vonerik012 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Surprisingly, I imagine this makes up less than 1% of the people using online dating. Learn to ask the right questions and you'll find that out. Conservative estimates say that abut 20% of online daters are actually married. As for all the other time wasters online, who knows? I suppose it depends on your situation. I am seeking a woman who is 25-33, single, no kids, not on drugs, in shape, attractive. I live in a major city, and see thousands everyday. It is far easier to just ask one out. Online, the above described woman is a superstar of sorts. She is an anomaly. If she is on enough sites, she can get 100-300 emails a day. It is a complete waste of time to go that route to find a desirable woman. Then she is more prone to being a serial dater, just looking around, just wants to go out for dinners, just want to play etc. Why should she settle for one guy, when hundreds of new ones are contacting her every day or week? She might have the "I am looking for the perfect one" syndrome. Online is good if you are looking for just sex, want to meet a woman with children, or are really willing to settle, as everyone seems to be trying to date 2 levels up. It is equally poor for women, as the men you find desirable also are trapped into the mindset of being in a candy store. If you like them, guess what, they can sleep with a different woman every night if they choose. While men are more prone to liking the idea of sexual variety than women, this medium of meeting people makes it really really easy.
ed-205 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 My son listed himself on E Harmony after breaking up with his long term Fiancee, and I have to admit that the selection of women who have contacted him are quite attractive and financially independent. There is only one issue that I have with these sites in general, however, and that is what I will call the "Ladies Night" effect. Many bars run a Ladies Night simply because they know if they can pack the place with women, lots of guys will show up and buy them drinks. Great for business, but not all it's cracked up to be for meeting that special someone. Most Dating Services use the same trick - offer memberships to women for free or significantly reduced rates, and make their profits off of the men by charging them twice as much. Then, IF the guy finds someone interesting and gets her to meet him for that first date, the responsibility falls on him to make the reservations, pay for dinner and entertainment, etc. The problem here is that the woman has so little invested in the process that the worst she can expect is a free dinner, and afterwards (if she is unusually thoughtful), she'll send the guy an e-mail saying "Sorry, but I didn't feel the *magic*. Have a nice life". Then, she checks her listing for the next free meal ticket, while the guy skips lunch for a week so he can afford another dinner in another impressively overpriced restaurant for another shot-in-the-dark chance at happiness. The fact is that Dating Services are just another business out to make money. I found the quickest way to get them to stop calling me twice a month was to simply start telling them that I only make $17k/year, and they lost interest REAL fast! Dating services might work for a few lucky lonely hearts, but as far as I'm concerned your chances of meeting your new "One and Only" through them are about on par with hanging out at the local laundromat.
mortensorchid Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I'm talking eharmony here, never dated so many dishonest women in my life. If you aren't interested in a guy just freaking tell him, don't act as if you would have my children one day then fall off the face of the earth the second. I've done EHarmony before and that's probably the worst of the worst. You have to go through these ridiculous question / answer periods before you are allowed to "really contact" someone. They're not really concerned with matching someone based on any sort of compatability. I only got through to 2 people, the rest didn't like how I answered some questions and closed the communications. The two I did get through, one never answered me back via email once the question / answer period was over. The other lived in Michigan (I am in Northeast Ohio), and we talked on the phone twice. He was alright, I have no reason to think otherwise about him, but we only spoke twice. He asked if I would ever come up to Michigan to see him on the second phone call, which I didn't think was very appropo because of the situation. Not that I told him that, but we never spoke again after that. The free websites you will meet some real losers, the ones that you are paying for will have some better people on them. But don't bother with EHarmony.
vonerik012 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Put it this way.. If you are a man, would you rather date a woman who is more attractive and gets asked out maybe once a week? Or a less attractive woman who gets asked out 100 times a day? If you are a woman would you rather date a man who solely asked you out in the past month? Or a man that could have sex with a different woman every night of the week, and hits on hundreds every week, and has a back up of 30 women to meet after your date?
