Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I need a quick help. Okay, I promised a guy to go out on a date tonite around 8pm for dinner. I don't like him, will never date him, ever and I don't even know why I agreed to the date. I COMPLETELY DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING OUT WITH HIM AT ALL TONITE. I hate myself for even agreeing to it. Now is almost 3pm, should I call him to cancel or just force myself to go with him and get it over with? Will it sound bad if I cancel now? It's 4hrs before the date, how bad is it to cancel now? Thanks a lot.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 If you feel strong dislike for someone, why go on this date? Call and cancel.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 If you feel strong dislike for someone, why go on this date? Call and cancel. Aargh. I know except it's not that easy. He's a co-worker, so it's not like I'm cancelling a date with someone I will never see again. Plus he has been asking for a date for the past six months so he was very excited when I agreed to it.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Aargh. I know except it's not that easy. He's a co-worker, so it's not like I'm cancelling a date with someone I will never see again. Plus he has been asking for a date for the past six months so he was very excited when I agreed to it. You're going to have to shut this down sooner or later. In keeping him hoping, you're leading him on. Just tell him you've rethought it and while he's [insert honest compliment], it's not how you perceive him and also, it's a work situation so it makes you more reluctant to get emotionally involved [if this is also honest].
rod_in_gtown Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Well, it's poor form to cancel so close to the date itself. I would go and during dinner bring up "I don't know if you're interested in something more than a friendship but I don't really feel like this is something I want to pursue". Then offer to split the bill and go home. And next time, don't accept to go out on a date that you don't intend to follow through. At least not without making it very clear that the outing is not a date.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 I can't even bring myself to sit through dinner with him. I agree, it was a mistake agreeing to going out on a date with him. I couldn't help but give in to him when he started complaining that I'm not acknowledging all the efforts he's making towards me. Yah, it was a bad decision.
KinAZ Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I agree with rod in gtown. Let him know where you stand while you're out with him. And when he insists to pick up the tab, you insist back even stronger.
Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I can't even bring myself to sit through dinner with him. I agree, it was a mistake agreeing to going out on a date with him. I couldn't help but give in to him when he started complaining that I'm not acknowledging all the efforts he's making towards me. Yah, it was a bad decision. Why didn't you explain to him why you weren't acknowledging his efforts by telling him that you only acknowledge such efforts when you're interested in something romantic? He would have put two-and-two together.
KinAZ Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I can't even bring myself to sit through dinner with him. I agree, it was a mistake agreeing to going out on a date with him. I couldn't help but give in to him when he started complaining that I'm not acknowledging all the efforts he's making towards me. Yah, it was a bad decision. Think of it as dinner with a co-worker, and not a "date"... even if he is expecting a date. Be clear with him that you're just there to get to know him better as a coworker or something, to be friendly, and not to pursue a romantic relationship.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Why didn't you explain to him why you weren't acknowledging his efforts by telling him that you only acknowledge such efforts when you're interested in something romantic? He would have put two-and-two together. I just felt guilty, plus the conversation was getting too uncomfortable for me so I thought the only way to end it quickly was to agree.
Vertex Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I have to echo Star Gazer here. If he is complaining about you not acknowledging his advances, agreeing to a date isn't going to send a clear message. You really need to make it clear that you're not interested. You don't have to be mean about it, but you certainly aren't obligated to respond to his advances or go out on dates with him. Treat it as something extremely simple and not a date or anything. If he tries to advance anything past a "co-worker level" then that would be a good time to make your intentions clear. But do not give in to pressure, as that will waste his time and yours, and lead into potential awkwardness at the workplace.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Think of it as dinner with a co-worker, and not a "date"... even if he is expecting a date. Be clear with him that you're just there to get to know him better as a coworker or something, to be friendly, and not to pursue a romantic relationship. That would have been easier if he was a little bit interesting, perhaps. We have very little in common and he's not exactly good looking (yeah, I know it's shallow).
Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 He actually sounds like a whiny pest. At this point, I'd probably just act irritated all through dinner, and when he asks why I'm in a bad mood I'd say, "I don't like be pressured to agree to a dinner date when I clearly didn't want to go to begin with." But I'm in a b*tchy mood, so...
Vertex Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Well, I wouldn't say that to him because I think it's clear that the OP hasn't been making it very clear that she isn't interested, especially since she agreed to a date! He may be aggressive/persistent, but if she hasn't been responding negatively, he may interpret her as just being shy. I mean heck, her screename is Shygirl So, in all fairness, and to avoid future conflicts in the workplace, just try to get through it but make it clear you aren't interested in anything further. Simple as that. In the future, don't agree to a date you don't want to have.
