Fritz The Cat Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 And do you think being over weight affects your relationships in a negative way? TIA
Green Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Well I'm not overweight but I am interested to here honest opinions from people on the subject. My perspective is this, a single person who is overweight especialy a woman who has lost a womanly figure is going to have more trouble getting a date. Two overweight people who start dating may break up if say the girl loses alot of weight and is now attractive... and when I see a reall fat woman with a guy who isn't I say maybe they got married and she looked good and then got big, that would suck if I was dating or married to some one and they packed on the pounds... so unhealth and unpleasant to be around
fral945 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I'm not overweight. I think it does affect relationships in a negative way. I can't think of anything positive or beneficial to relationships if one or both people are overweight.
carhill Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I weigh essentially the same now at 49 as I weighed playing football in high school. Main difference is less muscle mass and more fat. I doubt it, on its own, affect my M negatively. Perhaps, with other stressors, it might be perceived more negatively, but I can't control the thoughts or feelings of others. I've always been generally happy with who I am and hope that others who value my existence see me and not an aging and changing body.
rod_in_gtown Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Interesting thread. I believe I have self image issues, I'm 5'11 and weigh around 200-210 lbs. I work out constantly and play sports, I don't have a gut but I believe I would love to be thinner. I'm definitely not obese, but if someone asks me, I would say I'm overweight. I was talking about this with a good friend from work and she told me that I was crazy. So I guess the better question is Do you think you are overweight? and how do other people perceive you?
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Well I'm not overweight but I am interested to here honest opinions from people on the subject. Same here. I'm curious to know how many people will fess up but on the otherhand, how many people will fess up to any trait or quality they deem as negative about themselves, whether in denial or just plain not going to do it? And realistically speaking, why should they?
Walk Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I'm overweight!! Are we going by the government standards here? As in, weighing 1-29 pounds over your ideal weight is overweight, and anything greater then 30 pounds higher then ideal is obese? The only time weight affects any relationship I'm in is when *I* allow it to affect it. Meaning, if I'm insecure, shy, unconfident about myself due to my weight then it affects my relationship. The more insecure I feel about my weight, the less sexy I am. I don't show off my sexy attributes as much (or at all). I don't use my body to excite my SO. I hide and cloak my body because I'm ashamed of how I look. That insecurity is what affects my relationships. Not my weight. The majority of men aren't that affected by some extra pounds. (assuming you aren't talking about 100 extra pounds). What kills the sex is when the woman loses her desire to act sexy around the man, to excite him, to tantilize him, to show off her body in provocative ways. So yeah, weight affects my relationships but not in the way a person would normally think it would affect the sex life. My SO doesn't judge me half as harshly as I judge myself. I could gain 40 extra pounds and he'd still want to have sex with me.. ASSUMING I was still attempting to be confidently sex toward him. If I'm covered head to toe and hide under a blanket then he's probably not going to get turned on.
Nevermind Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I am a bit chubby, but not obese. It doesn't play a huge role, but it will affect how I am perceived by males. In the relationship it was a constant topic.
Walk Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I am a bit chubby, but not obese. It doesn't play a huge role, but it will affect how I am perceived by males. In the relationship it was a constant topic. Who brought it up? You or him?
Walk Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Both of us. Okay.. elaborate. Why was it brought up? In what context? What was the focus of the conversation: meaning was it asthetic value or how it affected sex life? What aspects of it bothered him? Why did you bring it up? What aspects about it bothered you?
stoopid_guy Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I'm (chomp-chomp) over-weight. (Anybody want some chips and salsa?) Does effect relationships? Sure. So does my height, income, eye color, beard, sense of humor, intelligence, and a host of other things.
Nevermind Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 He brought it up whenever I dared to put food in my mouth between meals. Whenever sport or thin girls were mentioned. Whenever he felt self-concious about his own body. During shopping (when I would buy a donut for me, never when I bought one for him.). I felt very self-concious and, to be honest, bordering on troll-hidious, before this relationship. So after a while, I believed he was very unhappy with my body. And masochist that I am, brought it up once in a while. In retrospect, had I been more open and self-confident he probably wouldn't have focused on it so much. It was pretty much a self-created problem that he fueled a little by insensitivity.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 He brought it up whenever I dared to put food in my mouth between meals. Whenever sport or thin girls were mentioned. Whenever he felt self-concious about his own body. During shopping (when I would buy a donut for me, never when I bought one for him.). I felt very self-concious and, to be honest, bordering on troll-hidious, before this relationship. So after a while, I believed he was very unhappy with my body. And masochist that I am, brought it up once in a while. In retrospect, had I been more open and self-confident he probably wouldn't have focused on it so much. It was pretty much a self-created problem that he fueled a little by insensitivity. Nevermind, it's too easy to focus on the negative in someone and thus, overshadow the positive. Having said that, anyone who would use a vulnerability against a loved one, isn't worth keeping.
