers...but the later...meeting men in public, I don't see an issue with that, because that was the normal way to meet people. That's how my mom met my dad, they happened to be parked next to each othe ron the beach, they chatted and got together. Wow, good for your mom and dad. Unfortunately, not all of us find talking to the guy parked next to me at the beach convenient Sometimes meeting through friends while out in the group is another means. This is how I met my ex-HB, and is one of the real-life ways of meeting people I feel comfortable with. However, I live in a new town and have not made that much friends, so for now, this one is not applicable to me. All in all, it again goes back to what makes people feel comfortable and suits them best. There's no right or wrong.
lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 True, but I do not see any problem with that as long as you remain focussed on what you want. Wow, good for your mom and dad. Unfortunately, not all of us find talking to the guy parked next to me at the beach convenient This is how I met my ex-HB, and is one of the real-life ways of meeting people I feel comfortable with. However, I live in a new town and have not made that much friends, so for now, this one is not applicable to me. All in all, it again goes back to what makes people feel comfortable and suits them best. There's no right or wrong. You're right in that there is no wrong or right and I'm not going to say people in real life are saints and online are the devil, but meeting someone from the internet can be scary. You don't know who anyone is! the picture could be fake, the profile could be fake- fck, it could even be someone of the same gender as you pretending to be someone of the opposite gender. Furthermore, the internet is a great way to hide a criminal record.
Bells Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Another reason is I am not comfortable invading someones space. Just because a woman is not wearing a wedding ring at the grocery store doesn't mean she wants to be hit on. Wanted to point this out...my answer would be..."Um....so?" This is a self-defeatist's attitude. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a woman without the ring on. What's the WORSE That could happen, right? Funny, my dad did the same thing, and now my parents have been married 35 years. Wow, good for your mom and dad. Unfortunately, not all of us find talking to the guy parked next to me at the beach convenient How is it not convenient?
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 You're right in that there is no wrong or right and I'm not going to say people in real life are saints and online are the devil, but meeting someone from the internet can be scary. You don't know who anyone is! the picture could be fake, the profile could be fake- fck, it could even be someone of the same gender as you pretending to be someone of the opposite gender. Furthermore, the internet is a great way to hide a criminal record. Lovestruck, have you ever done internet dating? Because, normally, you go through a lot of stages before meeting these people in person. Or at least that's what I do. I usually meet them in person at least after a month of talking and emailing each other daily. By this time, I know almost everything important about them and they do the same about me. Even the 1st date is not that awkward, since we already know a bit about each other already. I wonder if any guy would hang around for a month waiting to meet up with woman, when they know they're fake. It has never happened to me.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I usually meet them in person at least after a month of talking and emailing each other daily. By this time, I know almost everything important about them and they do the same about me. Wow... that's a LONG time to play pen-pals... what happens when you meet and there's no chemistry? That's why I prefer RL dating... eDating never really worked for me.
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 How is it not convenient? There are different people on here, Bells. I was raised in a different culture. I do not speak with strangers out of blue.
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Wow... that's a LONG time to play pen-pals... what happens when you meet and there's no chemistry? That's why I prefer RL dating... eDating never really worked for me. Funny, because I always feel chemistry even before meeting them. As for the ones I do not feel chemistry, I simply drop them out. Chemistry is not always physical, Rod.
flc Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Because, normally, you go through a lot of stages before meeting these people in person. Or at least that's what I do. I usually meet them in person at least after a month of talking and emailing each other daily. By this time, I know almost everything important about them and they do the same about me. Even the 1st date is not that awkward, since we already know a bit about each other already. I wonder if any guy would hang around for a month waiting to meet up with woman, when they know they're fake. It has never happened to me. Well this would never fly with me. Really all of the email back and forth can be complete rubish, the best way to really tell if there is any chemistry or if the person is genuine at all is to meet them. I don't think I ever traded more than three emails before I meet someone in person. It is always at a public place, generally for coffee during the afternoon or early evening. But even after meeting someone they could be jack the ripper for all you know, online does not increase or decrease the chances of that but the odds are extremely small.
lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Lovestruck, have you ever done internet dating? Because, normally, you go through a lot of stages before meeting these people in person. Or at least that's what I do. I usually meet them in person at least after a month of talking and emailing each other daily. By this time, I know almost everything important about them and they do the same about me. Even the 1st date is not that awkward, since we already know a bit about each other already. I wonder if any guy would hang around for a month waiting to meet up with woman, when they know they're fake. It has never happened to me. I've never done, it no, very leery of it. I have friends who have met their spouses on it and I also have friends who have met nothing but cheaters, liars, criminals, stalkers...you name it. It's so easy to fool anyone on there.
Lishy Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I so could never do online dating! I go shopping too much as it is without shopping for a man as well! IMO it would also turn me off a man as I would see him as too desperate
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Well this would never fly with me. Really all of the email back and forth can be complete rubish, the best way to really tell if there is any chemistry or if the person is genuine at all is to meet them. Yeah, well, it works for me. Needs to make sure I'm dealing with the right person, as I don't want to waste my time going on numerous dates with people I know nothing about. I mean, after 3 emails you wouldn't really know much about them, right? I get totally turned off if someone asks to see me after 3 emails. Totally. All I can offer after 3 emails is a telephone number.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Funny, because I always feel chemistry even before meeting them. As for the ones I do not feel chemistry, I simply drop them out. Chemistry is not always physical, Rod. I guess I misjudged you I know chemistry is not always physical, but I find it so much better to talk using my mouth rather than my keyboard. Communication is something like 80% non-verbal, so I find it I can really know a person when I get a chance to talk to them in person, that's why I don't really like to overdo phone conversations.
lovestruck818 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I so could never do online dating! I go shopping too much as it is without shopping for a man as well! IMO it would also turn me off a man as I would see him as too desperate Bingo!!!!!
rod_in_gtown Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I think going through a tollbooth is an opportunity to make someone smile How do you do that?
Shygirl15 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I guess I misjudged you I know chemistry is not always physical, but I find it so much better to talk using my mouth rather than my keyboard. Communication is something like 80% non-verbal, so I find it I can really know a person when I get a chance to talk to them in person, that's why I don't really like to overdo phone conversations. Clarification: I don't let them talk with keyboard for a month; I only see them after a month. Somewhere in between, telephone numbers are exchanged and emails are put to rest.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 There are different people on here, Bells. I was raised in a different culture. I do not speak with strangers out of blue. What culture is that?
shockandawed Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Clarification: I don't let them talk with keyboard for a month; I only see them after a month. Somewhere in between, telephone numbers are exchanged and emails are put to rest. Shygirl, I think you are a true exception here, in that you will allow chemistry to develop prior to meeting. I have done the same thing and used to allow emails to go a month or so before meeting. The thing I personally experienced, was that everyone that went a while before meeting was a disaster. I had one that did that, never would hardly talk but was online daily to chat and email. We built a ton of chemistry up and when we met, yes, it was anti-climatic. However, I quickly learned that she was married. I had another kind of do the same thing. Great emails, alot of laughter and chemistry, then finally went out. She was a completely different person, hardly said a word, I was scrambling and she finally faked an illness. Sorry, but I just become too suspicious if we haven't gotten to a point of a very casual and public meeting in a couple of weeks.
Recommended Posts