LionLover Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I agree with rod in gtown. Let him know where you stand while you're out with him. And when he insists to pick up the tab, you insist back even stronger. I agree too (lol). However, not knowing this guy - he may not even want to waste his time going out on a "date" with you if he knew you weren't at all interested. Maybe it's best if you were upfront before the date, explain to him that you are not interested in him beyond platonic & then let him decide whether or not to keep the date.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Well, it's poor form to cancel so close to the date itself. I would go and during dinner bring up "I don't know if you're interested in something more than a friendship but I don't really feel like this is something I want to pursue". Then offer to split the bill and go home. And next time, don't accept to go out on a date that you don't intend to follow through. At least not without making it very clear that the outing is not a date. I agree. You already said you would go out. Stand by your word.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I mean heck, her screename is Shygirl :lmao: No offense Shygirl15 but I have the feeling from your other posts that you're anything BUT shy.
Tomcat33 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 It's interesting to see how many guys said go anyway!?!? WTF. Did you not read the part about her not EVER even considering dating this poor sap? So if you were in his shoes you would want a woman any woman even one that can't stand you to agree to go out with you just because you are into her? Some men are funny... I am not a man but I say cancel. This is idiotic, why even torture yourself to be out with a man who more than likely is going to insist on paying for dinner since he is trying to win you over, and you will feel even guiltier for agreeing OR better yet you have to go dutch and spend money on a dinner you won't even enjoy!?! Call him up, tell him you had some time to think you changed your mind, it doesn't feel right to you to date people from work you don't want to complicate things. End of story. Who cares what he thinks at this point it's not like you are into him anyway, he'll get over it. Worse will be you go and then how will you get rid of him after that? It will be even harder. DON'T GO!!
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 :lmao: No offense Shygirl15 but I have the feeling from your other posts that you're anything BUT shy. :lmao: Ah, behind the computer I can be anything but shy! You guys don't know how many times I have tried to figure out how to change my screen name.. What a poor choice I made
LionLover Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I think you should cancel. No wait, don't cancel. No wait, call him first and then cancel. No that's not good. What was the question again?
Vertex Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I guess I should have first asked, did he ask you specifically for a date? As in a romantic date? Or did he simply want to go spend time together somewhere?
soserious1 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I need a quick help. Okay, I promised a guy to go out on a date tonite around 8pm for dinner. I don't like him, will never date him, ever and I don't even know why I agreed to the date. I COMPLETELY DON'T FEEL LIKE GOING OUT WITH HIM AT ALL TONITE. I hate myself for even agreeing to it. Now is almost 3pm, should I call him to cancel or just force myself to go with him and get it over with? Will it sound bad if I cancel now? It's 4hrs before the date, how bad is it to cancel now? Thanks a lot. A family emergency has arisen, something deeply private that you are not at liberty to discuss, you are sorry for the last minute notice but you must cancel. Later, down the road if he pressures you again concerning his efforts, just tell him directly that you are not interersted in pursuing new relationships at this time.
Author Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 You wouldn't believe it, you guys. Sometimes I wish my guardian angel was visible so that I could give him/her a huuge tip, or kiss, or whateva because obviously s/he works very hard for me. As I was sitting her contemplanting on my next move, he calls. Very apologetic, he says there's a change of plan and he has to rush to Baltimore and attend some business, so by the time he's back in DC it will be too late. I was like, noo problem at all! You take care of your business and we'll talk another time. He sounded suprised, saying he didn't expect me to be so understanding, and that he truly appreciate it! I was like, noo problem at all, it's okaay! Now, thing is how and when should I break the news that I don't want anything to do with him? PS: Vertex, he made it sound like a casual date, but I know he probably expects a little more than that.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 It's easy. Just turn him down the next time with no doubt that you don't perceive him as anything but a coworker. It doesn't have to be in a cruel way.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 It's interesting to see how many guys said go anyway!?!? WTF. Did you not read the part about her not EVER even considering dating this poor sap? So if you were in his shoes you would want a woman any woman even one that can't stand you to agree to go out with you just because you are into her? Some men are funny... I am not a man but I say cancel. This is idiotic, why even torture yourself to be out with a man who more than likely is going to insist on paying for dinner since he is trying to win you over, and you will feel even guiltier for agreeing OR better yet you have to go dutch and spend money on a dinner you won't even enjoy!?! Call him up, tell him you had some time to think you changed your mind, it doesn't feel right to you to date people from work you don't want to complicate things. End of story. Who cares what he thinks at this point it's not like you are into him anyway, he'll get over it. Worse will be you go and then how will you get rid of him after that? It will be even harder. DON'T GO!! Because we were raised to believe that your word is your bond, not something to be taken lightly. And also that lying is wrong. Call me crazy but people should face the consequences of their actions. Sheesh! Anyway, you lucked out. Next time tell him you're just not romantically interested. He'll appreciate your honesty.
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