Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 No. I could never date someone who's actually my height (5'4''). I've dated one guy who's 5'6'' (I'm sure he's reading this) and then Dave who's 5'9'', but other than those two I've never even found someone under 5'10'' attractive. 6'0'' has always been it. Gorgeous face at 5'9'' will always be less attractive to me than an average guy who's 6'0''. So, Dan seems to have fallen into the "insufficient attraction" zone. I'm not sure he'll come out of that zone, if you look at your historical patterning for attraction.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 So, Dan seems to have fallen into the "insufficient attraction" zone. I'm not sure he'll come out of that zone, if you look at your historical patterning for attraction. I was hoping to re-write history.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I was hoping to re-write history. If so, keep dating him, as others have stated. I could easily be wrong but I'm not certain attraction can be changed while in the dating process. If you were friends first, then you found him attractive, this would be one thing. One of the guys I dated a few months ago, was the brother of a close friend, who had moved away years and years ago for uni. Back when, I had a major crush on him. When he came back, I still was attracted to him but not at the level that worked. We dated for about two months (8 dates) where the attraction level never changed on my side.
Touche Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 but I'm not certain attraction can be changed while in the dating process. Wow, really? I couldn't disagree more. And weren't you the one who didn't like/wasn't attracted to your ex at first. Took two years for you to change your mind? I mean I don't think you can go from no attraction to major attraction after a few dates. But if the attraction is already there, as in SG's case, it's just as likely to grow the more they date, than it is to NOT grow.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Wow, really? I couldn't disagree more. And weren't you the one who didn't like/wasn't attracted to your ex at first. Took two years for you to change your mind? I mean I don't think you can go from no attraction to major attraction after a few dates. But if the attraction is already there, as in SG's case, it's just as likely to grow the more they date, than it is to NOT grow. We never dated in the first two years...
vonerik012 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Her attraction towards him can grow, if he meets someone else and no longer has an interest in her, and refuses to touch her. Some women need a man to play games, or generally not be very interested.
Ariadne Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Her attraction towards him can grow, if he meets someone else and no longer has an interest in her, and refuses to touch her. Some women need a man to play games, or generally not be very interested. Nah... Star just needs to go in two more dates with this guy and she is in love and having sex.
Touche Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Her attraction towards him can grow, if he meets someone else and no longer has an interest in her, and refuses to touch her. Some women need a man to play games, or generally not be very interested. Unfortunately, I agree with this. I see it a lot. Personally, I don't get it. That never worked for me.
vonerik012 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Not to sound like a broken record, but her neurosis is not that odd. When I have traveled, and dated foreign women, they felt I was cold. They wondered why I was not always kissing them, holding their hands, hugging them, expressing love instantly, writing them letters, etc. They do not know that in the USA anything like this is a death sentence, and you are better off acting as though you have little or no interest. Often times the worse you treat them, the more interested they are. With foreign women it is a big turn off, and they demand to be treated in a special way. Being treated like dirt does not excite them, it repels them.
likestolaugh Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 The one thing that bothers me is her distaste of him because of his car. I know she said that it was a stupid annoyance... but it's true. It REALLY REALLY is. It seems like you're more interested in surface detail and immediate gratification in general.... just going on your threads and posts.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 The one thing that bothers me is her distaste of him because of his car. I know she said that it was a stupid annoyance... but it's true. It REALLY REALLY is. It seems like you're more interested in surface detail and immediate gratification in general.... just going on your threads and posts. It's a very expensive car, not that it matters how much it costs or how fancy it is. It's just a LITTLE car. Not sure how I can get my point across. It makes him - a small man - appear even little-er, and makes me and my normal-sized car feel gigantic in comparison. As for surface detail, not sure how you came up with that opinion. Care to explain how in my other posts I'm more concerned about surface detail? Or immediate gratification for that matter?
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Not to sound like a broken record, but her neurosis is not that odd. When I have traveled, and dated foreign women, they felt I was cold. They wondered why I was not always kissing them, holding their hands, hugging them, expressing love instantly, writing them letters, etc. They do not know that in the USA anything like this is a death sentence, and you are better off acting as though you have little or no interest. Often times the worse you treat them, the more interested they are. With foreign women it is a big turn off, and they demand to be treated in a special way. Being treated like dirt does not excite them, it repels them. Care to pontificate why that is?
Touche Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 The car thing is kind of silly, SG. But you didn't say you wouldn't see him just because of that. Wasn't there some guy you stopped dating because he had a boil on his back or something?:laugh: (Sorry, but I'm laughing here. I'm not implying you're superficial or anything.)
vonerik012 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I can never in 1 million years judge a woman by her car. If it is too big, too small, who the hell cares. That is extremely superficial. You do come across as that type from other posts as well, likestolaugh is spot on.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Look Star, what it boils down to, is what kind of person are you? Can you change your mind about attraction or not? No amount of pushing, trying or exposure will change that. Take the test. Date him a few more times and see. If attraction doesn't happen, you'll know exactly where you stand on these issues for future. I took the test enough times lately that I do know where I stand on this issue, for myself.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 The car thing is kind of silly, SG. But you didn't say you wouldn't see him just because of that. Wasn't there some guy you stopped dating because he had a boil on his back or something?:laugh: (Sorry, but I'm laughing here. I'm not implying you're superficial or anything.) And on his FACE. The car thing isn't an issue nor a reason to not like him, it's just one of very few factors which make me go, "Hmmm..." at the car is still related to his height. If he was TALL and in the little car, it wouldn't bug me at all. It's just that the little car emphasizes that he's shorter. I think I have a tendency to look for things I don't like when I'm not feeling the chemistry but they're otherwise a really good guy.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 I can never in 1 million years judge a woman by her car. If it is too big, too small, who the hell cares. That is extremely superficial. You do come across as that type from other posts as well, likestolaugh is spot on. I respectfully disagree.
