justme43 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Hi everyone I'm new I'm 43 and he 42 I should have seen the signs he was leaving since I know i'm 50 percent to blame. I'm in a common-law relationship for almost 3 years We both have children mine on the way out his every second weekend and his are still young That has it's own set of problems but has been worked on . He has been working out of town Mon-Fri for the last 27 months. All communication is gone started about a year ago the phone just doesn't cut. I can be very jealous or untrusting of him he has been caught in a few lies since those lies I have become a even more insecure obssesive woman. He has said sorry to them but thought he save me from the truth for sake of argument for now i have no trust in him. He is a good man but i'm afraid he has a bad habit of stretching the truth. The last straw for him was wed night He always calls to say hi after work and I truely do look forward to hearing his voice. A month ago I accuired his cell phone password for messages (he loves his cell phone) by mistake we were on holidays and my son called and left a message and all i had to do was press one and loe and behold his password being me i remembered it. Well i guess i get what I deserve That night it's 11 and still no call and his phone was turned off at about 5 I went and checked his messages. His co-worker called stating the following tell karen I said goodbye sorry i left without saying so nice to have met her and had a goodtime see ya tomorrow keep cool I was in tears thinking and thinking who is karen? hhmmm maybe a co-worker needless to say I didn't sleep a wink that night and boy was I ready for his call in the morning. He called next morning said sorry he couldn't call his cell phone got wet in the creek Being me I asked who is karen he said ahh oh and from there i lost it No i didn't want him to keep the lies going. Well later an email explaining it was his buddy Tim was out with her she came to town and my hubby just so happened to be out with the guys and they met up! He blew up at me said I never trust him and that he is not in love with me anymore and I haven't heard from him since. What am I suppose to think and if it's Tim's friend why was he getting the call?? I know i did wrong and deserve what I got my tears and heartache will be my punishment! I guess i'm in denial I don't believe he had an affair but then again who knows anyone. I left alot out any clairifications needed please ask I need someone to talk with my friends just say dump his ass but I feel different I need unbias input. Thank you for your time
Author justme43 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 Just to add to the above we still laugh alot and have sex not as much as we use to mind you but we never miss a weekend. We just don't talk about our feelings and if we do it always turns into a big old fight.
Billie63 Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Ok so you snooped, you should not have done it. However there's a reason why you snooped - he's demonstrated very shady behaviour. Karen may be the excuse he needs to end the relationship - and this is something you may have to accept - that he wants out. So it might not be a question of you dumping him but him dumping you. I know you feel absolutely awful but you do need to talk to him properly and find out the truth once and for all. If the relationship has been rocky lately maybe you two can work at getting it back on track, but you both have to want to do that. And it's hard to work out what he really wants.
Author justme43 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Posted September 1, 2008 I know your right he called today went to visit familyfor the weekend and wants to come home for the night and back to work tomorrow. I don't know now I asked him a few questions who the heck Karen was and I asked nice even though i wanted to tell him f-off after the last few days what he put me through. He explained it was his buddies friend and that he didn't know why the message was left on his cell I don't know what to believe he is very sneaky at times that cell phone has caused problems from the start. I'm heading out i told him and he freaked I told him not to bother coming home because anyone that should be angry should be me. I had a long few days in tears and wondering what I need from this relationship and him I want to come home I love you is bull I had to drag a sorry out of him which at this moment means nothing. I don't know if this can be worked on he is so full of anger ya i know i snooped I had no choice this being alone week after week for 2 and half years is killing me! I read everything I could the last few days and I know I'm not perfect in this all but I don't even think he understands he is part to blame. Wish me luck I'll keep you posted.
Billie63 Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 If Karen is the girlfriend of his friend, why is the co worker ringing your boyfriend to apologise to karen for not saying goodbye and saying how nice it was to meet her? Come on, Let's get to the bottom of who Karen really is. Tell him to give you her number so you can check this out yourself.
Author justme43 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Posted September 2, 2008 I asked again and he sticks to his story and his buddy is also a co-worker(Ididn't mention that sorry) but he got pissed because I asked again he said if I don't know him by now and he wouldn't ever hurt me like that......etc. I still don't know he is gone back to work and i'm sitting here sick to my stomach with so many things in my head I need sleep lucky if i slept 4 hours a night for the last 5 nights. Right now if he calls tonight I'm even scared to talk about this more ...sad eh?
TrustInYourself Posted September 2, 2008 Posted September 2, 2008 Why would your husband even get angry over you asking again? Does he have something to hide? I would smash that horse**** story into the ground, personally.
Author justme43 Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 It's months later and has left two more times since this post I can't even think straight and posted in other areas and making no sense I guess I'm tired and one thing i know now He is not kicking me out of our house until Im ready and he can go F himself. Mr. high and mighty he sent email from work 3 days ago again and said it's over and haven't seen him since I put the nc in play and i hope he has no reason to step foot in the house for awhile. I'm crying all the time and just can't take this i'm 44 and this is the worse i ever felt in all these years over a man
LakesideDream Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 We just, you sure are in charge. Hows being in charge working for you? You got your BF's phone (common law? Please this is the 21st Century)violated his privacy and found something you didn't understand (or did?) and it made you coo coo. Nothing new there. Now you think you are holding him hostage with the house. Let me guess, He pays the mortgage you share the utilities? He's out of town 5 days a week for three years? (oh that pesky common law fantasy). Time to put on your big girl panties and admit that this relationship has ended. Time to get everything seperated and begin to live your lives seperately. If you two were ready for a committment you would have made it long ago. You played house.. it didn't work out.. now unplay house. There are children involved his young ones your older ones... they deserve a sane household.
Author justme43 Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 What in the heck do you know lake............lol We don't share bank accounts and I pay half of everything and then all the groceries so this ain't no fantasy life for me. I take care of my half and then some. So holding hostage ...ya ok how about a greedy bugger that wants our house and send me and my kids off to God knows where he can wait. But thanks for the 2 cent input Oh by the way we don't argue in front of the kids a little to old and wise for that :-)
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