kefka_palazzo Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I'm 25 years old, male, and a virgin. I'm above-average looking, and have had a serious girlfriend, but I've never had sex. (My last girlfriend had some serious sexual hangups, due to her conservative upbringing as well as past abuse.) This is obviously unusual for a guy of my age, especially when the guy is attractive, socially normal, and has no religious objections to sex. My question: is this a huge disadvantage, or can I play it as a strong point? What types of women react positively to mid-20s virgins, and what types react negatively?
carhill Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 IME, hurdle, but only if you talk about it. Keep it to yourself and mention your sexual experience in the broadest sense, if asked. If asked directly, be honest. IMO, with the right person for you, your past experience (or lack thereof) will be a non-issue. Ask me again in another decade and I can provide some practical experience for the transition
The Collector Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 There is no way to play this to your advantage. Maybe 1% of women will react favorably to this information, the rest will be turned off by your lack of experience. Men tend to get better at sex as they get more experienced, finding out what a woman likes, learning to control themselves, etc. If you haven't done 'basic training' most will be uneasy about sending you into heavy combat. I have no idea where this metaphor is going. Just go out and get laid, that's an order.
Yamaha Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I wouldn't talk about it. Some women would see it as a huge undertaking so be confident and things will turn out ok.
Green Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Its and advantage... but only if you keep it to yourself and don't broadcast it. Your Ex gf hang ups were no excuse for you not boneing her. Now when you say your a virgin... are we talking dick in the vagina virgin but you've played around with boobs and vaginas and had bj's?
rod_in_gtown Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Don't talk about it unless asked directly about it. When you do have sex it won't be all that it's cranked up to be (my first time was less than memorable) but it will get better to awesome. Do talk about expectations the first time you and some girl do it if you're getting in a relationship. If just a hook up, don't even mention it. If you end up getting serious with a girl, talking to her about it after the fact might be an advantage, (I'm special) or disadvantage (great, he's going to want to screw as many women as possible now that he's not a virgin). I say it all depends on the level of crazy of the girl in question.
seminoles84 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 At least they wont really have to worry about STD's..? Just a positive note.. unless you've had other sexual contact..
Green Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 and they won't have to worry about getting pregnant either because every one knows you cant get pregnant on your first time... but that might only be if its the girls first time
seminoles84 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 and they won't have to worry about getting pregnant either because every one knows you cant get pregnant on your first time... but that might only be if its the girls first time Or if she's on top.. gravity works miracles!
Green Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Or if she's on top.. gravity works miracles! Pray to god, he'll send you an angel ... to screw... the big mans a pimp
reservoirdog1 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Don't say anything about it. It'll weird out most women. That's the route I took years ago when I lost the big V. A couple of months later, I admitted it to then-GF, and she expressed surprise. She hadn't guessed based on my "performance".
Lunar Sonata Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Neither, either, or both. It's what you make it to be. You'll realize how silly this whole virgin thing is after you lose it. Irrelevant.
Green Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Neither, either, or both. It's what you make it to be. You'll realize how silly this whole virgin thing is after you lose it. Irrelevant. is it really silly though? I mean its like wanting to go to the beach for a long time but never getting around to it, or not actualy doing the things necesary to make it to the beach and see it for yourself. You need to go for it, you've had gf's before so just get another gf... and then around the 3rd date start pushing those boundaries... sensualy
carhill Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I think it's only silly if one "gives it up" (after waiting a long time) to someone they've compromised to do that with, IOW someone they're really not committed to nor want a LTR with. How do I know this?
monkey00 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 You would definitely make a good trophy for a cougar. I have a friend who's around your age also a virgin. He's had awful problems with meeting/dating women, not because of his virginity but because of his self-esteem. But now he's got a gf, not sure if he's told her yet about it yet... If a girl truly likes you, I don't see why she would care.