likestolaugh Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 It's a very expensive car, not that it matters how much it costs or how fancy it is. It's just a LITTLE car. Not sure how I can get my point across. It makes him - a small man - appear even little-er, and makes me and my normal-sized car feel gigantic in comparison. As for surface detail, not sure how you came up with that opinion. Care to explain how in my other posts I'm more concerned about surface detail? Or immediate gratification for that matter? Of course, it's impossible to know without... umm... you know, knowing you. but it just seems as if you're extremely concerned with wanting to receive almost immediate signs that something is worth pursuing, without really just going with the flow and seeing how things go over time. Something akin top being bombarded with visual media, let not wanting to take the time to actually read a book. (not implying that you don't read btw ) You're too interested in measuring things in percentages and calculating the the tee exactly what will work and what won't instead of just forgetting yourself and any surface preconceptions/hangups. This is why I said earlier that it's good that you're getting out of town for a bit... because hopefully that will give you the chance to reflect without overanalyzing, which is what almost always happens the day or two after.
Touche Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Look Star, what it boils down to, is what kind of person are you? Can you change your mind about attraction or not? No amount of pushing, trying or exposure will change that. Take the test. Date him a few more times and see. If attraction doesn't happen, you'll know exactly where you stand on these issues for future. I took the test enough times lately that I do know where I stand on this issue, for myself. :lmao: Oh crap..boil on his FACE! Forgot about that. Deal breaker. Ok, on another note. Maybe this guy doesn't want to end up on the side of the road? Confused? Here...maybe Seinfeld can clear it up for you. Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it." Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. Sometimes, the car ends up on the side of the road, hood up and smoke pouring out of the engine. He's sitting on the curb all alone, "I guess I didn't realize how many miles I was racking up."
likestolaugh Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Seinwisdom to the rescue! It's true though.
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Of course, it's impossible to know without... umm... you know, knowing you. but it just seems as if you're extremely concerned with wanting to receive almost immediate signs that something is worth pursuing, without really just going with the flow and seeing how things go over time. Something akin top being bombarded with visual media, let not wanting to take the time to actually read a book. (not implying that you don't read btw ) You're right that I do want some sort of immediate sign that something is worth pursuing...as to this guy. I even started another thread on the subject of butterflies as it relates to this guy, not others. Where other guys seem unconvinced, I remain unconvinced, and thus curious...and the dating continues. What I was curious about was whether it was worth it to continue pursuing something with this guy because he's demonstrably very keen on me, but I feel a fraction of what I felt for the last guy I dated at the same stage. Does that make sense? In other words, I've been asking the simple question: can attraction grow, or does it have to be there from the outset? And what exactly IS attraction? Chemistry? Butterflies? A longing to rip their clothes off? Simply finding them attractive? I'm so used to pursuing things with a guy I'm INTO-INTO that meeting someone who's got all of the qualities I'm looking for personality/compatibility wise BUT not in the ooh-la-la department kinda...disappoints me.
Touche Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Seinwisdom to the rescue! It's true though. I know! And now I can't stop reading them. This one is good: What would the world be like if people said whatever they were thinking, all the time, whenever it came to them? How long would a blind date last? About 13 seconds, I think. "Oh, sorry, your rear end is too big." "That's ok, your teeth are yellow anyway. See you later."
Author Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 :lmao: Oh crap..boil on his FACE! Forgot about that. Deal breaker. Ok, on another note. Maybe this guy doesn't want to end up on the side of the road? Confused? Here...maybe Seinfeld can clear it up for you. Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it." Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. Sometimes, the car ends up on the side of the road, hood up and smoke pouring out of the engine. He's sitting on the curb all alone, "I guess I didn't realize how many miles I was racking up." That's funny and so true when it comes to men and commitment, but how does it apply to me?
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 :lmao: Oh crap..boil on his FACE! Forgot about that. Deal breaker. Ok, on another note. Maybe this guy doesn't want to end up on the side of the road? Confused? Here...maybe Seinfeld can clear it up for you. Why is commitment such a big problem for a man? I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that freeway of love, the woman he's with is like an exit, but he doesn't want to get off there. He wants to keep driving. And the woman is like, "Look, gas, food, lodging, that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on sign underneath that says, "Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks, "I can make it." Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. Sometimes, the car ends up on the side of the road, hood up and smoke pouring out of the engine. He's sitting on the curb all alone, "I guess I didn't realize how many miles I was racking up." While Seinfeld is funny, I can't understand why this is applicable to Star, in her situation.
Touche Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 That's funny and so true when it comes to men and commitment, but how does it apply to me? Well it really doesn't. I was just thinking that maybe that's why he's moving kind of fast. He likes you and probably wants something serious and isn't into playing games. I really do think you should give him a chance. But be firm as to the pace you want this to move. And if he doesn't respect that, then forget it.
Recommended Posts