Bells Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Surprisingly, I've found the way I carry myself trumps my height (5'10"). Women are less likley to care if you are confident, laid back and fun. I don't wait around to build up "courage" I just say "Hey, let's go grab some coffee or are you the type that prefers to talk on the phone first. The last 3 times I've done that, all three have said "Sure, let's go!" If you show even the modest hesitation that would hint at insecurity, women can smell it from a mile away. That, or you are wasting your time on someone who is clearly not interested yet you're not taking the hint. There's a ton of women available, why are you bothering with the ones who aren't reciprocating? Waste of time. I imagine this makes up less than 1% of the people using online dating. Learn to ask the right questions and you'll find that out. Look, I don't have a problem with online dating. It's working extremely well for me. But I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am not wishy-washy, I am confident in who I am and I don't chase the fish that can't be caught. And I am telling ya, have a sense of humor when you write and be laid back. Don't talk about things that you know will turn a woman off "Exs, politics, religion", etc. Don't suggest the same boring things over and over (dinner or movie). I had a woman ask me to go bowling. I was like "Heck ya, that sounds like fun!" See what I mean? If you can't differentiate yourself from other men, you'll be lumped into that big 'ol reject pile. If you want to be attractive to the opposite sex, you gotta love who you are, be confident in who you are, have a sense of humor and be laid back -- willing to let the chips fall where they may. Cheers. I've been there done that. The reason you have a crap load of dates is either 1. Geographic location...probably tons of single women available to your choosing. 2. You're a handsome man. I've been there done that. I am fun, confident, and if ANYTHING laid back. NOT wishy washy about asking a woman out, I asked a woman out to lunch. But 99% of the time, my emails get ignored. So if you can't make it past the initial email, that's it. And of course, my profile is just as presentable as any profile I read of a woman's. And you're probably in the minority here...I've actually had better luck at getting dates with women I meet in person than online actually.
Bells Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Also, what I've noticed...if I sign up for a "My Matches" email through the sites...OR ...do a search within about a 50 mile radius of where I live. I had noticed through out online dating. I keep seeing the SAME faces through out each and every website. Is it getting so bad that these people are so picky and superficial that they are STILL on here? I saw one woman from time to time update her profile as if it were a blog. One time she stated, "Well, I'm about to sign off and delete my profile here, if you guys better hurry up and email me before I do....it's not that I've found someone, I'm just taking a break from dating" And about 2 weeks later she created a new profile and was back in the saddle again...she did this about 3 times already. lol Thing is, I am tired of seeing the same faces of women I already emailed and of course not responding. I think I probably emailed every woman. So there's actually a limit? I reached the end of the line ? There's some people I've seen on dating sites for YEARS that are still single. Occasionally, a year later I would email them again, to see if "woke up" and decided to be more realistic and respond a 2nd time considering their luck and finding "the one" online. But, no soap. Some of these people live in remote areas, which makes me think they can't afford to be picky. Thus the Chronic online daters.
flc Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I've been there done that. The reason you have a crap load of dates is either 1. Geographic location...probably tons of single women available to your choosing. 2. You're a handsome man. I've been there done that. I am fun, confident, and if ANYTHING laid back. NOT wishy washy about asking a woman out, I asked a woman out to lunch. But 99% of the time, my emails get ignored. So if you can't make it past the initial email, that's it. And of course, my profile is just as presentable as any profile I read of a woman's. And you're probably in the minority here...I've actually had better luck at getting dates with women I meet in person than online actually. Actually I think most people just give it a shot and give up at lack of response. Like Caliguy said you have to take a fun attitude and make sure you stand out a bit. If you only have one picture or it is not good you won't even get your email read. Down here in Miami I have ton to select from and at first I was not getting a lot of response. After refining my profile a bit and getting more cavalier on my emails I now get a lot more response and I am doing more rejecting than accepting. Its not for everyone but to make blanket statements that the people are losers is ridiculous. Just to highlight this I was dumped on Sunday, figured I would jump right back in the pool to help me get over it and I am 2/2 on emails I sent yesterday.
Art_Critic Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 You were also doing online dating.. are you to tell me that you were the only educated, skinny, hunk with a great job who was doing online dating ? It is what it is... there are people of all types online.. I met my wife online.. she isn't fat or ugly and until she had our son she was employed with a great long term career as a graphic designer in an ad agency. It seems to me that the people who have unrealistic expectations of dating are the ones that have trouble with online dating... I have dated many women from match and other web pages and not one was ugly or fat or unemployed..