ABrokenWing Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 advantage or hurdle? First word that comes to my mind is attractive!
orangehose Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Whoa, female here. I know several guys your age who are / recently were virgins, for similar reasons (i.e. they were in multi-year relationships with girls who for religious or other reasons didn't want to have bona-fide intercourse). Honestly, I really doubt it matters to most women, or if anything, it's a plus, because you're assumed to be one of those guys who 'places meaning' on sex and hasn't been whoring around for the past decade. Guys think that women want them to have tons of experience, but that's not necessarily true. For most of my female friends, the lower the guy's 'number', the better, because 1. lower risk of STDs 2. the guy is less likely to be a man-whore who just wants sex 3. generally less 'icky' feeling. Speaking for myself, I'd just be grossed out by a guy who's slept with tons of women. And don't worry about the quality too much. A female friend of mine 'deflowered' a guy in his mid-twenties, said it was among the best sex she's ever had. She was also happy at the time that he hadn't had sex - thought it meant he was a 'moral' person - but of course right after that he left her to go out and play the field
Red_Shoes Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 ? What types of women react positively to mid-20s virgins ...other mid 20s virgins? If you keep yourself under control that is... Personally I would feel freaked out by a guy with loads of exes if i hadn't had much experience, would make it pressurising If you both had no experience and took it slow there would be no preconceptions
Suiyobi Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 There's no easy way of answering this because it really depends on the girl. Some girls are attracted to virgins, some are not. And there are some who don't give a damn either way. One thing's for sure though, just be straight up honest with the girl about your virginity (assuming that she asks during a serious conversation). Don't act depressed about it but neither should you be all high and mighty about it. Just keep your cool and show the girl that your virginity is the least of your worries.
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 The best answer is that being a virging is what you make of it. Its only a hurdle if you decide to turn it into one. No one will even know you were a virgin
Disillusioned Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 41 yo male virgin here... my reason has been that I couldn't see the point of getting sexually involved with someone who isn't going to stick around and might want to marry me. Going out and getting laid doesn't pay the bills or put food on the table after all. Funny thing... everyone knows it's bad to be a virgin, but nobody really seems to know why?
Sw3etdev1L Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Hehe... Really!!!.. stop being so insecure. I mean, if you say you are attractive and your member is working fine!..then don't worry. I mean, just do it. You'll finally lose it anyways right?. why worry?? If I'd love someone who'd be your age, I am 23 by the way. I wouldn't mind. I mean, there are rare men who are 29 or thirty and up who are not healthy and get into drugs and stuff and they don't do well in bed. So, being a virgin is not a problem. Don't worry.
Sw3etdev1L Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Reply to the 41 yr old. Having sex is actually good for the health. And it feels sooooo good. If you do it with a healthy woman, even if you are not in love just for the fun of it. And you both agree in doing that, there is no reason why you shouldn't try it. I think you might be losing something good there. And no, there's nothing bad in being a virgin, but it's as if you'd not be like, trying fruit. I mean, nobody says if you don't eat fruit you won't be living right? But it is healthy, natural and sweet. And if you haven't tried fruit at 40. Then well, you are losing an excellent flavor, you just don't know because you haven't tried it yet.
yebo Posted October 7, 2008 Posted October 7, 2008 I wouldn't think of it as an advantage OR a hurdle. It is just part of who you are right now. You still have an idea of what your needs are and what you like, and if you care for your partner you'll probably have an idea of what she likes and her needs. That's all that matters, you not having experienced the full thing is a minor technicality. Let's say you lost your virginity at 16 and have had many sexual encounters by 25. This doesn't mean that you're a good lover. Additionally, being a good lover for one girlfriend doesn't mean you'll be good for another. People have different needs, so the pressure will always exist the first time you take those steps with a new girlfriend. Experience does allow you to ignore the pressure, but I prefer it. I'm 28 and have dated a lot... I still get nervous about the first kiss. I'd rather not have it any other way.
samurai100 Posted October 12, 2008 Posted October 12, 2008 I was in a similar situation. Similar age. I never told anyone I was a virgin as no-one would ever believe me. I am confident, above average looking, successful etc. I did lose my virginity to my last girlfriend. I tried not to tell her but I was having alot of erection problems - due to performance anxiety and not wanting her to find out I guess. So in the end I did tell her, and it was after I told her that things "worked" in bed. She was not so experienced herself compared to most people. My advice would be that it isn't really an issue unless it becomes one in terms of performance. The reality is that it probably makes sense to wait for a proper relationship to have sex rather than just having a one night stand - I assume you are more like this anyway if have not had sex so far - as in a relationship there is more scope for understanding and working it out. For the right relationship to happen it may not happen tomorrow or next month but as long as you take care of yourself an achieve things women will be attracted to you in my opinion.
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