Nevermind Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Nevermind, it's too easy to focus on the negative in someone and thus, overshadow the positive. Having said that, anyone who would use a vulnerability against a loved one, isn't worth keeping. Obviously. I don't want to blame him, though I still do for many things. This problem was one that I could have avoided by either being at ease with myself or fighting the problem at hand. I chose neither. That was none of his fault.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Obviously. I don't want to blame him, though I still do for many things. This problem was one that I could have avoided by either being at ease with myself or fighting the problem at hand. I chose neither. That was none of his fault. So you never expressed a dislike for his criticism towards your vulnerability?
Nevermind Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 No, I did. But always with a bad concious. Had my mind been at ease about it, I could have taken a clear stance on the subject. As it was, I half-agreed, so he had no reason to take my request seriously.
Green Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 now i wonder what nevermind looks like... is she hot with a little cushion for the pushin... or is she off the deep end... hmmm
Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I've been carrying around an extra 10-15 pounds for a while now, and recently shed all but about 2 of them. Yay me! I don't think there's been a difference in how I date or how I'm treated though. If guys didn't like me when I was a pant-size bigger, they didn't say anything about it. I've always carried myself confidently, and have never had a problem getting nekkid...heehee.
shadowplay Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 In high school I was a tad overweight. About 135 pounds at 5'5". I know some people wouldn't consider this overweight but when I lost about 20-25 pounds right before college, guys suddenly started paying more attention to me. It is always a conscious effort to keep my weight at my personal ideal (110-115 or so) because my body naturally gravitates toward a higher figure. I count calories and weigh myself every day to make sure I don't drift up the scale. I wouldn't say I'm obsessive about it, though. I will say when I've started to creep up the scale, even a few pounds, my bfs have noticed. My ex would pinch the faint love handles that were starting to appear when after I had gained five pounds. It was a bit annoying but kept me motivated to stay thin. Seems like most of the guys I've dated like their girls skinny.
Trialbyfire Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 While I understand what you're saying, it takes two. When you express your dislike of his criticism, it's up to him to understand and back off, in consideration for your feelings. Instead he continued to criticize, regardless of you bringing it up. To inject a little humour into this, I'm going to use the age-old male/female trap: Two examples: ---------------------------------------------- Day 1 - Woman: Honey, how do I look? Man: I think that outfit looks terrible. Woman: Well thanks a lot, I like this outfit! *flounces away* Man: Unhappy. Day 2 - Woman: Honey, how do I look? Man: Hey, you look sexy! *grimaces behind his hand* Woman: Thanks! *gives her man a hug, kiss and makes out with him* Man: Happy! ----------------------------------------------- Day 1 - Man: Am I the best lover you've ever had, or what? Woman: Well, not really. I didn't make it since you got off so fast. Man: *cringes a little inside and wanders off* Woman: Unhappy. Day 2: Man: Man, that orgasm was something. You came hard too. Woman: The best Honey, let's do it again! *thinking, well, I didn't get to come but maybe a second time might do it* Man: *happy, proud and tries again* Woman: Eureka! ------------------------------------------------
carhill Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Or, my wife, in her inimitable Chicago lilt: "If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask"
shadowplay Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 The funny thing is I don't think I could stand to be overweight even if I were living all alone in some cabin in the woods with no male contact whatsoever. I find it disturbing the way my body starts to look and feel when I gain weight. I can't imagine ever letting my body go, as old as I get. I know there will be more of a struggle, but I'll just fight harer.
Jersey Shortie Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I'm not over weight but I don't have a perfect body either. And while I enjoy sex and think I have good features and bad ones, I get insecure when I have to get naked infront of a guy because I worry about the less then perfect ones. You don't really know what a man is going to be critcal about or not or what he is comparing you to from what he has seen. And I am only speaking for myself as a girl but it's really tough because of all the images men buy into about how perfect alot of women's bodies look in media outlets. No matter how hard I work out, I will never look like that. And the message is, that that doesn't make me as pretty or feminine in his eyes as those other women. I do think that effects my sex life sometimes and what I am free to be comfortable with or not free to be comfortable with due to body issues. I actually recently read from USA Today that the number one reason women don't want to have sex is because they worry about the way their bodies look. Men aren't judged as harshly and we know what kind of things men look at and deem the perfection of female beauty.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 You don't really know what a man is going to be critcal about or not or what he is comparing you to from what he has seen. I actually recently read from USA Today that the number one reason women don't want to have sex is because they worry about the way their bodies look. OK, I think that by the time the guy is getting you naked, he's not thinking about anything but the great sex you're about to have. Most men are so excited to be having sex that they are not going to focus down on your perceived imperfections. He's no doubt already undressed you in his mind and has a pretty good idea of what you look like, anyway. I proudly strut my stuff naked when I'm in fantastic shape and when I have a few extra pounds and feel fine either way. I think your attitude about your naked body goes a lot further than the mere appearance of all its parts. If you do your thing like you know you're hot, you are hot. If you're all mousy and uncertain and trying to cover up, you just look like you've got something to hide. I have a friend who tells me his overweight wife will only have sex in the dark. Does she think he doesn't know what her body looks like?! They have been married for eight years, and he loves her, fat and all. He tells me he would love to see her naked (duh), and I am sure it would do wonders for their sex life if she would just let go of her inhibitions.
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