CaliGuy Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I've been there done that. The reason you have a crap load of dates is either 1. Geographic location...probably tons of single women available to your choosing. 2. You're a handsome man. A may be true and while I am no toadstool, I'm no Brad Pitt either. I'm an average looking guy. The difference is what I wrote on my profile which is an honest assessment of who I am with a little humor mixed in. I've been there done that. I am fun, confident, and if ANYTHING laid back. NOT wishy washy about asking a woman out, I asked a woman out to lunch. But 99% of the time, my emails get ignored. So if you can't make it past the initial email, that's it. What are you writing in the email that makes you stand out from other men? See, that is what I found works for me. Be different. You don't have to write a discertation. Just write them a short note, mix in some humor and go from there. Above all don't get discouraged if they ignore you. I get ignored quite often as well. I just don't let it bother me. The right woman is going to reconize and respond to you. Think of it this way: The women who don't respond to me are doing me a favor. I don't have to waste my time on them! And of course, my profile is just as presentable as any profile I read of a woman's. And you're probably in the minority here...I've actually had better luck at getting dates with women I meet in person than online actually. Well since I don't "party" and my hobbies have few women engaged in them, that is difficult for me (Golf, Motorcycle racing, etc). However, I have found that meeting someone in person is better than online if the chance presents itself. So I agree with you there. What I am saying is simply that online dating can and does work for a lot of people. The trick is to not place absolute value on it. Use it as another tool in your arsenal to meet the right one -- not THE tool. Cheers.
flc Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 What are you writing in the email that makes you stand out from other men? See, that is what I found works for me. Be different. You don't have to write a discertation. Just write them a short note, mix in some humor and go from there. Above all don't get discouraged if they ignore you. I get ignored quite often as well. I just don't let it bother me. The right woman is going to reconize and respond to you. I agree with this completely. If you just "Hi I read your profile and you seem nice, look at mine and send me reply" or if you go into a page worth of who you are and what you are looking for, you will get trash canned. I read the profile in depth and look for something that I think we have in common and I may also comment on what attracted me to their picture like their smile or eyes etc. Keep is short and fun. If I am still interested after the second email I setup a meeting, don't get bogged down in emailing back and forth and I never do chat. I think both people realize that until you meet everything is just introductions. As I said in my previous post I was 2/2 on email from yesterday and already have a reply to meet for coffee this week with one of the two. Keep trying things it can work.
Shygirl15 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I keep seeing the SAME faces through out each and every website. Is it getting so bad that these people are so picky and superficial that they are STILL on here? Thing is, I am tired of seeing the same faces of women I already emailed and of course not responding. There's some people I've seen on dating sites for YEARS that are still single. Yeah, that's so very true. It's very annoying seeing the same faces everyday, which is why whenever I meet up with somebody potential, I delete my profile completely from the website before people get used to my face. I have never used a dating site for more than a month. I was saying something about Match.com to my co-workers the other day, and this guy was like "no, that can't be true! I have been using that website for 3-years now and that never happened to me!".! Geez. Can't see myself using any dating website that long.
Bells Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Yeah, that's so very true. It's very annoying seeing the same faces everyday, which is why whenever I meet up with somebody potential, I delete my profile completely from the website before people get used to my face. I have never used a dating site for more than a month. I was saying something about Match.com to my co-workers the other day, and this guy was like "no, that can't be true! I have been using that website for 3-years now and that never happened to me!".! Geez. Can't see myself using any dating website that long. LOL....well, it's pretty common. Some do leave...then come back...and I'm like "Holy cow she was on here 3 months ago. I had seen SOME women back on dating sites now...that I had seen during the DIAL-UP days (when dating sites were free) Of course it was "Long time no see", and I'm thinking "Wow, they never got married, they're still on the market. I am actually THIS close to emailing the "Veterans of online dating" saying, "Just throw in the towel, you've been on here WAY to long, you've not only rejected me...but probably a billion other men that emailed you....just stick to the bars, church, or the local YMCA or speed dating, you might fare better, just GIVE IT UP!" lol
flc Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Yeah, that's so very true. It's very annoying seeing the same faces everyday, which is why whenever I meet up with somebody potential, I delete my profile completely from the website before people get used to my face. I have never used a dating site for more than a month. I was saying something about Match.com to my co-workers the other day, and this guy was like "no, that can't be true! I have been using that website for 3-years now and that never happened to me!".! Geez. Can't see myself using any dating website that long. I would agree that you don't want to be a regular. I think if anything is not working you should try something else after maybe 6-12 months? Even take a break for a few months. I have only been online for about 3 months, but like Caliguy I work during the day, workout on my bike in the evenings and have kids who live with me. So I don't get a lot of chance to meet women and since this has been working I am sticking with it for now.
