pinata Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Does anybody else do this? I find myself with good people that treat me well... and the first couple of months I am really happy. Then, seriously out of the blue, I will wake up and not want to be with them at all. But I can't justify breaking up with them, because a) its a healthy relationship and b) nothing triggered my sudden distaste for the relationship and I know there is no way I could just lose feelings for someone over night. Because I can't think of any good reason to break up with them... I try to wait it out and see if it's just a phase, but then I start picking at them and looking for reasons to break up with them. And they keep on being nice and I keep on getting irritated that I can't break up with them, because I know if I do I will feel awful. I also have to add, the only long term relationships I have ever had, have been unstable and unhealthy. I just can't stay happy in healthy relationships. I have every intention of speaking with a therapist because I would like to allow myself the chance to be happy in a good relationship with a good person... but I didn't know if anybody else does this? Thoughts? Anyone?
Ronni_W Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 It's not uncommon to fear positive relationships. Could be one or more reasons behind it. For example, maybe there is a deep (subconscious) belief that you don't deserve happy relationships, or that happy relationships will inevitably end, leaving you hurt and disappointed? You may want to look-up 'fear of intimacy' and 'fear of abandonment'. Here's a link about "irrational beliefs"...negative stuff we tell ourselves, or maybe someone else has told us whom we then believed to be true: http://www.coping.org/growth/beliefs.htm Or maybe some other topic from the contents of that section will catch your eye: http://www.coping.org/growth/content.htm
backspacectrl Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Does anybody else do this? I find myself with good people that treat me well... and the first couple of months I am really happy. Then, seriously out of the blue, I will wake up and not want to be with them at all. But I can't justify breaking up with them, because a) its a healthy relationship and b) nothing triggered my sudden distaste for the relationship and I know there is no way I could just lose feelings for someone over night. Because I can't think of any good reason to break up with them... I try to wait it out and see if it's just a phase, but then I start picking at them and looking for reasons to break up with them. And they keep on being nice and I keep on getting irritated that I can't break up with them, because I know if I do I will feel awful. I also have to add, the only long term relationships I have ever had, have been unstable and unhealthy. I just can't stay happy in healthy relationships. I have every intention of speaking with a therapist because I would like to allow myself the chance to be happy in a good relationship with a good person... but I didn't know if anybody else does this? Thoughts? Anyone? it sounds like you dont think your worthy of a great person, very self blaming. and want to distroy your own happiness... you havent done anything wrong to desirve a bad relationship, everyone desirves a healthy stable relationship... on the other side maybe your the type of person that wants a "bad" person... the men sometimes lean for the bitchy type of woman well the rest of us go "why is he with her shes a total bitch" or when the woman want something they can chase some guy that might be more "bad boy", a little bit more thoughtless, maybe less caring. this would be someone the women would have to fight for... as far as i can tell they guys sometimes have this type of bitchy women for a mother. they like the life that she has presented them... and in deffence of the bitchy women they have hearts too... they might be ice cold but they have them... and for the girls out there who want the bay boy they can case it seems to lead back to....the father. girls want the type of guy that there father is because they find that to be the way to live there life because there mother did...im not saying we all want our parents but in some way it does relate back to them... there father moight have always been away they were always chacing for affection, then when this girl grows up she would become shocked and suprized if affection was given to her for no reason at all. i was kind of like that too. when a guy would throw his affection my way for no reason, i would freak, he was clingy and needy, not my style so i quickly ended it... then i had the polor opposite a guy who didnt seem to respect me and what not so when the ended i knew what i was looking for... something in the middle. a guy who respects me wants to be with me but still has a life and friends of his own. and maybe not remember the day we started dating or my favorite color but still cares....i can go on... you need to know what you want, maybe those other people you lost feels for werent right for you in some way.... once you figure that out youll be golden...
guin_girl Posted September 4, 2008 Posted September 4, 2008 you know, my friend was on the receiving end of the "losing feelings overnight" issue this weekend. I thought it was a way to let him down gently, but I guess those things happen. I'm curious, how do these guys usually take it when you tell them that the "switch has flipped overnight"? But if you are noticing a pattern, that you won't allow yourself to be happy, than you would be smart to explore why this occurs with a therapist.
brightness Posted October 6, 2008 Posted October 6, 2008 You should read the book, "He's Scared, She's Scared." It describes commitmentphobia and how to know if you have it. I always found myself attracted to the wrong type of guys and being bored with the nice ones. Finally, I got sick of it and decided to get help. This book is a great start but you should also follow up with therapy to get to the root of your problems.
Recommended Posts