no love Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 Recently my boyfriend broke up with me. It was a long distance relationship of about three years. I visited him a lot and he visited me twice. He was my first serious boyfriend but I wasn’t for him. He had a few girlfriends before. He broke up with me about a month and ½ ago and I can’t stop thinking about him. I last visited him about 2 ½ months ago also where he was sweet and loving. The reason why he broke up with me was because he wanted to concentrate on his work and he said the distance wouldn’t work. A little background to help, we met online and we did a lot of things online together. We was first friends then fell in love. I love him so much and he loves me too. recently he wanted to stop with being online so much because his age was nearing 28. He said that this wouldn’t have lasted and it’s best to break up now then later so we can still be friends. A few days before the breakup we was acting really well like a couple. I know he loves me and he did it for the best. But now I’m considering of moving down there to be with him. He lives with his parents still because he wants to support them. I live with mines also. We are still friends, but we don’t talk often. He’s usually really quiet to other people and stuff but talks to me often. He comes online still to do the things we use to do, but maybe once a week instead of everyday. We talk online everyday but we don’t talk much like we use to. Sometimes we talk on the phone but not much. I can tell he still cares for me because he’ll ask me what I did when I went out. My friends told me he probably doesn’t have a new girlfriend either because of the long term relationship we had. Sometimes I do feel like he does, but a lot of times I just think to much. He told me he would tell me if he has a new girlfriend though. But he said he won’t try to get one because he wants to work. He's also cold to me sometimes and somtimes sweet to me. My friends said its to help me get over him if hes cold to me. I was thinking that maybe when he has more free time later I will ask him out again. I was going to try to visit him in 2 months and confess my feelings. I want to move down there so I can be with him. Is that a bad idea? Or should I move on? I really love him so much and he’s the person I want to spend my life with. But I don’t know if he feels the same. What should I do?
nowhereman82 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 in my opinion move on. Why? It was long distance. time to find someone local. Can't form a proper relationship long distance. But that's just my 2 cents, take it or leave it.
df273 Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 he's 28yo, and you? i'd say give him the space he wants. be cool with what he is doing. if you pressure him, he will only withdraw more.
Author no love Posted August 31, 2008 Author Posted August 31, 2008 Im 26. i'm willing to move down there to be with him if he wants to, i mean after he settles down some. I'm giving him the space and time he needs. But want to know if i should wait. Thanks for your advice.
LoveLace Posted August 31, 2008 Posted August 31, 2008 I wouldn't consider completely altering your life with a major thing like moving, with a guy who broke up with you and clearly states his 1st priority as work, not you. I know its hard to hear. And waiting, bad idea. If you want to be more miserable, go ahead and wait. Or, you can really end this and get on with your life and realize you can fall in love again with someone else eventually, who doesn't have issues with making you a priority. What if he agreed to let you move there, only for you to get settled and feel deprived of his attention because he's so into "working". That almost sounds like a lame reason to me, as though he couldn't just tell you the truth that he just doesn't want to be together anymore. Guys will do that if they think it will spare hurting your feelings. I'm sure he still cares about you, but it isn't fair to you to be in limbo like you are. The best thing for you is to cut off all contact with him (which is a very popular piece of advice here on LS; but this time I think it's more relevant than ever...) Tell him you can not be just friends with him because it's giving you what is probably false hope for the relationship. Tell him if it's over, it has to be completely over because that is whats best for YOU and he should respect that. He's away, getting on with "work" and life, and you really deserve to do the same. It's hard, but certainly not impossible. Talk to your friends and use all the support you can to help yourself through and take interest towards other men. I don't mean to sound like I'm telling you what to do, you can do whatever you want, you can do whatever feels right, but that doesn't always mean it IS right. I just think if you want to avoid any further heartbreak, the friendship needs to be called off - at least for a long time. And maybe there will come a day when circumstances allow you to reconcile, but in the mean time it should be treated as though it is really over. I'm sorry.
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