zxcirce Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Wow Bells!!! Your post number 31 sounds JUST LIKE the resident online dating basher here, hiit'sme.! You guys should hook up, wait, I'm sure you're the same person, never mind. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1753826&postcount=1 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1819926&postcount=31
Shygirl15 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Wow Bells!!! Your post number 31 sounds JUST LIKE the resident online dating basher here, hiit'sme.! You guys should hook up, wait, I'm sure you're the same person, never mind. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1753826&postcount=1 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1819926&postcount=31 :lmao: I SWEAR I thought the same thing! Considering we haven't seen much of Hi lately..
stefspets Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 I get really tired of reading the same responses (from the same people) about how online dating is for losers and people who lack confidence. This kind of blanket statement is going to be true sometimes but not for everyone. I dated online because the people I met came from three places: Band at my university. Nothing wrong with them per se but I was 23 and everyone else was younger. Didn't want a younger boyfriend, already did that once. I already graduated so this was my only "class." Work. Everyone where I work is middle aged and married. Nice people but not a good pool to date (even through their friends). Some of them have kids my age, but that would be...weird. Bars. Did meet some guys this way but most weren't interested in relationships. That's fine but it wasn't what I wanted. Maybe I'm not the norm, but if I thought someone sounded nice I would suggest getting a drink fairly quickly. I didn't go out on many second dates but I met some nice people. Though I wanted a relationship, the first step is meeting people and this I definitely accomplished. It's just another way to meet people. If it doesn't work for you then meet people IRL. I don't see the need to label those that DO use it as "losers."
CaliGuy Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 It's just another way to meet people. If it doesn't work for you then meet people IRL. I don't see the need to label those that DO use it as "losers." When someone uses the term "losers" to describe those who use online methods for dating, it makes me immediately think "bitter?" Who cares what method you use for meeting people. The point is you're getting out there and meeting people, not sitting around at home wondering why you don't have a date and feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing in anyone's life is going to happen in a positive way unless one gets off their butt and gets moving!
almost famous Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 if they weren't making $10,000-20k /yr they were "living at home" Where the hell do people go to meet others in their own pay / educational grade? *end rant* You need to talk to Vonerik about this because according to him, men don't care about educational background/profession of a woman.
Jilly Bean Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 :lmao: I SWEAR I thought the same thing! Considering we haven't seen much of Hi lately.. Too funny. I made that connection the other day. I think he was drummed off after he posted that gal's profile and everyone reamed him on it. Then he comes back and starts asking all the same questions about OLD all over again. lol Has anyone ever tried speed dating before?
Lizzie60 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Too funny. I made that connection the other day. I think he was drummed off after he posted that gal's profile and everyone reamed him on it. Then he comes back and starts asking all the same questions about OLD all over again. lol Has anyone ever tried speed dating before? I did, only once, about 5 years ago.. what a waste of money and time.. you should have seen the losers... gosh.. the women were all p*ssed off for having lost their evening.. I've also been to one of those 'gourmet' dinner... with high intellectuals... *yawn* sooo boring.. they were all so full of shyt... it was like a competition .. who would come up with something no one would know what he was talking about.. to show he was 'smarter'.. what a farce..
Author Legend Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 I'll take you out! Any restaurant/activity, your pick, guaranteed time of your life
Star Gazer Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I'll take you out! Any restaurant/activity, your pick, guaranteed time of your life LMAO! You just PM'd me that very statement!!!
djhall Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 LMAO! You just PM'd me that very statement!!! Can you imagine how boring he must think the rest of your life is?
Author Legend Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 LMAO! You just PM'd me that very statement!!! ya meant it as a PM, lol...
movingonandon Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 If you go into the online world expecting 90-95% of them to be losers, flakes, liars, jerks, or otherwise inappropriate dating prospects, you can weed through that crowd to find the good ones. That's been my experience. I filter out 80% of the guys who contact me, leaving me with a small, but good, subset of people to meet in person. And I have met some genuinely good guys online. This is true offline as well, so what's the problem. ONline dating sites obviously represent much broader cross-section of society than anyone of us would have access to through everyday life alone. I haven't had any real relationships out of online dating yet, but I've met a couple of perfectly decent women.
Recommended Posts