so gutted Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Im interested to know at what stage men mention marraige in dating? Has anyone mentioned it on a first, second or third date ?? And women has anyone hinted at this early on ?
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 So Gutted - I know you were seriously considering a marriage proposal from a man you met once from an online date, but this is NOT normal. Not for him to propose, and not for you to consider it.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I've never mentioned marriage as a specific topic of conversation with a man. It might come up in general conversation of me saying one day I would like to get married and see if he wants the same. Sometimes men offer that information themselves and say that one day he would like to get married. But I've never made it a specific topic. Usually this doesn't happen on the first or second date either...it might happen weeks or months down the line. ANd I agree with Jilly Bean if that's what this topic is really about.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I don't know the background but based on this thread alone, yes, I've had men discuss or allude to marriage within the first three dates. It's freaky when it happens. It's potentially a case of someone either trying to manipulate you or attempting to source out where you stand on marriage issues. Sometimes it's a combination of both.
Author so gutted Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Thanks JB. Yes there was him. I have had this happend a few times. What I want to know is do Men casually insert this into a conversation e.g "could you marry someone of xxx race?" This is coming from someone of that specific race. I just think thinking marraige early on is a good goal for the man - but when they mention it - its dangerous?? is it not?
rod_in_gtown Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 It depends on the context. I've never really brought it up until after I've been physical with a person (not immediately after). But weeks or months, it's an ok topic of conversation. I feel it gives me a better look at what I'm working with, and depending on her answers I can infer how she would feel about certain things in her life.
Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 My ex HB mentioned marriage (and babies) on our 2nd date. I found it creepy, though. I honestly don't expect marriage discussion until at least one year of dating
Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 It depends on the context. I think it's appropriate to generally assess someone's views about marriage (e.g., will NEVER get married, or will NEVER marry someone not of a certain faith, etc.) because those views are unlikely to change and help you avoid a big waste of time. Beyond that, it's a little...creepy.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I've never really brought it up until after I've been physical with a person (not immediately after). So after I give a guy head, is it wrong to ask him about marriage?
KinAZ Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I think it's worse the younger you are. LOL, and I say that because when we're younger it's usually not a pressing concern. As men and women age/mature, and get closer to really WANTING to settle down, I think it is normal for it to come up in the conversation. If things are going well, the two of you are obviously headed in a direction, etc etc, you might want to get that out of the way before it's too late, if you are looking for something that has marriage in the future. I've brought it up and have had it brought up to me in the first few dates (no not the first). It wasn't because the guy was looking to marry me next week, but to see if I would ever want to have more children or remarry. Likewise, I have asked such questions and backed away when a guy told me that he didn't want more children. Even though it was early on, the mutual interest and direction were very clear. I thought I should save myself the trouble of starting something serious with someone who had goals that weren't the same as my own. He has a daughter, and I have two sons. LOL, I joked with him saying "my mom says no, because she has to have a granddaughter". Later, when he realized that I was serious about things not progressing between us, he said he might be open to having children again in the future. But that's not the answer of someone who wants to extend his family...
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I find it freaky and manipulative within the first three dates, because it sets up expectations. When someone gives you the idea that they're thinking along these lines, it tends to make you relax a little, perhaps open up faster, maybe even invest quicker, where they're not even close to feeling in the least bit invested. Delivery is key, where personal v. impersonal nature will make a big difference. Also, ultimately, what is the person discussing marriage attempting to accomplish, when they're not the least bit invested?
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 So after I give a guy head, is it wrong to ask him about marriage? Depends - did you swallow? So gutted - boundaries, girl! boundaries!
jerbear Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Depends - did you swallow? So gutted - boundaries, girl! boundaries! So after I give a guy head, is it wrong to ask him about marriage? Do I have to kiss the girl after she gives head and swallows?
jerbear Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I would have to add to some other posters about the marriage question. As I'm no longer willing to spend 1 year of dating only to find out if she is on the same page. I would bring the marriage and kids question whenever it comes up. It could be the first date is she brings it up, I usually bring it up during a situation like if she comments on kids. I would preface it with, you to can have them. I usually bring it up, definitely not the first 3 dates but it could be within 1-3 months.
Shygirl15 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I would have to add to some other posters about the marriage question. As I'm no longer willing to spend 1 year of dating only to find out if she is on the same page. Yeah, well, I have been married before so it's not something I'm overly excited to do again.
Author so gutted Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 ok so a hypothetical question e.g "what would your family say to you marrying a person of x race" is or isnt the same as asking "could you marry someone like me ?"
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Do I have to kiss the girl after she gives head and swallows? Oooo - snowballing! Love it!
KinAZ Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 ok so a hypothetical question e.g "what would your family say to you marrying a person of x race" is or isnt the same as asking "could you marry someone like me ?" In so many words, it would seem that way. Not to say this person is looking to marry you, of course, but just to see how serious you could take your relationship with him... Just because one dates people of different races does not mean he/she would be open to marrying someone of a different race.
jerbear Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Oooo - snowballing! Love it! Sounds like if I asked you to marry me, you'll consider it! :cool:
Jilly Bean Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Sounds like if I asked you to marry me, you'll consider it! :cool: Yes, but that's mainly because of that other little OJB factoid you shared with me privately...
Jersey Shortie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Do I have to kiss the girl after she gives head and swallows? Dude, if a girl get puts your own junk in her mouth, and you can't kiss her after, it's like you are recjecting yourself and that's not cool.
jerbear Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Yes, but that's mainly because of that other little OJB factoid you shared with me privately... Dude, if a girl get puts your own junk in her mouth, and you can't kiss her after, it's like you are recjecting yourself and that's not cool. I'll even kiss her after an ATM. Heck, she'll be one step closer to getting a ring after the ATM.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 I'll even kiss her after an ATM. Heck, she'll be one step closer to getting a ring after the ATM. Wow. Degrading much?
jerbear Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 Wow. Degrading much? If she and I enjoy it, how is it degrading? Having a good compatible sex life is a good thing, if she and I share similar adventurous sex drives; why not bring the topic of marriage sooner?
Alma Mobley Posted September 1, 2008 Posted September 1, 2008 OP, I agree with Star Gazer -- discussions of what one wants in the future is fine (life choices all that), talk about marriage to YOU in the first few dates is, well...weird. And probably the proverbial red flag!
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